feeling so confused dont know what to do

[LovemyBubx]

I need to get my feelings out I know all you ladies are lovely so hope I can hear some of your opinions.

We have a beautiful 4 year old DD. I've always wanted to give her a sibling but we had to wait. We eventually TTC but had a loss in April.

We have waited again to deal with our loss & also we didn't want another march baby.

For all my life I have always said I don't want a 6 year gap or more between my children (Just my own personal feelings, I wanted children close in age) time is running out on that.

Part of me is desperate for a baby but now I'm also wondering if we should have another at all.

DD is starting to get old enough to do more activities we can do as a family, bike riding, cinema, horse riding, she can go on bigger rides at theme parks etc.

I feel scared that a baby will hold us back from all of that or we will have to split up constantly. Also we would love to take DD abroad (would that be too hard with a baby/toddler in tow??)

I also want to change my job soon when DD goes to school I'll feel mean if I'm pregnant soon after starting.

Sorry if this is all a ramble I'm so torn

 

[MissN8]

Only you can decide but it sounds like your family is lovely right now and you sound content i suppose lots of people have a large age gap and it worked too.

 

[DooDah]

I imagine that it's a tough situation to be in but remember that you have lots of time to work it out

Even if within the next couple of years you don't feel ready, you could change your mind. Large age gaps aren't necessarily a difficult thing to work with. By the time your daughter is 10 for example, she would be grown up enough to help out with the baby and then the family could still do things together (I speak from experience, I was 18 when I my mum had my only sibling!)

Either way, whether you decide to have a baby soon or in the future or not at all, your lovely family will manage to make the situation work - heck, isn't that what we always have to do?!

Hope that you can find a solution to your worries soon

 

[Pearls18]

It's not a ramble they're all very fair concerns. DS1 was 3 when DS2 was born and it did feel like we were going backwards, all of a sudden it became difficult to leave the house, having to worry about nap times, meal times, exhausted from sleep again. It definitely feels like family life is on hold when you have a baby again. But saying that, we also feel complete, I feel like a whole family now, I think it'll only be another year or so when we're not so fretful about routine. I still take DS1 to rugby and swimming lessons, DS2 just sits and watches with me. I have no regrets and always knew I wanted DS1 to have a sibling, but all your concerns I could write for having a third, I can't decide and most of the things you list are what I'm worried about especially because I know I couldn't deal with two close together so it would have to be another gap of around 3 years so it would be going backwards again.

But that's just my story, I think you have to think about will you have regrets, what are issues in the short term and what are in the long term, I think it's one of those things you mostly have to decide with your gut, I wish I could give you an answer!

 

[LovemyBubx]

Thank you ladies xx marineWAG that's exactly what I'm scared of going backwards its taken us 4 years to get to this point do I want to start again??

But I'm glad to read your first child can still do rugby & you can make it work with #2

I'm starting to think maybe we will TTC for a while & if it doesn't happen we will enjoy life for a while xx

 

[spicyorange]

On the other hand don't feel like there's something "wrong" if you decide to stick at one, some people out there say is unfair selfish etc etc for kids not to have siblings. I'm an only child and its nonsense, I loved being the only one growing up, I made friends easily (had to really) and I don't think I'm particularly spoilt. There seems to be a lot of pressure to have more than one and I think I will have 2 but not because I there was a problem growing up some part of me likes the idea, I'm better at entertaining myself and being on my own than dh (who has a sister). So that's probably not helped but what ever you decide do what you want and things will turn out just fine!

 

[CaliDreaming]

I was an only child for almost 10 years and I loved it. Our family was perfect and lovely just us three and I did not feel deprived in the least. People always say that children "need" siblings and that is just BS. There is nothing like the closeness of a family of three. I loved it when I got a brother but if my parents had decided to stick with me that would have been fine too.

So I guess you are just going to have to do some soul searching to determine what you really want. Maybe it will become clearer after you TTC for a while but I think you should figure this out before you try because once the baby is on the way there's no turning back.