Feeling guily about going on maternity leave?

[MrsW89]

Hello everyone! I'm new to this site (as in, haven't really posted but have still been addicted to reading everyone's posts!)

Bit of background - I'm 26 and my husband is 28, we've been together 6 1/2 years and married for just over 3. I've been extremely broody for what seems like forever (I think hormones kicked in when I turned 25!) and we've agreed to starting trying in December. Am extremely excited!!

But what bothers me is that I've only been in my current job for 8 months having started there in January. It is by far the best opportunity I've had for a while and I know that my employers have big plans for me. They're already talking about overseas business trips they want me to go on this time next year and include me in most of the decision making for the company. I just feel really guilty that at the back of my mind I'm thinking 'I hope I'll be in my third trimester this time next year!' I'll want to take a year of maternity leave before returning too - I don't want to miss any early milestones and am willing to accept the halt in my career this will cause.

Does anyone else feel like this? We're definitely still going to start trying - I've just come off the pill after 6 years and am irrationally scared conceiving could take us a while. I don't want to wait for a better time at work in case it does take us a year, or even longer, to conceive. I know there isn't really a solution but would help to hear if anyone has similar thoughts and if so, how you deal with it?

Thanks in advance for any replies!

 

[Scarlett P]

 

[Kiki1993]

I had wrote pages but decided to delete it because this is the best thing to say;
You work to live not live to work.

do not feel guilty for doing something that will make you happy. A career can be picked up at any time, your window for kids is shorter than your window for a career.

 

[Scarlett P]

Ha sorry didn't mean to hit send straight away!!

How exciting, not long until you start ttc!!

Everyone says there is never a "right time" to start trying and if it feels right for you and hubby then you just can't worry about work hopefully you'll get your BFP straight away, but you're still going to be working through your pregnancy so it's not like you're taking a new job and leaving them in the lurch.

I think having a job you really enjoy really helps pass the time when you're on the TTC train and also when you're preggers too.

Maybe you'll be able to help choose and train up the person who will cover your mat leave too when you get to that stage

But defo don't feel bad, it sounds like they value you and I'm sure they'd be happy about baby news too xxx

 

[ssarahh]

I am 100% with you!

I started my job in January and it my best opportunity. I am starting to try in January and I do feel bad that I will be leaving for a year.

I qualify in January 2017 as well so would be going up the ladder then but I am going to just out it on hold so I can have my little baby!

x

 

[emicakess]

I feel similar in a way... I am just getting done with a 15 month maternity leave from my job, I'm going back in November. We are planning on ttc this month and if we get pregnant this month then I will be 10 weeks pregnant when I go back to work. I feel really guilty about it even though I know no one will be upset.My boss may be a little annoyed but she is retiring around the time I would be going on maternity leave anyway.
Anyway I agree with Kiki and jive just been thinking that over and over to help me feel better and less guilty

 

[krissie328]

You work to live not live to work.

This is the conclusion I recently came to with my job. I love my job and my position as department chair is important to me. However, my kiddos come first and I will take time off when I need and call in when I have to. And when I have my next baby I plan to line it up with my established vacation times to extend the time I am gone to the maximum possible.

 

[jtr2803]

I've been in my job nine years and am pretty senior now, managing a fairly large team. I couldn't actually afford to be off for a year but even if I could I personally wouldn't.

Due to what I do, a year off would really set me back as I can be covered for six months but for a year I'd probably be replaced, which I don't want. I have a lot of loyalty to my company and my team, as well as wanting to maintain my career so as a family we can have a nice standard of living.

On the flip side, as an employer, I understand how difficult it is/can be to have staff on maternity leave, especially trying to recruit /train replacement staff.

Being a working mum is hard!

 

[MrsW89]

Thank you all very much for your advice - reassuring to hear that others have had similar thoughts! I took my last BCP today so no turning back now! As I said, we'll start TTC in Dec and what will happen will happen!

 

[Scarlett P]

Good luck! xx

 

[LoveCakes]

I felt guilty when having my LO as though I was there for a few years there were only 3 in my department and one was due to retire.

I love my job and work is a big part of my life but maternity (a year) made me realise no one is indispensable and I loved having my LO a whole lot more than I felty guilty.

That said I do feel bad as I'm only back to work a few months and we are hoping to ttc soon.

 

[Wnt2beAMom]

Good luck with TTC!
I felt the same way when I was about to TTC and while I was pregnant. It was hard telling my boss. I cried. Lol
I feel I just worry too much though because I know everything is fine without me there right now.
I also wish I hadn't worried so much and just put myself first, because I felt I needed to overcompensate and probably worked too hard and was very stressed while being pregnant. No one else was looking out for me or cared. I developed high blood pressure and got taken off work early.
I resent my job for putting me in the situations I was in, which affected my health, but I know if I cared more about myself than my job I could have just put my foot down more and taken care of myself.
Don't know if that helps you...but try not to care too much about how your job feels about you being pregnant. It'll only backfire on you...

 

[MindUtopia]

Like someone else said, you work to live, not the other way around. I think it would be one thing if you were just starting a new job at the same time you were TTC or in early pregnancy, then it would seem a bit unfair (though still totally within your rights) to make a commitment you already knew you wouldn't be able to keep since you'd be going out on maternity in a few months. But you'll have already put in a year of time before you even start TTC, which is perfectly normal and reasonable, and even if you conceive right away, you'll still have nearly 2 years on the job before you take your maternity leave. I think that's perfectly acceptable and the timeline that most would follow when they were just starting in a new job. So I wouldn't feel guilty at all. I took a year off in the middle of a PhD to have my daughter. That was a bit tough because obviously you pay to do a PhD and the longer you prolong it, the more you pay, not to mention having obligations to the people I work with. But it was the right time for us and worked out perfectly. I was able to continue part-time after my year off with her and am only next month going back full-time (she'll be 3 in Feb). If anything I feel guilty about giving up our one day off together a week, which I've really enjoyed. I love my work and have no intention of being a SAHM, but I don't feel guilty about taking time off work to be with her. Priorities get shifted around once you have a baby and you can still have a great career and enjoy what you're doing, but you very likely won't feel too guilty about taking that time off when the time comes. So I wouldn't worry about that at all.