Feeling crappy after 4th miscarriage.

[Talaria]

I really don't know how much more grief I can cope with before I lose my mind. I have had 4 miscarriages. My last one was 20 weeks. I ended up giving birth at the hospital and leaving feeling empty, and empty-handed.
After going to a fertility clinic today in a desperate attempt to find some answers to our recurrent miscarriage problem and to plan for our 5th pregnancy; the doctors still have no idea why this keeps happening, and I am feeling so hopeless. For us at least; the fertility clinic was a waste of time.
There are no real answers. This time it was a umbilical cord stricture, but how do I prevent this? You apparently can't.
There is no decisive help. I'm floundering. Since I seem to be able to get pregnant; I suppose I have no option but to try again... and yet... I am filled with anxiety of what seems to be the inevitable.
How can I embrace and feel hopeful for my next pregnancy? How do I maintain my sanity at work? How do I return to work with no bump and ward off all of the stupid empty sympathetic remarks? Does any-one else loathe empty sympathy?
I am slowly going crazy. Extensive therapy and a nut-house may be in my future.
I was hoping to find some positive stories of people who have success after recurrent miscarriages like me. How did you maintain hope? Was there a test or reason for your recurrent loss? Anything would be helpful.

 

[fides]

aww, i am so sorry. i have only lost one baby, so i can't even possibly imagine what you are going through.

 

[HollieQ]

I'm so sorry for your losses The nightmare of 1 was awful, but 4, my heart does go out to you, my mum had lot of miscarriages but ended up with 2 daughters, I hope you can stay positive, you will have your baby xxxxxxxx

I only know of the blood tests your local doctor does in the UK after 3 mc which often bring results, so not much help there, sorry. Sending love xxxxxx

 

[hollyrose]

i'm so sorry for your losses.
i have just had my 2nd miscarriage and i am wondering how i will cope if i go on to have a 3rd, so i can only imagine how u feel.
i already have a 3 year old daughter but have miscarried my last 2 pregnancies.
i lost my babies at 9 and 8 weeks so i never felt them move or knew what gender they were. it must be even harderto say goodbye when u have felt ur baby move inside u.
i am returning to work next week and dreading it.
we are ttc again. as u say we can only move forward with hope in our hearts that the next one will be the one that we get to take home in our arms and share our lives with.
i don't know at what point we will say 'that's enough, no more', but i am hoping it won't come to that.
i wish u all the best and pray that we both get our wish soon.
take care. xo

 

[Tasha16]

hi hun i am really sorry 4 ur losses, i kind of know how ur feeling, i have had 4 mc and an ectopic but all my losses were early so never experienced a growing bump etc.. unfortunately i dont have a success story, i have had tests done and they cant find anything wrong with me. We are now trying again and always worry it will happen again, i have been advised 2 take aspirin next time i get pregnant as they say its worth trying even when my blood is ok fx 4 ur next pregnancy and im always here if u wanna talk x x

 

[Lucia]

I know how you feel. I have had 3 miscarriages (but 4 losses as one pregnancy was with twins) and I too have been given no answers after seeing a fertility specialist. It's such a scary and difficult time. Some days I feel hopeless and other days I think there is still a chance that we will one day get our little one we have been waiting for. It is an all consuming thing and it tends to take over your life, but all I can say is TRY to keep busy with other things and look to the future.

I personally know one person who had 6 miscarriages and similar to us - was given no reason for it. She went on to have a healthy baby girl with NO medical assistance at all.

 

[wannabe mam]

So sorry hun, I have had 1 loss which was the worst experience in my life so I cant imagine how you are feeling, take care of yourself and good luck xx

 

[truthbtold]

Im sorry for your loss and I wont sugar coat it returning to work was the hardest part for me. Everyone asked about my baby. Random people the cleaning staff, cafeteria workers, mail people. Of course my office staff new what happen and a few said sorry others said nothing because they didnt know what to say. It was a difficult time.

 

[ovenbun]

I'm so sorry for your loss ive had 3 miscarriages all early so I never experience loss like yours but the pain is still there each one hit me hard and its differcult to look forward, take care just got to take the next step forward xx

 

[Spoomie]

Talaria

I am so sorry for you. I have just experienced my 3rd m/c and I posted on here earlier today that I have found each more painful and devastating than the last, so your pain must be immense. This is not a 'club' we're happy to be members of There are days when I too feel in the pit of despair. BUT, I do have hope for you as in amongst mine I delivered a healthy and beautiful baby boy who is now 2 years old. The consultant who discharged me from the hospital after my last m/c told me I had been very unlucky (I feel damned unlucky) and she saw no reason why I shouldn't have another successful pregnancy. I know it's so so hard for women to accept that doctors won't even investigate m/c until a pattern has been established but this, in conjunction with her comment highlighted to me just what a lottery it is. Really hoping that you strike the jackpot soon Talaria, try to keep the faith xx

BTW .............
Pip7890 posted this link on ttc after loss a while ago under the title of 'A letter from women to their family and friends' and I found it empowering and a great comfort. Perhaps you could email it to a colleague you feel close to and ask them to cascade the sentiments for you?

https://citril.rsg-blogs.co.uk/2011/02/07/letter-women-friends-family/

 

[fides]

spoomie, thanks for the link - loved it. read it to my husband, and he said it made him want to cry.

 

[Spoomie]

fides, how funny, today I left it up on my husband's computer screen and he has been so sensitive! He has been pretty good since my m/c but I know that for men, it's over and done long before we've even started to get to grips with it. Yesterday I started my period and I have been very emotional since then. So, his suggestion that we plan/host an NCT group get together went down like a lead balloon and I burst in to tears. I just don't want to see anyone, or socialise, particularly where the common denominator is babies. In fact, all I want to be is a hermit, actuallyall I really want to be is pregnant, then I'll feel like I don't need to be a hermit anymore.

PS I just posted to you on Just want to be a mummy feeling down

 

[fides]

spoomie, sorry the witch gotcha. i'm still waiting on mine. i am sorry things are really tough right now - we'll all get through it, right?

 

[sleonie]

I#ve only just experienced my 2nd MMC yesteray, booked in for surgery on Wednesday.

I too feel so helpless and i cant sleep - i woke up seethingly angry at 3am this morning. I wish this wasn't as cruel as it feels...

Im 35 - im not even sure I have the energy or capacity to try again terribly sad isnt it?