Feeling guilty; thinking of giving up.

[BostonLover89]

My LO is one month and has had a hard time breastfeeding since birth. I have seen a lactation consultant every week to help improve the situation and by her suggestion we had baby's tongue tie fixed. This doesn't seem to have helped much at all. She still has an extremely shallow latch and is constantly pulling her self off. Feedings are extremely frustrating for both of us because she is constantly fighting to eat and falling off. We are still feeding about every two hours and the only time she sleeps for more than 2 hours is after an extreme crying fit. Her pediatrician suggested I give up dairy, which also doesn't seem to have helped. I am absolutely miserable and seem to cry more than my baby at this point.

The lactation consultant called my baby "higher needs" and her constant fussing and issues focusing while nursing is "just her personality".

The guilt is double sided: I feel guilty for even thinking of giving up and switching to formula because i want what is best for my baby; But then I think that isn't it best for my baby to have a happy mother? I have hardly had time to connect or enjoy her because we are fighting to breastfeed.

In today's world you are almost vilified if you choose not to breastfeed. Other moms I have reached out to keep telling me that it's best and putting up with all of this is "better than switching to formula". I also have family members that are breastfeeding fanatics who I know would judge and highly disapprove if I switch to formula.

I just want to enjoy being a new mom. I'm not sure what to do.

 

[mac1979]

My first wouldn't latch and I was so frustrated because I wanted to breastfeed so bad. I put him on formula and we were both so much happier. Don't feel guilty if you do decide to use formula, do what is best for you.

 

[MKHewson]

Don't ever feel guilty. I tired in vain with my first for 6 weeks it was heartbreaking and so stressful. Finally my family Dr said what ever she would gain from breast feeding she is losing because of the stress. Do what you need to enjoy your child...your are amazing mother

 

[noon_child]

If you need to FF then it isn't anyone else business.

However I would say I'm not sure what your LC said was in anyway helpful or truthful - which makes me wonder about the other help and support she has offered (although she might have been an absolute lifeline, I wasn't there and don't want to criticise what I know little about). It seems you can get access in the USA to lactation consultants who are not International Board Certified, and in my experience that can make all the difference.

At one month old I would say fussing at the breast was NORMAL not your LOs personality. I would also say 2hrly feeding was normal too (as long as Lo is putting on weight and is fairly settled between - except during growth spurts when nothing seems to settle them, and those are pretty frequent in the first weeks).

I know how stressful it is to feed a baby who seems like they don't want to breastfeed, take ages to latch, then latch painfully, then slip off or stop sucking. That was my LO too. Consultant said she wasn't TT even though she used her gums to feed just like a TT baby would!

The pulling off and fussing could be made worse by one of two situations
1) oversupply or overactive letdown causing a flood of milk that baby tries to "escape from" and is fighting to get away/take a breath.
2) undersupply due to baby not having an efficient latch so not signalling your body to make enough milk, so baby pulls off and fights (fighting is actually a baby's natural instinct to massage, head-butt, grab, hit etc in order to stimulate letdown)

Laid back breastfeeding can help with both these situations, especially as your baby is now having to re-learn to breastfeed after the TT revision. It taps in to baby's instincts to nurse, making the motions which we interpret as fighting more purposeful to do with moving in to position. It creates a deeper latch often as baby's head bobbing causes the chin to touch the breast first which is the optimal positioning. It allows oversupply/active letdown to slow down as the milk fights gravity. It encourages milk production due to skin to skin contact.

If you can access La Leche League where you live I would definitely recommend it.

You also have the option of combi feeding if you wish. Yes if you are set on getting all the benefits of breastfeeding, then formula can reduce some of those, but if you were thinking of switching to formula completely then you've not lost anything by trying combi feeding. I think there is a combo-feeding sticky at the top of the forum which offers guidance on how to do it without it turning to fully formula feeding. Things like sticking to breastfeeding at night, and only replacing one daytime feed with a bottle until your supply is regulated etc.

 

[princess2406]

With my first ds we had a really hard time bf. I remember feeling exactly like you. I dreaded every feed and was in so much pain it just wasn't right for either of us. I switched to formula and it was the best decision I ever made. Please don't feel guilty, the best thing is for you and your baby to be happy.

 

[Teri7489]

With my first i spent weeks with bleeding nipples, in so much pain but the guilt made me feel sick. My HV was very firm with me one day after i sobbed my heart out and told me to give her a bottle. It was the best thing i did.

With my second i tried to breastfeed again and initially it didnt work. I knew i wanted to try again, even expressing and thats what happened. He latched at 5 weeks and i managed to feed him max twice a day and expressed the rest. At almost a year i still express 3 times a day for him but will be stopping soon.

Both my children are happy and healthy and more importantly have a great relationship with me. Formula didnt harm my daughter and there is no reason to feel guilty for giving your LO it.

The time with your precious little one goes by so quick, dont fill that time with worry, tears and stress.

Good luck xxx

 

[callmedan]

Just want to start by saying I have nothing against formula in any way and I totally believe it's every woman's choice how they feed there baby, fed is best no matter how that happens! Just wanted to share my story
I was in a similar position to you a few weeks ago, I expressed for the first week and a half of feeding, then used nipple shields for a few weeks before weaning off them, I just couldn't get my baby to latch, weaning off the shield was so hard but feeding lying down was our break through
My baby girl is 8 weeks and BF is just 'starting' to get a bit easier, we still have feeds where she is on and off and it is extremely frustrating but it happens less as the days go by (until we have a day where it's like that all day and I tear my hair out!!)!
However I am kind of starting to love it, there were days I was crying wanting to give up but I'm so glad I persevered, a local breastfeeding group helped me so much, yeh they gave me advice but it was more seeing that other women were having similar problems and it was all totally normal
For me persevering was so worth it and if you chose to do the same I feel you would think the same
I read to never give up on a bad day and it really helped me!
Good luck xx

 

[Mamamum]

never feel guilty hun x