Feeling pressured by oh and his family over my sons name, am I being petty?

[JJKCB]

it would cause confusion at school and stuff if my son is telling friends he's called James yet on the morning register he's getting called Matthew.

to be honest I think your being a little silly over it, yes you have a say and if you dont like Matthew then that's fine but their is nothing wrong with going by their middle name, in fact its way more common than you would assume

I live pretty close to you my sons first name has never been called out on the register at school or anything else lol... you just tell them what name he uses, in fact the application form for school admission says:

full legal name: ............................................
name known by: .............................................

then they are only called by the name written in the known by section

my whole family go by their middle name and their has never been a problem

 

[JJKCB]

And men say we never compromise!
I am currently having an argument with my OH over the bloody baby's car seat, because he wants to use a second hand maxi cosi, and I want to use our brand new graco one - now THAT is a petty argument.. The thing is, even though I know its petty, its still irritating me too much to drop it.
Honestly.

sorry but I have to wade in here, its recommended that you never use a 'used' or 'second hand' car seat, you cant possibly know what damage it may of suffered the weakened the structure... a little extra money for your child's safety is always the best option, car seats should be changed every few years too as the weaken

sorry but its an area close to my heart as I was saved completely by a car seat in a horrific crash (only 1 scratch of the window glass) as a toddler and my family wern't as lucky and where left paralised, the crash investigaters said I would of been dead if it wasnt for the car seat taking most of the force so a car seat really can save a childs life

 

[Pearls18]

it would cause confusion at school and stuff if my son is telling friends he's called James yet on the morning register he's getting called Matthew.

to be honest I think your being a little silly over it, yes you have a say and if you dont like Matthew then that's fine but their is nothing wrong with going by their middle name, in fact its way more common than you would assume

I live pretty close to you my sons first name has never been called out on the register at school or anything else lol... you just tell them what name he uses, in fact the application form for school admission says:

full legal name: ............................................
name known by: .............................................

then they are only called by the name written in the known by section

my whole family go by their middle name and their has never been a problem

I don't think the OP is being silly, if her OH is happy to call their son James it's completely silly to have it as the middle name! It's causing unnecessary phaff even if you think it's a small phaff, why on earth should their son have to fill out two names on a form for the rest of his life just because on his birth certificate his dad for no good reason wants his name as the first name even though he has said he will call him James? I say start as you mean to go on, and it's ridiculous to start out with putting the name you know you will use as the middle name, and totally understand the OP's frustration. The only people I know who go by their middle names are those who have chosen to at an older age because they don't like their first name and that's fine that's there choice.

 

[AP]

I dont think she's being silly either. It's a big decision. Why should she be swayed by his family, her opinion counts too? Its important to her.

 

[deafgal]

I personally would leave matthew out because they might just call him that. Tell them you might use it for the next time you do have a son.

 

[deafgal]

it would cause confusion at school and stuff if my son is telling friends he's called James yet on the morning register he's getting called Matthew.

to be honest I think your being a little silly over it, yes you have a say and if you dont like Matthew then that's fine but their is nothing wrong with going by their middle name, in fact its way more common than you would assume

I live pretty close to you my sons first name has never been called out on the register at school or anything else lol... you just tell them what name he uses, in fact the application form for school admission says:

full legal name: ............................................
name known by: .............................................

then they are only called by the name written in the known by section

my whole family go by their middle name and their has never been a problem

I don't think the OP is being silly, if her OH is happy to call their son James it's completely silly to have it as the middle name! It's causing unnecessary phaff even if you think it's a small phaff, why on earth should their son have to fill out two names on a form for the rest of his life just because on his birth certificate his dad for no good reason wants his name as the first name even though he has said he will call him James? I say start as you mean to go on, and it's ridiculous to start out with putting the name you know you will use as the middle name, and totally understand the OP's frustration. The only people I know who go by their middle names are those who have chosen to at an older age because they don't like their first name and that's fine that's there choice.

Both of my grandmas and my husband's grandma did this. My grandmother's name was Annie...and she hated it and picked her middle name as her name. I personally think her name is lovely.

