Feeling down after first IVF appt

[Lou32]

We just had our first appointment to discuss the way forward and it feels like it's never gonna happen for us. We have MF and it turns out that the 10% motility I was so pleased with from our most recent SA (much better than the zero on the first test) actually indicates 10% of them have poor motility, not good motility as I thought. The nurse was so negative about taking vitamins and minerals and said there's no evidence they will work and they won't investigate the problem further. She said we might read lots of stories on the internet about vitamins, but they're just stories and there's no proof they actually make a difference...
DH has to go for a 'swim test' SA to decide whether we need icsi, which is almost definite. THEN, because I'm under 35, they only do single embryo transfer as they're trying to reduce the number of multiple births. AND there's only about 30% chance of it working....and after 3 goes it's unlikely to EVER work. Talk about pressure!
I was starting to feel more positive, but now I feel like I'm back to square one. Anyone else feel like this right at the beginning?

 

[starbean]

Keep my fingers crossed for you. Try not to get into a frazzle. God bless

 

[baybeehopes]

hya we hav that appointment in feb...we hav mf problems too...i am also under 35 so we will prob hav similar experiance. I went to c fs to c if i had any problems, it took months btwn appointments and 2x sa's b4 they refered my db to fertility hsptl...frm march-nov!! An wen we went we now hav to basically start frm scratch with our new dr...2 more sa's then a male scan then we hav 'where do we go frm here app' i was soooo luckin4ward to that app, seen as we had 2 low sa'smy db is 37 no children + never got any1 pg...hoped we mite b able2start proceeding quicker, oh an 25mths ttc...no such luck!! But hey enuf of me moaning, think of it like this u r young+healthy if you hav icsi and several days of bed rest+take it easy there is no reason y u wont get pg, + i didnt knw bout single embryo transfer...i knw more embie the more chance, but if u r ok, it is likely ud hav a multiple birth. Good luck+ ur not bk at square 1, ur well on ur way to ur little family....thats hw i think although it hard an we hav 5more apps b4 feb, with each1 we r a step closer...good luck x x

 

[sandlady]

We had male factor (low count and low motility)... our first IVF/ICSI was successful - we now have 8 year old b/g twins!

 

[baybeehopes]

woo hoo well done sandlady, its nice to hear sucess stories, when u had ur treatment, how long did it take to get ivf/icsi? We hav low count, low motility, low 9% progression an 15% normal sperm...x

 

[rachelle1975]

Hey Lou

Don't be down hun

We also have male factor and at our first SA the results were appalling - 1 million total sperm count when the average is 20 million per ml. Now DH has been taking Wellman multi vits, 1000mg of vit C and Maca and his sperm count at the last SA had gone up to 16 million total and his motility and morphology were all above average. If you read a fertility specialists book such as Zita West etc she covers all the pills, potions and dietary changes as well as lifestyle changes that you can make to try and improve things. I figure anything is worth trying so long as it's nothing dodgy off the web.

It has taken a while to get to our IVF appt today and now i'm petrified as part of me wishes i had another 6 months to try naturally.

It'll take 3 months for any changes you and your OH make to affect his SA (it takes this long for sperm to mature) so embrace it - there are plenty of girls who didn't have to go down the IVF route at all despite their FS telling them this was their only way. Don't give up hope - a 1 in 3 chance is pretty good going - we have the same odds at 34 with 2 eggs. Good luck xx

 

[obe]

Hi Lou, we are in the same boat. My OH has only 7% motility so we knew we would have to go through IVF/ICSI. He had the 'swim test' which proved we need fertility treatment. He then went on to say there was only 30% chance of it working. We have to self fund so we will only have one shot at it so im really hoping it works 1st time. I came away from the appointment feeling low but I know that I have to stay positive and keep our FX crossed that luck is on our side.
I also have my OH on vits, MECCA and ZINC but they havnt made any difference to his motiity. But I would say its worth a try. Dont let it get you down, you need to stay strong and positive. I hope it works for you xx

 

[chocci]

and after 3 goes it's unlikely to EVER work.

