Feeling like the only one......with four

[Laylagirl]

Hi! I am currently 19 weeks almost 20 weeks....this is my FOURTH baby! I am really quite scared, but also feeling a little embarrassed. People look at me with dismay because i have three already. As if I cant be as excited because this one is my fourth. I have three girls and this one is supposed to be my first little guy so I am quite excited....
Ive been going through some communication issue with my husband, but have decided that i will not let that bring me down. If we can get it together thats great, but I cant be stressed out for my pregnancy. No way.

Anyway, I am just looking for some ladies who are also have their fourth or MORE!
How are you feeling? I just dont want to be the only one...
What are you experiencing? Ive noticed this being my fourth that when I sneeze, I better look out! I am definitley experiencing that pregnancy incontinance this time around and its awful!!! LOL

Thank you for reading....

 

[wanting2more]

Hello!! We are expecting our 4th! We have had alot of mixed responses from everyone we know but we also got that with #3 and the fact our kids are quite close in age! Who cares!! lol . We are happy, im slightly terrified lol.

So far we have girl, boy, girl and the sonographer gave us a guess at 13wks as a boy but we wont really nkow until the 15th when we have our next scan.

This is yet another different pregnancy so its certainly true for me when they say 'every pregnancy is different'. Im feeling quite huge compared to my last pregnancy so thats a bit off putting but otherwise im actually passed my horrid MS and lack of appetite and am now im slightly 'normal' lol

 

[DolceBella]

I'm having my third, and I get comments too sometimes. One person actually had the nerve to ask if it was planned!! I feel like they would never ask that if it was my first or second.

 

[Hoping4Four]

Hi there I'm also on number 4 and I know what you mean about the looks/comments! Big families are becoming less common these days and I think it's a shame that some people are very negative towards those who have lots of a kids. More kids = more love in my opinion.

I'm actually feeling pretty good, I lost a lot of weight before I got pregnant so although my bump is bigger this time round the rest of me is smaller and healthier, so I think it's making a difference. I'm also doing yoga three times a week to keep my strength up, and I try to remember to do my pelvic floor exercises as often as I can!!

Congrats on your little man after three girls, how exciting!! I have two girls and a boy, and this time I think it's another boy but we won't know for sure until November!

 

[NandO1]

I'm on #4 and although no-one has come out and said anything (mil) I can sense disapproval but I dont care! Every child is a blessing, planned or unplanned and I cannot wait. I come from a big family and I personally dont consider 4 a big family. Congrats hun and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. xx

 

[mrs.humphreys]

I'm on number 4 too & I get the exact same response but I really don't care what other people think! It's our choice & we're happy to be expecting another do that's all that matters, I come from a big family myself & my hubby is 1 of 4 I live having kids & I think it's great that they're all gonna have life long friends as they grow up. The thing that's driving me insane is the fact everyone is obsessed with me having a girl this time, I have 3 boys & to be honest I'd love to have another boy! But all I keep getting off people is "I bet you want a girl this time don't you?" Or the most irritating is off my hubby's side my mil was desperate for a girl & ended up with 4 boys & now has 4 grandsons so the comments I get now is "I hope it's a girl for sues (my mil) sake"!!!! I mean wtf it's our baby not hers!!!! Don't let others get you down hunni big family's are great xx

 

[shirlls]

Don't feel embarrassed or take any notice of anyone who makes you feel that way, every child is a blessing and it is entirely you and your OH's decision how many children you have. four isn't that large a family, my mum is one of six children and I know a couple with seven, and even another with ten!

I am currently pregnant with twins and I already have a son who will be 2 next month. I have had looks of dismay and been made to feel embarrassed, as though I am having lots of children (er, three is not a lot of children, besides which I didn't exactly plan twins either!). I also get the comments about 'all the hard work ahead of us', and how 'we are gluttons for punishment'. People should keep their opinions to themselves, it is nothing to do with them.

Enjoy your pregnancy and don't let anyone make you feel like you shouldn't be excited.

xx

 

[Laylagirl]

Thank you ladies! I just see other family members having their second baby and being excited but then they look at me as if Im taking food out of their mouths....
Example....my cousin is pregnant with her second...her first is a boy. This second baby is going to be a girl. She has NO job, NO car, NO diploma, NO house, and NO desire for a better life than that....and yet the family welcomes her SECOND over my fourth....and I cant help but feel bitter or resentful....
I have three girls already...but we take care of all of them financially, my cousin receives government cash aid....we have medical insurance from husbands work, she has government medi-cal, she lives with her boyfriend's family in a bedroom, we have a our own home....I'm married, we are dealing with some frustrations and communication stuff....I am very insecure...so even though he tells me i have nothing to worry about, I still worry he will see someone else better than me and kick me to the curb....so we get into arguments if he feels my questions start getting accusatory when i ask about work, or girls at work.....i dint know how to control that.

Anyway, we try to work on that.....my cousin is ALWAYS fighting with her husband, PUBLICLY as well....and he was a drug user before...not sure about now...

Please don't misunderstand me and think I am being judgmental about families who need the government assistance...its there to help families get back on their feet, but for her to judge me as if her baby is more important because I have so many already..... At least we pay for our own.... And my family....they feel she is entitled to a shower because she got her 'pair' now.....but my little guy doesn't deserve one because hes my fourth.. With my three girls, I had a baby shower for ONE......

Anyway, i appreciate you fourth time mommies responses.... Its good to know Im not alone...
When are you ladies due?

