Feeling like a failure

[msq]

I got to hold and breastfeed my little girl just an hour after she was born and it was amazing as she latched on very well. Things went well for a few feeds but then it seemed she was on my breast constantly. If she wasn't feeding then she had to at least be next to me at all times. She is 4 days old now and I gave up on breastfeeding already because I felt like I couldn't even take care of myself because she was constantly on me and my left nipple basically got destroyed from a poor latch. She latched okay on the right side but I really have trouble with her being on me constantly. I don't know what to do. I am so torn. I was so dead set on breastfeeding. She's my third and last baby and I want to be able to do this so badly I don't know what to do...

 

[justplay91]

If you can, stick with breastfeeding. It really does get better and easier. I gave up with my son too, and it basically devastated me. With my daughter, I was bound and determined that I was going to succeed at breastfeeding and we did. The first few days are so, so hard but it gets easier quickly. It really does.

 

[mac1979]

You are me right now...hang in there, we've got this!

 

[LisaL79]

You can try sticking with it longer, but honestly.. if it's making you miserable and taking time away from doing other things like being with your other kids or just having a moment to yourself... maybe it would be best to stop. You're not a failure if you stop Your baby will be fed one way or another and that is what counts

 

[msq]

Thank you for your responses everyone.

I am especially glad I read your post this morning Lisa.
I think it's just too much for me. The only way I would be able to breastfeed her successfully is if I let her sleep in my bed and have my breast out for her all night. That just isn't something I can do. Not only am I afraid of something happening to her from sleeping in my bed but I'm also afraid it would affect mine and my husbands relationship. I think we will stick with formula feeding and I just need to try to make myself feel better by telling myself that I tried as hard as I could. At least she got the colostrum which is supposedly very beneficial. It's just hard, I feel like crying every time I think about not being able to nurse her. It was just so important to me with all my kids and it sucks that I've gone through this 3 times. I feel like there are so many other mothers who stick with it and breastfeed all their children and when I compare myself to them I feel like I must not be good enough. Well, anyway... Thank you all for your support and advice.

 

[lau86]

You've done brilliantly, we all cope differently with different things and no one can say having a baby stuck to your bleeding nipples isn't horrendous. Don't feel guilty x

 

[noon_child]

I think feeling trapped by a newborn is totally normal. I also don't really think it has that much to do with breastfeeding (apart from the damaged nipple which could be due to a few things and definitely is not something to put up with). Babies are designed to want to be with their mum at all times; being held regulates their body temperature, heart rate and breathing and makes them feel safe. I remember just sometimes wanting to scream "GET OFF ME" in those early days, it is sooooooo hard.(Especially when nipple pain is added to the mix). Formula/bottle fed babies have the same needs though, it just sometimes takes the pressure off for a feed or two if we feel they aren't quite so ON us and especially if someone else can do some feeding.

If you are feeling emotional about stopping bf, would you consider combo feeding, or feeding pumped breastmilk, till you felt more settled and less anxious and could re evaluate how you feel? I know in the early weeks combo feeding isn't recommended because it can be hard to keep up your supply especially through growth spurts, but people do manage it.

Regarding one sided difficulty breastfeeding, you could actually just bf here from one side only. You get lopsided for a while but theres nothing else against it. If you have any support groups or access to organisations that will do home visits please, please use them. Even if you end up formula feeding full time, just talking to people who understand can be very healing (and yes I've never met a pushy breastfeeding counsellor, they all seemed to know how hard it could be).

 

[Hayley90]

X

 

[happynewmom1]

Yes this is all pretty normal for a baby that age. It's your choice and no shame if you want to go to formula. This baby was pretty much stuck to me cluster feeding on and off for the first week or two. It honestly just keeps getting easier as time goes on. Her latch wasn't very good at first causing a lot of pain but we got that figured out and we are doing great. If you decide to try again, you can try swaddling at night so baby feels snuggled or a pacifier eventually if she just wants something to sucks on. It's really ok if you feel like it isn't for you but I'd hate to see anyone regret or be sad about not breastfeeding. It's too hard to see about what it will really be like this soon. She just got here and nursing or not, will want to be close to you all the time right now. Hang in there.. It does get easier

 

[mrsclt]

You could always combine feed if you really want to bf but need some separation so your not constantly attached. You could prep some bottles ready in fridge, and if your with your other children or trying to have a shower or do shopping - anything you need/want to do without having to stop, hubby can give bub a bottle on those occasions. Then when bub wants a feed and you can sit and bf for however long bub wants, you can. Your supply may drop a bit if your substituting feeds, but you need it to otherwise you'll keep getting engorged. I exclusively bf for 3 and a half months, then started combined feeding, mostly because I was too embarrased to bf in public, or when the inlaws were around (which was often), but it allowed me to at least have a shower on my own and get fed, or get shopping done without having to sit in the parents room bfing for an hour mid-shop. Anyway I wish you all the best, just do what keeps you sane and happy, because your mental well being is just as important as feeding bub ☺

 

[mrsclt]

Also, you could try a nipple shield just on the left side until it heals, or you could keep using them if bub has trouble on that side. I wouldn't have made it past a week of bfing without nipple shields due to short nipples, and now still combined feeding at 15 months so they are a great help. Also have you tried a baby sling or carrier if bub just wants to be close to you? It'll free your hands at least... good luck!