 

[JJKCB]

it would cause confusion at school and stuff if my son is telling friends he's called James yet on the morning register he's getting called Matthew.

to be honest I think your being a little silly over it, yes you have a say and if you dont like Matthew then that's fine but their is nothing wrong with going by their middle name, in fact its way more common than you would assume

I live pretty close to you my sons first name has never been called out on the register at school or anything else lol... you just tell them what name he uses, in fact the application form for school admission says:

full legal name: ............................................
name known by: .............................................

then they are only called by the name written in the known by section

my whole family go by their middle name and their has never been a problem

I don't think the OP is being silly, if her OH is happy to call their son James it's completely silly to have it as the middle name! It's causing unnecessary phaff even if you think it's a small phaff, why on earth should their son have to fill out two names on a form for the rest of his life just because on his birth certificate his dad for no good reason wants his name as the first name even though he has said he will call him James? I say start as you mean to go on, and it's ridiculous to start out with putting the name you know you will use as the middle name, and totally understand the OP's frustration. The only people I know who go by their middle names are those who have chosen to at an older age because they don't like their first name and that's fine that's there choice.

you fill out the form exactly the same either way

if your looking at it that stupidly then no one should have a middle name unless they're known by both names all the time lol after all why should they write out 2 names (first and middle) if their not know by the middle? its just a 'phaff'

 

[Pearls18]

it would cause confusion at school and stuff if my son is telling friends he's called James yet on the morning register he's getting called Matthew.

to be honest I think your being a little silly over it, yes you have a say and if you dont like Matthew then that's fine but their is nothing wrong with going by their middle name, in fact its way more common than you would assume

I live pretty close to you my sons first name has never been called out on the register at school or anything else lol... you just tell them what name he uses, in fact the application form for school admission says:

full legal name: ............................................
name known by: .............................................

then they are only called by the name written in the known by section

my whole family go by their middle name and their has never been a problem

I don't think the OP is being silly, if her OH is happy to call their son James it's completely silly to have it as the middle name! It's causing unnecessary phaff even if you think it's a small phaff, why on earth should their son have to fill out two names on a form for the rest of his life just because on his birth certificate his dad for no good reason wants his name as the first name even though he has said he will call him James? I say start as you mean to go on, and it's ridiculous to start out with putting the name you know you will use as the middle name, and totally understand the OP's frustration. The only people I know who go by their middle names are those who have chosen to at an older age because they don't like their first name and that's fine that's there choice.

you fill out the form exactly the same either way

if your looking at it that stupidly then no one should have a middle name unless they're known by both names all the time lol after all why should they write out 2 names (first and middle) if their not know by the middle? its just a 'phaff'

Now whose being silly....it's the having to explain that you have one name but go by another, it's completely unnecessary plus not all forms have that option, as I say if someone chooses to change their name then fair enough but what a waste of time putting one name down when you know full well you are going raise them as a different name? It's completely pointless, we have FIRST names and MIDDLE names for a reason....

I cannot see one good reason for the boy's name being Matthew, the Dad hasn't even pressed a desire for his son to have the same first names because he has admitted himself he will call him James, so please, as you are obviously able to look at this much less stupidly than I, explain a good reason for putting Matthew as the first name and use his middle name?

 

[JJKCB]

it would cause confusion at school and stuff if my son is telling friends he's called James yet on the morning register he's getting called Matthew.

to be honest I think your being a little silly over it, yes you have a say and if you dont like Matthew then that's fine but their is nothing wrong with going by their middle name, in fact its way more common than you would assume

I live pretty close to you my sons first name has never been called out on the register at school or anything else lol... you just tell them what name he uses, in fact the application form for school admission says:

full legal name: ............................................
name known by: .............................................

then they are only called by the name written in the known by section

my whole family go by their middle name and their has never been a problem

I don't think the OP is being silly, if her OH is happy to call their son James it's completely silly to have it as the middle name! It's causing unnecessary phaff even if you think it's a small phaff, why on earth should their son have to fill out two names on a form for the rest of his life just because on his birth certificate his dad for no good reason wants his name as the first name even though he has said he will call him James? I say start as you mean to go on, and it's ridiculous to start out with putting the name you know you will use as the middle name, and totally understand the OP's frustration. The only people I know who go by their middle names are those who have chosen to at an older age because they don't like their first name and that's fine that's there choice.

you fill out the form exactly the same either way

if your looking at it that stupidly then no one should have a middle name unless they're known by both names all the time lol after all why should they write out 2 names (first and middle) if their not know by the middle? its just a 'phaff'

Now whose being silly....it's the having to explain that you have one name but go by another, it's completely unnecessary plus not all forms have that option, as I say if someone chooses to change their name then fair enough but what a waste of time putting one name down when you know full well you are going raise them as a different name? It's completely pointless, we have FIRST names and MIDDLE names for a reason....

