Feeling overwhelmed and emotional

[tinymumma]

Currently 10 DPO and this is my first cycle of taking Vitex. I don't really know when AF is due but judging by my chart, I'd say she's on her way. If (when ) my temp drops below the cover line tomorrow she will show either the same day or the day after.
I'm just feeling very emotional right now, depressed really. I've sat in my couch holding my son all day. I haven't done any housework at all and hubby will be home in two hours, so I really need to get my butt into gear but I just can't. I just want to curl up in bed for a week or so and just cry and sleep.
While sitting in the couch with Bub, an ad came on for the new season of the Voice and they're flying in rockets or something like that. Bub started cracking up laughing and I almost burst into tears. No warning my nose went all funny and my eyes flooded with tears.
I'm still clinging onto stupid hope as I've been having o type pains the last few days, stronger today and increased cm but my temps don't lie. Onto cycle #10 and I don't want to do it anymore but I can't stop. I just want another baby, so badly. I just don't want to be TTC but I can't turn my brain off to it, if that makes sense? DS took just under 3 years to concieve and I'm starting to think it's going to happen all over again. I just don't know why it's so hard?! If makes me so angry. I have no health problems (except I could probably put on a few kilos), I'm young, I do have a short lp but that's an easy fix and am cyrrently taking the Vitex for this reason. It's just not fair. I didn't think it would be like this, this time around.
I know there are ladies on here who've been trying for a lot longer and as much as I hate to admit it, every time I see ladies getting BFPS after not even one cycle of TTC or within a few months, I get overwhelmingly jealous.
I just want to be able to give my son a sibling. I want to watch my belly rolling with a new little life and watch my sons face light up in amazement and have hubby rubbing my bump and little baby kicking his hand.
We don't have private health insurance (it's not a must where I live) to see a FS and we don't have 10's of thousands to see one anyway. I just feel so defeated, depressed and just plain emotional.
Sorry for the rant ladies xx Just need to let it out. Hubby doesn't understand as he's very laid back about it all.
Thank you for reading and to all

 

[Trying4first1]

Hey tinymumma
Sorry that you are feeling this way. I have been ttc for nearly two years now so I know the feeling well.
I know so many people who are pregnant and there have been so many announcements since our third loss, one lot of friends announced on the day I found out our bean was not going to survive. Also I swear a good friend of mine is now expecting. People who got married way after us are now expecting and we are still ttc yet again (I think you get the idea).
I find that I have to keep myself busy and set myself little tasks to do. We have been doing lots of decorating and have little trips planned so we still have things in life to look forward too.
When AF arrives I always pamper myself, watch funny movies etc and really spend some time chilling out. I feel a bit annoyed when she first arrives but then I just think oh well at least I'm a cycle closer 😊
Take care of yourself