Feeling like a failure - lost faith in myself

[becstar]

I just don't know what is going on with La and her sleep! We part time co-sleep (her cot is right next to the bed - had to put the side on a few months back as she started crawling and we can't get our room baby-proof entirely because of lack of space to put stuff - and when she wakes I lay her next to me and bf her and tend to go back to sleep.)

Her sleep is just all over the place though. We are pretty consistent with timings for bed time and nap time with flexibility - basically we watch her and she's usually tired just after her lunch at 12ish, and then bedtime is between 6-7.30. We don't force her to go to bed if she's not tired.

Every night is different though - 2 nights ago she slept from 6.45pm-2.13am which was although she then woke up again at 3.45am, 5am and then 7.11am. Last night I was feeling hopeful as she'd eaten loads all day, fed well at bedtime - well, she went to sleep at 7.40pm (she took ages to drop off last night), then woke at 8.35pm (a quick cuddle sent her back to sleep although this usually only works for the first wake up, if it's before 12am), then woke at 11.30pm, 12am, 12.15am... I gave up watching the clock then as she woke up intermittently through the early hours and then woke for the day before 5am!

I just feel like such a failure. She's had an early nap today as she was tired (me too!!) but I just feel so crap. I don't want to do CC or anything, I want to respond to her if she needs me, but am I doing something wrong?? Surely she should be sleeping better by now, she's over 1? All the CIO/CC mummies I know (and my mum) think I'm mad and maybe I am because their kids are sleeping and mine isn't? She doesn't have a regular waking pattern at all - she'll wake at similar times maybe 2/3 days in a row but then it changes. I just feel like I'm doing something wrong and I get so upset sometimes. Not always - often I think 'she's just a baby, she will settle eventually, being a mummy doesn't stop at night time, I enjoy the cuddles...' but every so often when I'm tired and hormonal I start to panic and lose faith.

I'm not looking for advice on how to change things really, just reassurance - will things change by themselves, will she grow out of it, am I doing something wrong? Any experience? Please reassure me.


PS At bedtime she has a really long breastfeed in bed interspersed with her getting up and rolling about, then coming back for more. She has a good feed normally, then gets up, flops back and goes all glazed. I usually put her in her cot awake but dopey or if she's just getting too agitated and tired, sometimes she'll calm down and sleep if I tuck her in bed. So she generally goes to sleep herself, but needs the boob to calm down first. In the night, if she wakes before 12am she can sometimes be settled with a cuddle and a song, but after that she claws at my boobs until I feed her and gets very upset it I don't.

 

[littlestar]

honey!

I've no advice to offer i'm afraid but i didn't want to R&R!

 

[Bayleaf]

No advice here as Emmett is 10 months old and possibly a worse sleeper than Ilana.
He never slept for more than 4 hours in one stretch since birth and tends to wake every 2-3 hours often every 90 mins.
That said he's happy and healthy and gets enough sleep. He's just a bad sleeper.

There's a few things we're trying at the moment to gently nudge him to BF less at night and sleep for longer stretches.
After his bath/bed time story I BF him until he's sleepy and relaxed but still awake. OH will then sing/whisper/pat him to sleep.
Quite often when Emmett wakes up OH is able to sing/whisper/pat him back to sleep. If not I will BF him again until sleepy then hand him over again.

I realized that co-sleeping doesn't work out that well for us anymore as it encourages him to crawl/roll/play around at night.
He is now in his own cot in his own room and more often than not will stay there the whole night.
Have a look at this

https://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070800.asp

I didn't sleep until I was 5 years old and still don't need as much sleep as others. This is what keeps me (and Emmett) going.

The 'sleep police' will always tell you that you're failing her by not doing CC/CIO but don't be disheartened. This phase will pass eventually and what she (and you!) will remember is your love and availability

 

[becstar]

No advice here as Emmett is 10 months old and possibly a worse sleeper than Ilana.
He never slept for more than 4 hours in one stretch since birth and tends to wake every 2-3 hours often every 90 mins.
That said he's happy and healthy and gets enough sleep. He's just a bad sleeper.