I cannot see one good reason for the boy's name being Matthew, the Dad hasn't even pressed a desire for his son to have the same first names because he has admitted himself he will call him James, so please, as you are obviously able to look at this much less stupidly than I, explain a good reason for putting Matthew as the first name and use his middle name?

well as ive said from actual experience no one in our family has had a problem ever... so actually in fact its no issue - people that make an issue out of it are the people that dont use their middle names lol

I said if she doesn't like Matthew that's fine, she shouldn't be pressured into a name she doesn't like but the whole 'cant be called by your middle name' thing is ridiculous as its very common (just as common as having 2 middle names) and most people dont know, if you say my name is James no one automatically goes 'is that the first or middle name' they will just call him James, you have probably encountered dozens of people and not known the 'known by' name is actually their middle because I bet you dont ask everyone lol

 

[Pearls18]

it would cause confusion at school and stuff if my son is telling friends he's called James yet on the morning register he's getting called Matthew.

to be honest I think your being a little silly over it, yes you have a say and if you dont like Matthew then that's fine but their is nothing wrong with going by their middle name, in fact its way more common than you would assume

I live pretty close to you my sons first name has never been called out on the register at school or anything else lol... you just tell them what name he uses, in fact the application form for school admission says:

full legal name: ............................................
name known by: .............................................

then they are only called by the name written in the known by section

my whole family go by their middle name and their has never been a problem

I don't think the OP is being silly, if her OH is happy to call their son James it's completely silly to have it as the middle name! It's causing unnecessary phaff even if you think it's a small phaff, why on earth should their son have to fill out two names on a form for the rest of his life just because on his birth certificate his dad for no good reason wants his name as the first name even though he has said he will call him James? I say start as you mean to go on, and it's ridiculous to start out with putting the name you know you will use as the middle name, and totally understand the OP's frustration. The only people I know who go by their middle names are those who have chosen to at an older age because they don't like their first name and that's fine that's there choice.

you fill out the form exactly the same either way

if your looking at it that stupidly then no one should have a middle name unless they're known by both names all the time lol after all why should they write out 2 names (first and middle) if their not know by the middle? its just a 'phaff'

Now whose being silly....it's the having to explain that you have one name but go by another, it's completely unnecessary plus not all forms have that option, as I say if someone chooses to change their name then fair enough but what a waste of time putting one name down when you know full well you are going raise them as a different name? It's completely pointless, we have FIRST names and MIDDLE names for a reason....

I cannot see one good reason for the boy's name being Matthew, the Dad hasn't even pressed a desire for his son to have the same first names because he has admitted himself he will call him James, so please, as you are obviously able to look at this much less stupidly than I, explain a good reason for putting Matthew as the first name and use his middle name?

well as ive said from actual experience no one in our family has had a problem ever... so actually in fact its no issue - people that make an issue out of it are the people that dont use their middle names lol

I said if she doesn't like Matthew that's fine, she shouldn't be pressured into a name she doesn't like but the whole 'cant be called by your middle name' thing is ridiculous as its very common (just as common as having 2 middle names) and most people dont know, if you say my name is James no one automatically goes 'is that the first or middle name' they will just call him James, you have probably encountered dozens of people and not known the 'known by' name is actually their middle because I bet you dont ask everyone lol

No one has said he couldn't go by his middle name just that it all seems so completely unnecessary, they know what he will be called but to then go and do the opposite on the birth certificate what is the point. You think there is no issue (although most people here have disagreed including someone who goes by their middle name) but there's no point either! If the OP was happy to do that then fair enough but she clearly isn't so we're all just trying to say we don't think she's being petty and while I would always say there is a compromise somewhere I really think that compromise is having the name as a middle name, it's the easiest solution all around and will be easiest for the baby so think it was unfair for you to say she is being silly when you yourself haven't even been able to say why her OH is being sensible (but I appreciate this is an open forum where we can discuss our opinions of course). I know I for one would be annoyed at my parents if they never intended to use my first name...why not just be like everyone else and keep things simple, then if I choose to use my middle name (as I know many people do including my MIL) that is my choice.

Sorry for the waffle lol, I really didn't know I was so passionate about keeping personal admin simple

 

[RubyRainbows]

Have you talked with your OH yet? I think he will agree that James Matthew is the perfect name for your baby boy. Especially since you both love & want to use the name James.

I bet his family is just pushing for a little Matthew Jr! And maybe he just wants to please them. Stick to your guns and refuse to give your baby a name you don't 100% love!

There is zero reason (for anyone) to deliberately/intentionally give their baby a first name that they don't intend to use.

The few ppl I know that "go by" their middle name - made that choice later in life bc they preferred their middle name for whatever reason.

 

[MariposaTam]

This would bother me to no end. You've already bonded, and don't want to deal with the hassle of a different first name on forms etc. If i were you, I would make this clear to OH and his family and try not give them a hint that you are considering it or are even bothered by it, because they can take that and run with it. Stay strong in your choice I can imagine how stressful this is for you. You should be eagerly awaiting baby James, not dealing with family trouble.