What a load of crap, who told you that hun? AVERAGE is 3 FULL ICSI/IVF to success, thats AVERAGE which means many more have MORE than 3 goes for success, 4,5,6,7 ++++ so whoever told you that needs shooting!!! Under 35 with no probs yourself and using icsi you have a dam good chance, but rememebr just cos it does not work 1st, or 2nd or even 3rd time does not mean it WILL NOT work. Age less than 35 and no other probs but male fertility the chance of working is slightly higher at about 40-50% if you make it to transfer!!

Ignore all the shit you read on the internet or the nurses at the clinic, they talk rubbish most of the time, especially the NHS ones!!

Sorry if i was a little aggressive with my response just when people are told things that are totally worng it pisses me off cos it upsets them unnessesarily!!!

 

[chocci]

By the way i had SET (only one put back) i was told by hte embryologist that our littel embie was great - it didnt work! I regret not putting 2 back cos when it came to FET they didnt thaw well. However, having more than 1 put back only increases the chance of it working by anotehr 5% so say your chance was 30% with 1 embie its only 35% with 2 embies, it does not double your odds like people think! You have to work out if you are fit an healthy enough to cope with a twin pregnancy and all the problems that can be assciated with it before and after birth. I am going for 2 this time since a single transfer did not work last time, but i always wonder what if i had 2 put back last time??!?!?! Would i be preggers now? Tough decision if you get the chance to make it, BUT it is your decision they cant make you only put 1 back, its not law...YET! You choose!

 

[Aphrodite]

Aw Lou . This IVF business is such a rollercoaster of emotions (sorry for the cliche).

When we found out, I was really upset. I cried in front of my mother in law, I cried when someone looked at me the wrong way, I cried when I saw babies. But now I feel very calm and positive about it. We have had our initial appointment, waiting for FU on March 1st and then we can be refferred for ICSI. No doubt Ill start to feel stressed out again then-your emotions go up and down all the time.

Some nurses need shooting!-I'm a student nurse myself and my blood boils when I hear things like this. The nurse who dealt with me was a bitch aswell. I asked what they were going to do today and she looked at me like I was stupid and said, 'Well, you're trying to conceieve (like I didnt know!!!!) so we are now moving forward with further investigations' DUH!!!!! Then, when she weighed me, she said my weight was 10 stone (Im 5 ft 6) I said, thats not too bad (more to myself as I have gained weight recently), she said, 'hmm yes well you can't afford to gain any though'. I was like Thanks a lot love, feelin nervous here, some kind reassurance wouldn't go amiss, snotty cow.

Bottom line hun, If you want to take vitamins with hubby and you feel better about it DO IT! I think a lot of the worry and angst comes from our own insecurities etc so do whatever feels right for you, ignore the ignorant nurse who does that job day in day out and has obviously lost her passion as well as soul and should frankly leave the profession.

You have an EXCELLENT chance of it working, Most people on here seem to have worked at least 2nd go. My FS said 'there is no reason why you cannot have your own child' She was so confident with it. Even if it doesnt work 1st time, It WILL WORK EVENTUALLY!! The 2 emby transfer depends on where you go, some girls clinics on here will, some wont, you will need to chat to your consultant nearer the time. Do you know when you are likely to start? We are hoping for May time. Take the journey as it comes babe. We've all been where you are...major hugs h

 

[Lou32]