 

[NandO1]

I get "ooh you'll be busy" well im busy now so another isnt gonna make much difference. Or oooh that baby stage! well i cant make it come out any more mature than newborn. I also know from experience that all the stages dont last long so that thought doesnt phase me, and it seems to hack them off when i tell them so!

 

[Spiffynoodles]

I'm on my third right now, but DH and I will probably have 6+ kids, so I can only imagine the comments I'll get.

 

[Luvspnk31]

I'm on #5. My neighbor has 10, so I just mention her when people give me raised eyebrows, lol.

 

[DocMcStuffins]

I'm on number 3 so not quite where you are, and we'll be stopping here, and we get the comments from people.

Our families are both happy and excited for us and buy things for this baby. I don't think this baby came as a shock to them, I think they just had a feeling we'd go for a third.

But work colleagues and 'friends' make comments like 'you must be crazy' and 'you think it's hard with two.......' - that one REALLay pisses me off. Ummm, no I have never said I find it hard with 2 so where the hell are you getting that from! And this comes from people that have 2 kids themselves so no experience of how hard it might be with 3. I always get 'how will you cope when your husband is back at work', how will you do the school run, you haven't got enough pairs of hands between you, let alone on your own! Like seriously, can you not just be a little bit happy for me, or if you really can't then just keep your f'ing mouth shut!

X

 

[NotNic]

I'm only on my 2nd but my oh is one of 4, I'm one of 3 (but my mum was a childminder - so always felt like a 5), my Dad is one of 6 and my grandmother was one of 14. It's kind of expected that we won't stop at 2. We always said we wanted 3 or 4 but realistically I'm thinking we might be done on 2. My body isnt coping as well this pregnancy and i worry about the financial demands of a bigger family. Growing up though I always felt sorry for people with only one sibling(!), so it feels weird not fulfilling our expected amount. Honestly though I don't consider 4 an excessive amount of children and certainly nothing to be judged on!

 

[Laylagirl]

I'm on my third right now, but DH and I will probably have 6+ kids, so I can only imagine the comments I'll get.

Good for you! I would also like one more...but if I did, probably not till this little one is about 5!!

 

[Gingerspice]

Other in my family have 4 or more but just not appealing to me. I was one of 4 and although I loved having siblings I also had so many cut backs in life. My parents did the best they could but I never travelled and never got to do the full, n extra curricula stuff at school. I want to be comfortable and not make sacrifices so 2 is it for us. I just look at those with lots of children and just seems complete chaos and stress.

If you're in a position to do it, have a house that fits them and not leaning on others to make it work (Inc government) its your own business. Good luck

 

[ItsJana]

I think it's no ones business how many kids you have. I'm on number 3 and frankly no one seems to care, I haven't told anyone the gender and I'm sure if I did I'd get more excitement because this one is a boy and I already have 2 girls. There are well off people that have a couple of kids and are absent parents in every sense of the word and there are less well off people who have more kids and are great parents. I would have rather grown up poor, but with a lot of love in the house. It doesn't take a well off family to raise a child(ren) right.

 

[Spiffynoodles]

I think it's no ones business how many kids you have. I'm on number 3 and frankly no one seems to care, I haven't told anyone the gender and I'm sure if I did I'd get more excitement because this one is a boy and I already have 2 girls. There are well off people that have a couple of kids and are absent parents in every sense of the word and there are less well off people who have more kids and are great parents. I would have rather grown up poor, but with a lot of love in the house. It doesn't take a well off family to raise a child(ren) right.

I absolutely agree! My FIL is one of 8 kids, and my DH got to grow up with so many cousins, and every family get-together is full of so much love. They didn't have all the nicest things growing up, but the bonds they have with each other are so strong now, and it's such an amazing support system. That's part of the reason why DH and I want so many kids. We'd love to have a big family full of love, like that.

 

[luvymom]

I'm having #5 and honestly hope to still have more. I came from big family, very poor. And my dad NEVER used goverment assistance. we didn't get to travel, have the most popular clothes, etc., but I wouldn't trade the love and joy from my childhood for any of that other stuff. I feel I learned so much and as a result, I was a very responsible teenager and adult.

I do good get looks/comments from people but I remind them that every child is a blessing and we are all very happy. I can't imagine life without any of them.

I also hate the looks and questions I get from people because this baby and my youngest will only be 19 months apart, which really isn't that close.

anyway, you have our support.

 

[emeeorevan]

I'm on #3 and I get all of those questions! My first two are boys (ages 11 & 7) so I get the "I bet you want a girl" a lot but its worse cause my own mother has 4 grandsons and wants a girl. I hear it from her everyday! Now she has my boys saying they want a girl and asking my constantly " mom, don't you want a girl?" to which I respond"I want a healthy baby". But the worst is the looks and comments about starting over and "did you want this?" to be honest is was a huge surprise but I'd NEVER say it was unwanted or unplanned. To be considered unplanned you have to have a plan, for birth control or something. To be honest I'm surprised we have had #3 sooner cause we have just been on the "what will be will be" route through our marriage.

 

[SonAmyMom]

I'm expecting our 5th, and I sometimes get the same kinds of reactions. Fortunately, I live in an area where family sizes tend to be a bit larger, but that doesn't mean that I don't still get the "what, another one?" kind of looks. It does irritate me, but I try to not react.

Also, because this is our 4th boy in a row (the oldest is a girl, the rest boys), we get a lot of sympathetic "oh, I'm sorry it's not a girl" kind of replies. Yes, we were a tiny bit disappointed (I really did want another girl) but we're soooo excited now for our boy, and it will be a lot easier since we have so much boy stuff already!

You're not alone in this!