Feeling guilty.

[shellideaks]

It's been 10 days since Nate was born and I feel like crap. I'm completely drained from going back and forth to the hospital, then juggling DS1 and DD once I'm home. Add in trying to pump every 2.5-3 hours and I'm exhausted.

I feel like such a crap mum, that I've failed Nate for not keeping him cooking long enough. I find myself just sitting with him wishing he was still inside of me. The amount of milk I'm pumping is really getting to me too, I feel like I'm not producing enough and that makes me feel even worse. That after everything, I can't even feed him properly. I feel useless and it seems everything makes me cry. I just want my baby home and the nurse said today that he won't be home for Christmas

 

[Lucy529]

I'm feeling the same way too. I was given the ok to bf but feel like am not going to be good at it bc my milk hasn't quite come in yet. I'm alone here with him all day and trying to keep it together but I feel as tho I'm not meant to be a mom. The only thing he needs is to take the bottle but he hasn't mastered that yet until he does we're stuck here.
Today has been really rough I feel like crawling into a hole and just crying I'm seriously considering looking into a support group bc I don't know how much more I can take
I hope Nate starts to improve and can come home sooner that they say a nurse told me yest. That Ivan will be home for Xmas but I'm doubting it he just refuses a bottle. And since my milk hasn't quite come in yet I can't really bf. I'm here for you Hun if you need to talk or vent or whatever

 

[shellideaks]

The milk thing is really frustrating, I think I feel worse about it cos there's another mum behind me whose baby is 2 days younger than Nate and she can pump tons of milk. I know I shouldn't compare but I can't help it, I feel really envious of how much she can produce when I spend all my free time pumping or bugger all.

I'm sure Ivan will get the hang of a bottle soon enough Lucy, I'm sorry you're having to deal with it all yourself hun

 

[Lucy529]

I have a neighbor mom her son and Ivan share a birthday she to has been pumping a few more days than me, she makes ton,which makes me feel bad bc it seems nothng is going right for me
The last pump I did I barely got anything think that all the stress am under is going to dry up my milk
I really want to be positive but it's hard

 

[Srrme]

I am sorry you're both going through this. It's very tough, especially before the upcoming Holiday! Have you two tried hand expressing instead? I could barely pump any milk with even the hospital grade pumps, but expressed loads with my hands! Just a thought.

 

[shellideaks]

I usually hand express at the end of pumping as I find the pump doesn't get it all. There's certain angles that I can only get milk out by hand. I don't know if it's just that I have unrealistic expectations of how much I should be pumping

 

[Jes.shortcake]

I felt the same way. I was feeling guilty for gettin HELLP Syndrome and having to have an emergency c section. Then I felt worse when I couldn't produce enough milk for him. I had the hospital grade pump and the nurses and 2 lactation consultants gave me tips and tried to help but after 8 weeks I dried up. My son was in the NICU for 88 days and the whole experience was mentally, emotionally and physically draining.

 

[Srrme]

I usually hand express at the end of pumping as I find the pump doesn't get it all. There's certain angles that I can only get milk out by hand. I don't know if it's just that I have unrealistic expectations of how much I should be pumping

Have you tried an entire session just hand expressing? I got loads of milk that way, and barely anything with the pump. If I had stuck to the pump, I don't know what would have happened!

 

[shellideaks]

I felt the same way. I was feeling guilty for gettin HELLP Syndrome and having to have an emergency c section. Then I felt worse when I couldn't produce enough milk for him. I had the hospital grade pump and the nurses and 2 lactation consultants gave me tips and tried to help but after 8 weeks I dried up. My son was in the NICU for 88 days and the whole experience was mentally, emotionally and physically draining.

Sorry to hear that, I can't begin to imagine how hard it must be to have your LO spend 88 days in NICU. I hope he's doing okay now

I usually hand express at the end of pumping as I find the pump doesn't get it all. There's certain angles that I can only get milk out by hand. I don't know if it's just that I have unrealistic expectations of how much I should be pumping

Have you tried an entire session just hand expressing? I got loads of milk that way, and barely anything with the pump. If I had stuck to the pump, I don't know what would have happened!

I haven't! I'll have to give it a go and see it it produces better results than pumping

 

[Lucy529]

I've been trying to express with my hands too it helps if you message your bbs first hope I can keep it going I'm waiting on a pump tho