Feeling like a really crap mum

[loopylou86]

Me and my OH broke up about 6 weeks ago as I couldn't pretend there was anything between us anymore. Since then, I just haven't coped anymore. Don't get me wrong, I have no feelings for him, I have just hit the self destruct button.

When I don't have my LO, I spend my day staring into a bottle, drinking loads, getting home late. I have finally admitted to myself that I have struggled to bond with him and I ignored it when I was with my OH but now its clear that I am finding it hard to find that connection with my LO. I think I might be suffering with PND and feel that it may have come when I couldn't BF and felt like a complete failure.

I ended up in a hostel, hated it, moved about 14 miles away from family into a place with OH's friend and now we have split, I need to move. I work full time, I earn an OK wage but not enough to rent privately back home. I would struggle to afford a one bed, what kind of life am I providing? I just feel like even more of a failure.

I have admitted to myself that homeless maybe the only option but I am dreading it. I feel like I cant deal with things; being on my own, finding that bond with LO, working full time, struggling with money, being so far away etc....

I feel so lost and I don't see a way out

 

[laurajane1982]

Im really sorry your feeling like this, i cant really give you advice on this situation as its not one ive been in myself however i didnt want to read and run and wanted to send you some big xxx

 

[loopylou86]

Im really sorry your feeling like this, i cant really give you advice on this situation as its not one ive been in myself however i didnt want to read and run and wanted to send you some big xxx

Thanks.

Just going through a really tough time. Struggling to find somewhere to live and always skint. Things would be so much easier if I didn't work but I am bit willing to do that. X

 

[Ginger84]

Im really sorry your feeling like this, sounds awful.

On a practical front i would go to citizens advice for info and support regarding finances, and how to apply for tax credits and things if you haven't already. Plus if you are going to be homeless you should get a housing association property pretty quickly i would think, which is much cheaper than normal rent. Can you not move back home with your parents for a while? Having support from your family would really help, company aswell when your not with LO.

I think its important that you still work, keep a little bit of yourself as well as being a mum, although as i am finding out, i will actually be worse off when i go back, but i think its worth it for that bit of time out and adult contact.

As for having PND, this is a very real condition and you should consider talking to your GP about it.

Dont really know what to say about you and your LO bonding, try spending some time together having fun, get out and feed the ducks or something. when im feeling down a nice long walk seems to help clear my head.

i hope you sort things out soon

 

[MummyJade]

You will def be able to get help towards rent, CAB will help you on that, as for the PND go to your doctors they will help you, also with you drinking if you feel like you have a problem....

i think everyone hits the destruction button, now and again... i think the moving back with family may help you get back on to your feet.. Bonding with your child i hope you get that soon it cant be easy, but i think the days out, park, painting, just sat on floor palying with bricks can help you xx

 

[whoops]

On the bonding front, I had a hard time connecting with Lily - it was only when she got to about three or four months that I really started to feel it. The thing is, though, the love I have for her now was always there, it was just hidden by all the pain and stress I was going through at the time. And even now, there's days where I feel frustrated or on edge and that bond and love gets hidden for a little while.

What I'm trying to say is don't give yourself a hard time and don't try to force the bond. It's there, it's just being overshadowed by everything else you're going through right now.

In practical terms, the best thing you can do is to go to your doctor and explain how you're feeling and that you're worried about PND. Even if you don't go on medication, he/she might be able to refer you to a counsellor and that could help you come to terms with some things, like how you feel about breastfeeding. FWIW, you're not a failure - breastfeeding is tough. In real life, I only know one person who successfully managed to breastfeed both her children for over six months each - everyone else has had to express for various reasons or move onto formula.