Feeling sad, no BF for 3 days

[emmalg]

I feel like a stereotypical woman who doesn't know what she wants today.

I posted the other week about wanting to wean DD from her bed time feeds, she is 22 months old and I am expecting another on her 2nd birthday.

I had no issues with the idea of tandem feeding and was trying to get through the pain of feeding whilst pregnant so I don't have to start over again for DS, but the feeds were still so much on her terms that it was making bed time really difficult. She wouldn't sleep for anyone else and it was causing chaos if I had to be away from home for work too. I decided that I needed to break the dependence on my boob for sleep before I end up in labour with this baby or my poor MIL will have the worst time ever whilst I'm in hospital.

We have gone 3 nights without BF at all, which is what I wanted really but I suddenly feel heartbroken!

 

[superfrizbee]

I'm going away over night with work soon so the other other night we tried giving DD warm cow's milk at bedtime to see if she would drink it (she has it in the afternoon sometimes). I was going to just feed her myself afterwards but she drank loads and wasn't botheres about having a BF so she just went to sleep without. I felt horrendous. I even posted on here about it, even though I should have been happy. Now she doen't have a bedtime feed anymore but I've started offering an extra feed in the day so I don't feel guilty about her not having it. She is younger than your LO though. Sorry for the pointless ramble, just wanted you to know I understand how you feel somewhat.

 

[emmalg]

Thanks so much! It means a lot to read that, I'm really tearful about it tonight. I never expected to feel this way about it.

When I started BF, I forced myself through 3 weeks of agony as I wouldn't be beaten but I still thought at 6 months I'd move onto solids and FF, I hadn't really thought about there being the option of continuing. But sterilising, etc, annoyed me and I carried on instead. We've gradually been dropping feeds but it's the only thing she would have when really ill so I think it kept her out of hospital once. I considered stopping when I wanted to start TTC, but finally after 10 months my period started again and I eventually got pregnant. By the time we got to one year it seemed silly to stop and I had just found out that it is recommended by WHO until 2 years or beyond. My nipples hurt so much during 2nd trimester that DD started being so gentle when I asked her but she still always wanted my milk.

I think the fact it was so easy to stop, all our bed time issues have been resolved and she just goes to sleep by her self, has made me feel like she really doesn't need me. I only had to give minimal encouragement. It seems so sudden even though it was usually the only feed of the day we did any more.

I feel really bereft, she doesn't seem resentful, gives me lots of cuddles, still wants mummy if she falls over. Maybe it's just my pregnancy hormones playing up but I can't stop crying. DH thinks I'm mad!

I'm wondering if I should get rid of my tracker. At what point do I declare her weaned?!

 

[optimistic1]

Awww these threads are so heart warming..in the beginning were so ready for bfing to be over but then towards the end were sobbing in bed at night because lo has suddenly stopped needing night feeds. Im not there yet and I still think ill be happy about stopping. I want to stop at 12 months so I can move on from being a SAHM and not have to pump.

Falling asleep without mommy is a HUGE milestone for her! Don't feel sad its a very special time for her and for you...you made it to 22 months! That's amazing...(right now at 3 mo) I couldn't imagine going on that long. You did wonderful be proud of yourself and enjoy your break before number 2 comes!

 

[seaweed eater]

Hugs mama mine is a lot younger but he stopped nursing a few weeks ago and I was heartbroken. I cried about it several times in the first few days. And I'm still pumping so I don't have the hormonal letdown as you probably do (on top of pregnancy hormones too!). It's just hard when you've had that relationship since birth to think about going on without it! Especially if you've fought through a lot to keep going. Even though I KNEW it was crazy, I found myself wondering whether LO would still love me as much!

Nothing can replace nursing but your daughter still loves and needs you soooo much. As time goes on you will realize that you have developed new ways of experiencing that sense of closeness and comfort that you had through nursing. And it's very thoughtful of you to help her develop independent sleep habits before the new baby comes. She is lucky to have a mother like you

 

[emmalg]

I'm just a hormonal wreck! You're all making me feel so much better but it still brings tears to my eyes to read your messages!

Optimistic, just take one day at a time, it'll seem like a long time otherwise but it rushes by! Also, I went back to work when DD was 10 months old, by then she was already only feeding first thing, after nursery and before sleeping, she did drop an after lunch feed but it didn't seem to matter to her. Should you get to that point and feel like you want to continue, it is easier to fit in than you might expect. That was another point I was anticipating weaning myself.

 

[superfrizbee]

I was teary too the first night and thinking of how she didn't need me in the same way anymore. Daft considering she still feeds, just not before bed! I try to think instead about the new way she needs me - when she falls over, when I'm teaching her something new (feeding the ducks, reading a book...) and it doesn't feel as raw. you've given LO a wonderful gift, the benefits of which will last a lifetime. even if this is the end of nursing, those benefits will stay with her forever and it's shaped her physically and emotionally. Well done mama x