There's a few things we're trying at the moment to gently nudge him to BF less at night and sleep for longer stretches.
After his bath/bed time story I BF him until he's sleepy and relaxed but still awake. OH will then sing/whisper/pat him to sleep.
Quite often when Emmett wakes up OH is able to sing/whisper/pat him back to sleep. If not I will BF him again until sleepy then hand him over again.

I realized that co-sleeping doesn't work out that well for us anymore as it encourages him to crawl/roll/play around at night.
He is now in his own cot in his own room and more often than not will stay there the whole night.
Have a look at this

https://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070800.asp

I didn't sleep until I was 5 years old and still don't need as much sleep as others. This is what keeps me (and Emmett) going.

The 'sleep police' will always tell you that you're failing her by not doing CC/CIO but don't be disheartened. This phase will pass eventually and what she (and you!) will remember is your love and availability

That made me cry. Thank you. Yeah, La tends to roll and crawl and play for ages when she's in with me... Reading that article was interesting. I recently had my first ever evening out since she was born and husband put her to bed. She was distraught and cried until she was choking... I felt awful. She wouldn't sleep for long until I got back and was wide awake when I got in and pulled my dress down and latched on before I'd even sat down!!! I think I need to try to get husband on board with the night times but he is AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL at being woken up and is a PITA at the time and all the next day, too so I've never bothered asking him for help before.

 

[LittlePants]

Not sure how old your LO is, but all mine seemed to have a growth spurt at around 6-8 weeks, and wanted extra feeds for a couple of weeks.

Having said that, we never had a problem at nights fortunately. However, having watched my grandchildren being BF through the night for up to 3 years, and their mum always using the breast to get off them to sleep, I am convinced that babies just need some practice at getting themselves off to sleep without the breast. I don't think it's a feeding thing, but more a comfort thing. I never used the breast to get my 3 off to sleep, (although obviously sometimes they did fall asleep at the breast!) and so they managed at a very young age to go to sleep on their own. They were all BF until they chose to stop, but actually they all sucked a finger or thumb as well, and once they'd learnt to find it themselves, they went to sleep with no problem. All 3 were sleeping 11-12 hours without waking overnight at 6 weeks. Well at least they may have woken with a whimper, but quickly settled themselves back again, with no help from us. The thumb sucking stopped of it's own accord at around 5 years.

I guess this may be contraversial, so will be watching this thread with interest!

 

[becstar]

It says how old she is in my sig LP... She's one. Ilana has never taken to a dummy or her thumb/finger. If you can think of a way of making her do it, let me know.

She actually goes to sleep by herself every night, but won't do it during the night when she wakes.

 

[candyfloss]

William is still not sleeping through at all either. Can wake every 90 mins or sleep for a 7 hour stretch (but very rarely!). Oh can't do anything with W at night as he just screams, I walk in and hold him and he'll doze off just like that! OH never does bedtime either.

Someone shared a good link the other day in the bf section which I really like and think I'll try with W once he's over his cold and we're not away for any nights for a while.

Heres the link https://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

My brother didn't sleep well til he was 3, my FIL has less than 4 hours sleep a night and my mum is normally up 6 times or more a night so W has it in his genes I think to be a 'bad' sleeper! Even in the day he'll have 2 naps, maybe 60-90 mins max in total, he just doesn't need alot of sleep - unfortunately for me! Although he's having a long sleep today as we need to get the car to the garage at 11.30 for MOT, always the way!

Good luck, hope it gets better for you soon, it can really get you down I know.

 

[leighbaby]

I'm with you - still getting up anywhere between 0 and 6 times a night - every night is different.

She could be teething or learning new things, so her little brain is working overtime. She'll learn what ALL humans learn eventually (to sleep for long periods )

I don't mind though - although I sometimes have super tired days, I just don't mind.