Feeling extremely lost and lonely

[Olivette]

Hi :wave:

This is our third pregnancy but first baby. First time around we started to bleed at 7 and a half weeks and miscarried 2 days after. The second time we had a private scan at 7-8 weeks ish for reassurance and it was diagnosed as a blighted ovum. It took several weeks for things to progress and we commenced medical management at 10 weeks. My last AF was back in February. Although my AF didn't arrive in March tests where negative. I started to OPK and think I tested positive for ovulation at the end of March. We finally got a positive 2 weeks ago. I'm around 6 and a half weeks pregnant at this point.

I'd been to the doctors whilst my AF was missing in action and a scan was booked to check everything was working ok. That scan is in 2 weeks time. Obviously they will detect a pregnancy (of some kind), but my DH and I are petrified. The idea of going to another scan is really scary. The first pregnancy we didn't make the booked scan, but was scanned after we'd MCed (I knew nothing would be on the scan), the 2nd time we didn't expect the scan to show an empty sac and had gone in feeling optimistic. The ability to feel optimistic or positive this time around has been completely destroyed and I'm in the frame of mind of needing to go to be told the worst so we can move forward.

I feel shit for feeling so negative (I'm the biggest optimist in life ever) but it's really scary. I feel like I don't fit into any of the pregnancy sections here on B&B. I've not had any bleeding (which I know now is no indication everything is definitely ok). I've not had any cramping either really, boobs are feeling fuller and slightly tender, really bad fatigue. Everything I'm sure is fine but finding it REALLY hard to think about anything other than it ending badly.

If you got this far, thanks! . I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance that others have felt the same way heading into the first scan after a previous MC. I'd love to know I'm not the only one that feels so lost and lonely!

Ox

 

[scarolinarn04]

All of us with history of miscarriage feel this way prior to every early scan, especially those with multiple losses. What you are feeling is completely normal and understandable. I'm very sorry for your previous losses and I hope that this is your rainbow baby. The thread PARL is primarily women that have suffered recurrent miscarriages and they are a wonderful group of ladies. I think you will fit in perfectly there. Good luck and

 

[Dannib247]

I couldn't relate more to this if I tried! I totally know where your coming from I'm currently 15 weeks on and have scans ever 2weeks due to previous losses and each scan fills me with dread! The 1st scan was the easiest as I had prepared myself for the worst it's as though your just waiting for things to wrong (I'm sure they won't though xx) so you can get your life back together and move forward x
I'm praying for you and hope your scan goes well x x

 

[mwaah]

Welcome to this section and congrats on your pregnancy.
Don't ever feel alone here, we are all going through it and been through it. I hope as your pregnancy progresses you will start to feel optimistic again.
Everyone will understand with whatever you are feeling. I had a 21 week check up today and still held my breath as she found the heartbeat.
Sat there in the hospital around other pregnant women made it start to sink in that i might have a baby soon.
Goodluck at your scan and keep us updated...fingers crossed, 3rd time lucky for you xxx

 

[mnicole]

I think your story is quite relatable in regards to the negative feelings, if not experiences. I have no advice to offer, because I find myself in a similar boat as you are in. I woke up bleeding last Thursday, and went to emerg. There, they did an abdominal and vaginal ultrasound, I saw the heartbeat. The bleeding slowed, and eventually stopped by Friday afternoon. Monday, I had to go to the city for another scan in the hospital, and there it was, my little bean. Has a good heart beat, and was even measuring 2 days ahead of where I thought I was. That being said, I have still had off and on brown colour in discharge, and it is stuck in my head that, even though I saw how everything looked good-it can't possibly last. I find myself emotionally detatched from this pregnancy, and almost refusing to accept it....incase something goes wrong. For women who ahve experienced loss, our innocence is taken away. We are VERY aware that pregnancy is not just an easy walk in the park. It's stressful, it's worriesome..we've been robbed. I guess just don't beat yourself up for feeling negative, we've all been there and it is a TOUGH road ahead. Good luck to you xo