Feeling reflective and sad about my failed homebirth.

[sweetthang24]

My LO is now 13 weeks old and i think im coming out of the honeymoon faze of giving birth.

I made the mistake of watching homebirth on ITV last week and i had a good old cry (floods of tears actually) about the fact that i didnt have that complete amazing high that everyone talks about and is so evident on their faces when they have a home birth.

Archie arrived 3 weeks early after my labour stalled 5 hours into it whilst i was in the birth pool at home, i had to be transferred into hospital and put on a drip. I understand that you have no control over your body and its not garunteed you will get your birthplan but i just feel really disappointed that it didnt happen for us.

it sounds really selfish i know - i am over the moon we have a healthy baby boy and its still a good story to tell but the emotion i feel when i think about how it could have been is overwhelming.

our story if you want more details

 

[BunnyN]

Aww, I feel for you, at least you tried. It's true that the most important thing is a healthy baby (and mum) in the end but that doesn't mean you can't be sad that things didn't go as you would have liked. I think it's normal to need time to go through the emotions over what did and didn't happen during labour.

My mums first birth didn't go at all as planned (she ended up sedated with a forceps delivery and episiotomy due to PE and only woke up 24hrs after my brother was born) and she said it was really hard for her to come to terms with, for years she felt like she had failed somehow.

Just remember that you did your best and that there is nothing wrong with adapting your plan when you need to. I don't think feeling sad about things not going right is selfish, just realistic. There is no doubt that birth can be traumatic and it's not good to bottle feelings up.

 

[aliss]

Wanna give you a big hug

My home birth ended in hospital transfer too but I don't feel the same way, perhaps because of my previous horrible hospital birth.

It's okay to mourn the experience you wanted to have. You did amazing

 

[duffers]

Big hug to you. As has been said before, totally natural to go through a feeling a bit sad stage. You're still processing the experience and reflecting upon it. In time, you'll come the see the beauty of what actually came to pass. You pushed your baby out yourself! You're an amazing powerful woman!

I think the elation of actually pushing my own baby out was what I found so incredible about birth no. 2. I didn't need forceps again! The 'at home' bit was lovely, but it didn't suddenly transform me into supermum, or a better wife, or a better person. I think sometimes we build home birth up so much that the 'location' becomes imperative. For me, planning a home birth aimed to give me the best chance if avoiding forceps, nothing else. Give yourself some time to reflect, be gentle with yourself x

 

[sweetthang24]

Thankyou everyone for your replies. You have made me put things into perspective. I especially like what duffers said about it not making you a better person,mum,wife.

My body is amazing and pushed my little man out instinctively regardless of the location. I think i will always mourn how it ended compared to what i wished for us.

Thankyou all again xx

 

[duffers]

This snippet of your adventure may not have worked out exactly as you planned but so many other things will. I frame much if my philosophy around Disney quotes at the moment (my 3 year old is very much into Disney princesses). So using an excerpt from the timeless classic 'tangled' ...

Rapunzel: I've been looking out of a window for eighteen years, dreaming about what I might feel like when those lights rise in the sky. What if it's not everything I dreamed it would be?
Flynn Rider: Well,that's the good part I guess. You get to go find a new dream.

Dream big x

 

[sweetthang24]

This snippet of your adventure may not have worked out exactly as you planned but so many other things will. I frame much if my philosophy around Disney quotes at the moment (my 3 year old is very much into Disney princesses). So using an excerpt from the timeless classic 'tangled' ...

Rapunzel: I've been looking out of a window for eighteen years, dreaming about what I might feel like when those lights rise in the sky. What if it's not everything I dreamed it would be?
Flynn Rider: Well,that's the good part I guess. You get to go find a new dream.

Dream big x

I love that you quote Disney lol its very me.

Frying pans, who knew right? Lol

 

[duffers]

Hehe I love that film!

Pm me if you ever want to chat. Our LOs are similar ages and would be lovely to have a post-bump buddy!