its now been four weeks since i lost my son at 20 weeks (no hb on scan). I just feel shattered. I used to come on here everyday at work on the second trimester board - its my first day back at work today and it feels like its hitting me all over again. flashbacks of the scanning room, flashbacks of how excited we were before the scan, flashbacks of my last 'pregnant' day at work when people kept feeling my belly etc. I feel like a complete failure - our baby was perfect and now hes buried its just not fair. i cant stand looking at pregnant women and then hate myself for feeling so jealous of them. i just feel like once a failure, always a failure im never gonna be a mammy. i have his room at home with a crib, moses basket, clothes, nappies and no baby - i ache for him. im sorry i just need to vent, i cant sleep, i cant eat and now im back at work putting on a fake happy face and wishing people would stop saying 'it was one of those things'. hang on if my heart stopped beating it wouldnt be 'one of those things' so when my baby dies why is it acceptable to say that aarrghghhh xx