Feeling happier to wait

[Catastrophe]

So i went to see my best friend's baby a few days ago. She is 5 weeks old and I stayed overnight and helped out with changing, feeding etc.

I thought seeing her would make me really broody and it did to start with but by the end of my stay I realised I am totally not ready for a baby right now.

This is the first baby I have spent time with during my adult life and I feel quite stupid but I somehow thought babies slept for more extended periods of time! I knew she wouldn't be sleeping through the night yet but I think I thought she would spend an hour or more at a time asleep when mum could get on with other things. This wasn't the case! She will only go to sleep if being walked around and once asleep you barely dare move in case you wake her. When she wakes up she wants feeding which takes quite a while still as she often doses off halfway through or while trying to burp her, lol. I couldn't believe how much time we spent walking round the house getting her to settle -that in itself was pretty exhausting.

Also my friend was telling me that earlier in the week the baby cried for 3hrs (colic) and she felt so awful because she knew it was in pain and couldn't do anything. She eventually had to ring her OH and her mum to come and take over because she just couldn't cope with it anymore. I just don't have that kind of support system. My mum and I aren't that close and we don't currently live near enough for that to be an option although there's no telling where we might be in a few years. I also don't have any friends who have children who could give me a break if it got too much.

Also, and this is going to sound a bit dreadful(!), but I found it a bit boring! She can't giggle or even smile yet so it's difficult to tell if she is enjoying something (mum says she gurgles differently but I hadn't spent enough time with her to tell the difference -just assumed if she didn't scream then it was all good!). Also because she can't really focus on things yet or grasp voluntarily there's not so many games and things to play. I'm sure if it was my own baby I would feel differently but as an outsider those were my perceptions.

I was pleasantly surprised at how I coped with nappy changes though! Weed on nappies were absolutely fine. I didn't actually change any of the pooey ones as she's a wriggly little squirt and I didn't want to give her a chance to make more of a mess as was trying to give mum a hand not make more work! I watched them being changed though and didn't find it too hideous. Though it did make me laugh how we're told to always wipe front to back when she'd smeared it all over the shop

Last but not least the sleep deprivation got to me even just overnight. I don't know whether you get used to the lack of sleep but I felt absolutely shattered since I stayed up with dad, who was on baby-watch, until 2am then got up at 730am so mum could sit in the lounge and BF LO. I've got to say I was amazed at her patience even after very little sleep. I think I'm going to have to work on how grouchy I get when I don't get enough rest!

Anyway just thought I would share my experience with you all. It's definitely something I would recommend to anyone WTT for their first baby. Spending a whole day is so different (I think) to just visiting for an hour or two.

Not sure I will be actively online that much for a bit as OH and I are looking for a new house and then moving as our lease runs out soon. Also think I probably need to keep the broody under control for a bit!

 

[amylk87]

I feel quite stupid but I somehow thought babies slept for more extended periods of time!

Also, and this is going to sound a bit dreadful(!), but I found it a bit boring! She can't giggle or even smile yet

I loved this post espec. these comments! Sorry but i had to !
I know how you feel sometimes when i spent time with my niece (when she was newborn) i wanted her to be able to smile etc. but just holding her whilst she was sleeping...

My mum always says, cherish the time they are babies because it flys by so quickly.

 

[Catastrophe]

I know but I haven't really spent any time with babies as I am the youngest in my family and don't have many relatives at all so no experience at all!

My post probably sounded really negative but spending time with her hasn't put me off having children just made me realise I'm not ready just yet.

I'm looking forward to when she is more interested in everything and we can play games and things. Having said that I did enjoy feeding her and looking after her and she is gorgeous.

I feel a bit silly now, lol.

 

[amylk87]

No dont feel silly, but its easy for those with no experience to imagine something different.
I have grew up around younger children and my mum had my little brother when i was 7, so i helped her and his cot was in my bedroom so, at 7 i knew that babies don't sleep through the night!
I think it's good that it's not put you off, but accepting you're not ready is really positive too. When you come to TTC, you'll be ready for it!

 

[needausername]

lol! the stage were they do nothing major is my favourite! The most content I have ever been is a newborn snuggled up against me.

 

[Sarahkka]

Catastrophe - I felt many of the things you did, but in my case it was with my own baby. While I loved breastfeeding my son, it was so constant between that and soothing him to sleep, that in all honesty, there were many times when I was just plain bored. It didn't mean that I loved him any less, but I felt like a fog had lifted when he got to the stage where he could respond a bit. Nature has timed it really well - by about five weeks, the sleep deprivation and crying jags aren't even remotely cute anymore and you've just about had it, when all of a sudden they look right at you and smile.
Oooof.
End of story!
Your heart flip flops and it all seems much easier, suddenly!
Anyway, very familiar feelings to what you described and really smart of you to go and have that experience for yourself. There's nothing wrong with waiting, especially once you start to understand how all-encompassing a baby is.

 

[Cinnamon]

Thanks for the advice, I might try that some time before TTC... That way I can be prepared... Good job they get funnier all the time once they start. xxxx

 

[lozzy21]

Glad you enjoyed it hun. Im the other end, iv got no kids yet know what its like to have one. I got up with my little brother at 6.30 cos my mam was that shatterd. I have had him overnight since i got my own place at 6m old and looked after him for a week when he was 9m old. I had my lil sis im my room when i was 10 and she was 1ish and she still dident sleep throught out the night then. Dose my tits in when my friends with kids say i dont have a clue what its like.

 

[bunnyg82]

aww well I think it's good that you have done that so that you know the reality of babies!! I am sure you will find it more interesting and worth the effort when it's your own baby but it's good for you to know it isn't all good times xx

 

[Catastrophe]

Thanks for the replies =) I'm really glad I went so now I have a slightly better idea what to expect. I'm going to make sure that I join a mother and baby group and try to set up a support network of friends as otherwise I think I might actually go mad.

Unfortunately my mum and I aren't that close and my dad and stepmum live abroad. Haven't decided how well I get on with OH's mum (she's a bit scary ). Probably no major help from that quarter anyhow.

Do any of the mums have any other tips on how to cope?

On the plus side think we might have found a flat exciting!