Thanks SO much everyone..You've no idea how much it helps to hear from you all who are going through the same. It really is a rollercoaster and I'm totally sick of it.
We're probably gonna start icsi around April/May time, so it seems like a way off yet.
Chocci - that's exactly what the nurse said about the embryo transfer - two doesn't double your chances. Although I think she said it along the lines of "Some people want to transfer two as they think they'll get 2-4-1" which I thought was pretty insulting as it's not like that at all, you just want more chance of it working. She said there wasn't much more chance of it working if you transfer 2, but that twins can cause all kinds of complications. Of course nobody wants complications, but you want to maximise your chances. Anyway, it seems to me that the embryos don't always thaw too well, so it's all v well them saying you'll get to transfer another if the first doesn't take, but what if it doesn't survive? I probably won't have a choice in the matter.
And the thing about if it doesn't work in 3 goes it never will, well again I've read of women getting pregnant after 6, 7 goes. I can't imagine how anyone would afford to pay for so many goes, but I feel like I'd do anything to give myself the chance.
With the vitamins, DH's on Fertilaid for men and going for acupuncture (which the nurse had NO time for at all!) so I just hope so much they make a difference.
I'm around ovulation at the moment and it's the first time in 17 cycles I don't feel positive at all. If that 10% of motile sperm are crap swimmers then it seems to me they're aren't gonna get too far.
Aphrodite - we might be starting Icsi around the same time. FX for spring!!!

 

[Aphrodite]

Lou, we could be cycle buddies!!! We have our FU appointment on March 1st and referral time is around 8 weeks. Not sure if thats 8 weeks to being seen by Bourn Hall or actually startint the treatment-but that would be end of April/beg of May. I soooo want to start it sooner and am tempted to ring up for a cancellation, but any sooner would muck up my course

I heard acupuncture is recommended and a good idea. Ill probably do it. Ignore that nurse for deffo!

Choosing one or 2 is a hard decision, its what we're agonising (well, what I'M agonising over-it was only Saturday that my hubby said, 'Whats ICSI?!!!!) over. I am keen on 2 but I havent really looked into the risk of multiple pregs yet. My feeling is if it can happen naturally, then its ok with IVF.

Where do u live, Lou? Hope we can cycle together!!

 

[chocci]

Hey Lou

My hubby started taking selenium plus from boots, it did seem to help his count and motility on 2nd sample but he had also cut right down on drinking and tried to eat healthier and lost a stone in weight (not that he needed to really lol) but regardless i think it all helps. I was told a man should take a vit with Zinc, Selenium, A E and D. That should help if its going to at all.

My ICSi first time was on NHS, now we have to pay so one in Jan will be £4k sighhh, but like i said to my hubby we have saved for years for early retirement it hardly seems fair e have to spend some of it on this BUT if it means we get a baby its worth it!!! I mean we dont think twice about spending 15k on cars do we lol, so that kinda puts it in perspective, 15k is nearly 4 ICSI cycles and if it means i have a shit car for 10 years hey so what the babies would only sick all over it anyway! haha

Most of my nurses have been great but i think in the NHS they are so rushed there is no personal touch, its like a conveyors belt. I have gone to CARE fertility this time they have been lovely, nothing is too much bother - well it shouldnt be for £4k should it lol!!!

You defo have to work out the implications of twins, i have really mulled over it, and the only reason i am going for 2 this time is because we have had a failed cycle and now we are paying 5% is 5% extra chance i need!

With regards to thawing of embryos, they have about a 70% chance of thawing. Its actually the freezing that causes the damage and they cannot tell until the thaw wether they have been damaged. They only freeze the best quality embies which means little or no fragmentation and correct cell count. Poor quality embies just dont survive the freeze so they dont bother. It is completely normal for embies to loose a few cells on thaw but generally they dont like to see more than 50% cell loss on thaw and most clinics wont put them back if there is less than 50% cells remaining. I was told i was pretty unlucky. 1st that the ICSI fresh did not work as my embie was great. 2nd cos the thaw of 4 embies resulted in 2 dying and 2 with massive cell loss. The good news is most private clincs and some NHS clinics are moving towards a process called vitrification which is quick freezing and it has been reported that the thaw rate is nearly 100% with this new better freezing process. Most clinics have not adopted this yet especially NHS but i know CARE clinics are doing it.

Hope those bits of info help and if you need any help or advice then either PM me or drop me a note on my journal.