 

[JJKCB]

Have you talked with your OH yet? I think he will agree that James Matthew is the perfect name for your baby boy. Especially since you both love & want to use the name James.

I bet his family is just pushing for a little Matthew Jr! And maybe he just wants to please them. Stick to your guns and refuse to give your baby a name you don't 100% love!

There is zero reason (for anyone) to deliberately/intentionally give their baby a first name that they don't intend to use.

The few ppl I know that "go by" their middle name - made that choice later in life bc they preferred their middle name for whatever reason.

there are plenty of reasons and 1000s of people do it, they're just not your reasons but congratulations on being an offensive and ignorant

 

[Nela]

(Didn't read whole thread sorry for repeats)

James Matthew is what I would suggest as well. It's not nice for you to be feeling so pressured about it. Naming your child should be a decision made only by you and your OH and you guys had successfully done that. It's such an important and sentimental decision. It's best to be direct and honest now because who knows what else the family might want to put pressure on you for later. I know they probably didn't mean to make it a bad thing but I would really speak up so that you can be more comfy about things now and in the future.

 

[Leesy]

You are not being silly. I think it was rude of the grand father to suggest it in the first place. As your husband was happy with James, as many others have said, James Matthew is a great comprimise. I don't understand why you would purposely give a name to a baby you had no intention of actually calling them. Sounds like you are going to have to put your foot down on this one. Good Luck!

 

[tommyg]

Op you are 100% right to stick to your guns - babys name is James!
You've offered up a compromise of using Mathew as a middle name.

I could be getting the complete wrong impression but he wants Mathew first as his explaination will be "He's called after MEEE but his mother wants him to be known as James". I also think it's wrong of his family to be putting their noses in - they've had their chance at naming their children.

I've a friend who is fairly convinced that in the majority of cases men don't care about middle names, so your middle name is the one your mum gave you! And in dear son case it's 110% true. We choose his first name together and I decided on his middle name alone - he was neither for or against it and the first person to be told was a midwife form filling - DH "Oh he's having a middle name" Me "Yes, are you sure you are OK with it" DH "yes"

 

[HBGirl]

You are not being silly at all. DH and I both agreed that if one of us vetos a name it won't be used.

 

[Hooblet]

Have you talked with your OH yet? I think he will agree that James Matthew is the perfect name for your baby boy. Especially since you both love & want to use the name James.

I bet his family is just pushing for a little Matthew Jr! And maybe he just wants to please them. Stick to your guns and refuse to give your baby a name you don't 100% love!

There is zero reason (for anyone) to deliberately/intentionally give their baby a first name that they don't intend to use.

The few ppl I know that "go by" their middle name - made that choice later in life bc they preferred their middle name for whatever reason.

there are plenty of reasons and 1000s of people do it, they're just not your reasons but congratulations on being an offensive and ignorant

The point is, though, that the OP's partner doesn't have a reason other than that he's now randomly decided that this is what he wants to do. A child's name should ideally be something both parents are happy with, and she is suggesting a compromise to suit both - her partner seems to be refusing this compromise but with no real reason.

I appreciate that your family has decided to mostly go by middle names and many other people do too, and I strongly believe everyone should do what works for them.

However the OP has said she has particularly bonded with the name James in this instance, and is upset by the thought of changing it now, and you have called her silly for it - at least, that is how your first post in this topic reads.

 

[RubyRainbows]

Well that works out then, bc I find a good majority of your posts "offensive and ignorant" as many others seem to, based on the fact that I constantly see ppl arguing with you on numerous threads. And I know your answer will be something like "On the contrary, most ppl find me lovely" bc I've seen you post that on several occasions already. But - I will not feed into your need for attention by constantly hijacking other people's posts. So I will not be responding further to you.

The OP asked for opinions, and I gave her mine.

Have you talked with your OH yet? I think he will agree that James Matthew is the perfect name for your baby boy. Especially since you both love & want to use the name James.

I bet his family is just pushing for a little Matthew Jr! And maybe he just wants to please them. Stick to your guns and refuse to give your baby a name you don't 100% love!

There is zero reason (for anyone) to deliberately/intentionally give their baby a first name that they don't intend to use.

The few ppl I know that "go by" their middle name - made that choice later in life bc they preferred their middle name for whatever reason.

there are plenty of reasons and 1000s of people do it, they're just not your reasons but congratulations on being an offensive and ignorant

 

[MikaylasMummy]

That's just ridiculous!!if he is going to be called James why on earth can he not be James Matthew??how is that ANY different except it saved the child complete confusion of being called one thing by some and something else by others.it makes no sense to me.and if his family can't see that either then register your son first!honestly your oh was all on board so I would just get in diet and get it done