Feeling guilty about dating again

[kat_s]

I've never really posted in here before, but I could do with some advice

My DS was with his Grandma & Grandpa all day yesterday, so I met up with some friends and we went shopping & went for a meal. We were sat in Starbucks gossiping and there was some guys next to us and we got talking, and one of them was really cute and was kind of chatting me up. We ended up sitting in there for a good few hours talking to them.

Eventually he asked for my number so I did give it to him and he asked me out on a date and at the time I thought 'why not?' so I said yeah. He said he'd call/text me tomorrow (Sunday) but I've been thinking about it and I'm not sure that I want to go. He's cute and I do like him, but I feel guilty. I was on the phone to my friend and she said that I should just go out with him once and see how it goes, as I've not dated since I lost my fiance.

My fiance died last July after a car accident, before I found out I was pregnant with our DS. I haven't dated since, as every time I get asked out, I always felt like I was cheating and betraying him and that's exactly what I'm feeling about this guy too. I feel guilty that I could be introducing a guy into my DS's life.. it's hard to put into words but I feel like if my DS is going to have a guy in his life, then it should be his Dad. (which obviously is impossible ). I loved my fiance with all my heart (and I still do) and I feel like any guy I end up with wouldn't even compare to him...

Another worry about dating is that I don't really have a lot of time to go out often, as I'm raising my DS alone and even though I get support from my family and his Dad's family, I still don't have a lot of spare time!

I'm just not sure whether to actually go on this date with him to try it out and see what happens or just to be honest with him and say I'm not ready to date again yet...

What would you do if it was you?

 

[moomin_troll]

Unfortunately I know exactly how you feel.
When my eldest was 2 my husband died and a week later found out I was pregnant.
I stayed very much single for 2 years, I hid behind my wedding ring.
The first time I gave someone my number, when he txt me I burst into tears as it to felt like I was cheating, even after 2 years. Me and this lad became close friends. That was October, the following January I started to date. It felt weird and wrong, but it felt good to be wanted again and have the attention I had been missing.
I have now been with my boyfriend for a year and half now. There is something missing, because he's not tom, but no one ever will be and let's face it, no one can live up to a dead man.
And I'm sure like me you think of the great times, not the times you wanted to strange you fiancé.
So for someone who is now 4 years down the line, I say go on the date. You could hate it, or have a really good time.
It's a horrible thing to say, but you're not dead and it wouldn't be a life being alone forever x

 

[moomin_troll]

But if you really don't feel ready, then don't do it. But I don't think you will ever feel ready