Feeling jealous of the 'normal' babies

[kit10grl]

Been a horrible long day. DH and me are fighting a lot and LO doesnt seem to be making much progress at the moment. She has developed a cold which are making her nasal secretions quite thick and yucky so they have to keep suctioning the stents in her nose more often than usual. She gets upset, I get upset not good all round. Really getting to me the last few days and i just want to push all the nurses off her and tell them to leave her alone.

And tonight all the girls from my antenatal class were talking on facebook about how tired they are and they wish baby would just fall asleep etc, just the normal things mums of newborns wish for, same as i did with my son. I am a little jealous. They have their babies home at least. Mine hasnt been home and i have no idea at all when she is likely to get home, she is severly underweight and wont eat, so its unlikely to be soon. I've also started to accept she probably wont be breastfed like i hoped either, we have tried her with a bottle a few times and she struggled so much with it the tube had to go back in so im not holding my breath she will ever be able to manage latching. The only time i put her to the breast she showed no interest whatsoever.

Sorry ladies, just needed to get that out really and i cant really talk about it with them cos i dotn want them to feel guilty that there babies are healthy, they shouldnt feel thay have to censor themselves round me and i think they would if i was to share these feelings.

 

[dizz]

It's crap and I feel for you - it's sometimes a bit worse in that you don't fit in with the people you shared a due date with who are still complaining they're wanting to give birth and don't want to be reminded that "bad" things happen (in terms of prematurity), but you don't fit in with babies of the same actual age as yours because in terms of milestones - you're still chugging along with adjusted age.

What I'll say is what the one decent nurse on our transitional care ward said to me when I was feeling so disheartened at a lack of progress (and we had a smooth ride by comparison to many on here)... "once they start to take off - they do so incredibly fast and get home within days when it all clicks together"... and it really literally did - was a matter of days from her starting to make just tiny bits of progress with feeding - to the tube coming out and us sitting there waiting for BLOODY HOURS for discharge papers!

I can lend you one very overtired, pissed off, yanking her dummy out of her mouth and then complaining about it, I WILL NOT NAP ex-preemie if you REALLY want the "oh god go to sleep" experience for a bit!

 

[whistle]

There really are ups and downs to this NICU business aren't there? It's tiring and stressful, your LO has been through major stresses and so have you and hubby. It's really, really ok to feel stressed and jealous of your friends and tired of the whole thing.

By a month into our journey I was starting to feel worn down and just wanted to get my LO home. Oh, and I just wanted to chuck the f-ing pump out a window, and unplug the bloody sats monitor that beeped every time I touched my son as if I was shoplifting him!

Try if you can to take some time for yourself, have a bath or watch some trashy telly and recharge. You're doing such a great job. Don't panic about the breastfeeding - ask to see a lactation consultant to see what experience other mums have had in similar situations, and keep doing the skin-on-skin, just because it's lovely bonding, and don't panic about getting her to take a feed, they won't let her starve while you two are working it all out. She's underweight and recovering from surgery, so breastfeeding is probably the most strenuous thing she's had to do so far, and it could take her a long time to get the hang of it. If it doesn't work, NO-ONE can say you didn't try, but you've definitely not crossed that bridge yet, so try not to worry about it till it happens, keep offering, keep snuggling and see how it goes.

Keep your chin up, you get these days when it's horrible, and it's all happening at once, but in a few days you'll go in and she'll have made some other small progress, and you'll be on top of the world again. I really hope she's feeling better soon.

 

[kit10grl]

It's crap and I feel for you - it's sometimes a bit worse in that you don't fit in with the people you shared a due date with who are still complaining they're wanting to give birth and don't want to be reminded that "bad" things happen (in terms of prematurity), but you don't fit in with babies of the same actual age as yours because in terms of milestones - you're still chugging along with adjusted age.

What I'll say is what the one decent nurse on our transitional care ward said to me when I was feeling so disheartened at a lack of progress (and we had a smooth ride by comparison to many on here)... "once they start to take off - they do so incredibly fast and get home within days when it all clicks together"... and it really literally did - was a matter of days from her starting to make just tiny bits of progress with feeding - to the tube coming out and us sitting there waiting for BLOODY HOURS for discharge papers!

I can lend you one very overtired, pissed off, yanking her dummy out of her mouth and then complaining about it, I WILL NOT NAP ex-preemie if you REALLY want the "oh god go to sleep" experience for a bit![/QUOTE]

This made me actually lol. Which i then realised felt strange cos i havent actually laughed or smiled much this week. Then yesterday I ended up getting stressed out cos her monitor kept beeping all day and i finally broke down in tears in front of the nurse. (she was so nice about it) So i vowed to take some time off last night. So i left the hospital early Went and bought myself a video game that doesnt require a lot of concentration and me and hubby sat and played it for awhile. Its the first thing weve dont together this week that didnt end in an arguement. Had an early night and i feel much better this morning. So thanks for making me see it was that we were missing.

I really do hope once the stents in her nose come out that will be her turning point and itll be a quick trip home from then.

 

[kit10grl]

There really are ups and downs to this NICU business aren't there? It's tiring and stressful, your LO has been through major stresses and so have you and hubby. It's really, really ok to feel stressed and jealous of your friends and tired of the whole thing.

By a month into our journey I was starting to feel worn down and just wanted to get my LO home. Oh, and I just wanted to chuck the f-ing pump out a window, and unplug the bloody sats monitor that beeped every time I touched my son as if I was shoplifting him!

Try if you can to take some time for yourself, have a bath or watch some trashy telly and recharge. You're doing such a great job. Don't panic about the breastfeeding - ask to see a lactation consultant to see what experience other mums have had in similar situations, and keep doing the skin-on-skin, just because it's lovely bonding, and don't panic about getting her to take a feed, they won't let her starve while you two are working it all out. She's underweight and recovering from surgery, so breastfeeding is probably the most strenuous thing she's had to do so far, and it could take her a long time to get the hang of it. If it doesn't work, NO-ONE can say you didn't try, but you've definitely not crossed that bridge yet, so try not to worry about it till it happens, keep offering, keep snuggling and see how it goes.

Keep your chin up, you get these days when it's horrible, and it's all happening at once, but in a few days you'll go in and she'll have made some other small progress, and you'll be on top of the world again. I really hope she's feeling better soon.

Thank you. And yes i feel exactly the same way about the sats monitor.

I would really love to do skin to skin with her as we have NEVER been able to do that yet. But its not really practical where we are. I know its the nicu part of the forum but shes technically not in nicu anymore as when we transferred hospitals they said she was too old at 7 weeks to go into nicu (but they also said if we hadnt been transferred and had been in there since birth she would still be there) so shes still in a heated nicu cot, with nicu sats machines but shes actually on the childrens ward. So out in the open with three other kids round her, and were not allowed to pull the curtains round as the nurses need to see her at all times, not exactly the scenario i feel like gettin half dressed in. But its on my plan to be the first thing i do when we get home with her.

(hope i dont get kicked out for not technically having a nicu baby anymore lol)

 

[AP]

(hope i dont get kicked out for not technically having a nicu baby anymore lol)

Goodness me noooooo! If that was the case I'd have to kick myself out

 

[lozzy21]

Have you got a loose or stretchy tshirt that you could slip her under? That way you wouldent have to strip off.

 

[kit10grl]

Have you got a loose or stretchy tshirt that you could slip her under? That way you wouldent have to strip off.

ohh thats an idea. I dont but i could go get a cheap one that would do the job. Excellent idea thanks so much