Best of luck chic, and remember, each step of the ICSI is a hurdle and an emotional rollercoaster BUT it makes us stronger and probably be better mothers never taking anything forgranted in the long run

XX

 

[26.03.10]

hope everything goes well and try not to get to stressed.
A friend of mine cudnt have children and payed for IVF treatment to find it didnt work, to then find out that her body was rejecting her partners sperm before it cud actually get to the egg. She now has children

 

[Lou32]

Chocci - Thanks for the info. It's a lot to take in, but it sounds like the vitrification is the way forward! As we're going NHS first time (please let it be the only time!!!) then I guess this won't apply to us. Although the nurse did say something about our hospital linking with Sheffield next year, so not sure if that's another clinic and what clinic it is.
I don't think the nurse meant to be hurtful, but I suppose it's obvious they have no real experience of how it feels by some of the things they say. It really is just a job to them and we're the unlucky statistics who need assisted conception. I find it hard to believe though that they can't have an open mind when it comes to vits and acupuncture. the acupuncture has lengthened my cycles and makes me feel soooo much better, I find it hard to believe this is all in the mind.
Chocci - best of luck with your next cycle. Really hope you'll be keeping our spirits up when you're preggers and we're about to start!

Aphrodite- we're in Leeds. The nurse told us DH would have his wash and swim in January and the whole process would start around April/May and take about 6 weeks. She gave us a whole load of reading and it was the first time DH had heard of icsi too! I forget how much reading I do and don't necessarily pass it all onto him. I feel bad that he must be upset that it's his fault so don't like to go on about it.
I keep peeking into the ivf/icsi thread but don't feel like I'm allowed in yet!

 

[MissMonty]

THEN, because I'm under 35, they only do single embryo transfer as they're trying to reduce the number of multiple births. AND there's only about 30% chance of it working....and after 3 goes it's unlikely to EVER work. Talk about pressure!

Hi Lou

Sorry to hear the nurse you spoke to was really negative, I'm sure they just don't think sometimes, we found our NHS fertility nurse to be really patronising, she kept fobbing us off all the time and we really felt like she though we were wasting her time. It wasn't until we had a referral for IUI and attended our first appointment with CARE that we found out we had MF, NHS had missed something that CARE had picked up and we were told IVF ICSI was our best option.

Our PCT only funds for single embryo transfer too with ICSI as I'm under 35, but the consultant at CARE was really positive and told us that we had 40% chance with ICSI because of my age and urged us to go ahead as soon as. He recomended DH take some vits and eat more certian foods (mainly nuts, seeds, chillis and garlic!!) he said it would be worth a go plus I think it makes you feel better that you are trying something else to improve your chances, DH has been loving all the nuts and seeds!

I know how you are feeling, I've got my pre treatment scan tomorrow, one second I feel excited, then I feel sick, nervous and scared. Sometimes I'm just not sure what to think!

I wish you all the best

 

[Lou32]

Thanks missmonty.sounds like there's a lot of nurses like this out there.good luck for yr cycle x

 

[chocci]

Lou, i am Leeds too! lol

 

[Lou32]

Chocci, are you going to Care in Sheffield this time? The nurse said something about they will be introducing Sheffield soon as an option for NHS patients and I'm wondering if it will be Care, as I think they have some NHS contracts.....If that's the case I'm wondering if it would be worth the travelling

 

[chocci]

Yeah using CARE sheffiled, much nicer experience so far in dealing with them compared to RMU in Clarendon Wing! Although to be frank RMU leeds was actually OK for free treatment not too much to moan about at all they were pretty good, but when forking out cash i wanted the best and CARE treat you more personally although if that is right and htey are taking on more work not sue that will stay the same!!! Maybe it is CARE and if it is is maybe worth asking cos as i say they apparently do Vitrification so if you lucky enough to get frosties (only 1 in 4 couples are) its really good!!!

If you want to ask me anything about the process with Leeds, like meds etc feel free, after an ICSI and a FET i am somewhat of an expert haha!!!