Feeling under pressure

[hopeful4baby]

Apologizes, this is a bit of a long post!
Since I saw my fs last time, after my lap & dye test just before Xmas, I've been trying really hard to stay positive, not feeling sorry for myself, keep marching on with a goal in front of me, which I have been managing ok. Well, that's what I think. I haven't been here since very much as I wanted to forget about the whole thing entirely. But we all know it's impossible and I am back in need of support again.
I've got another appointment this coming Monday 2nd of March. In December I was told to go home and "relax" as there's no medical reason they could find. She was all smiles that I will return pregnant to her next. Well, I won't. I know the last month was out and this one may be too as DH had a hernia operation and is still recovering. But I can't help having this feeling of failure.
Mostly because the entire world around me is acting the way: Doctors told you are fine, just relax and it will happen, even DH sometimes. The way it makes me feel is that it's just all in my head and I am doing this to myself![/B] And we are back in a self-blame circle. I feel under such pressure. I find I need a little break from the world. I don't want to have anyone around me who reminds me of my "problem".
My mil for instance. Everytime I see her, she'll report on all neighbourhood who recently gave birth, who is pregnant. She knows about our situation. You think why does she feel the need to tell me all that. It's not like telling me, don't worry, they've been trying for a while and it worked out. It's just simple thoughtless gossip. Therefore I try to see her as little as possible. My sil is pregnant now, they have their own share of troubles, I'm thrilled for them, but I can't stand my mil fussing around them like we don't exist!
I feel like I'm under constant pressure, because the world goes on, I have to take the people the way they are. I can't hide. But I want to hide; I want to hide so badly. When we are on our own at the weekends and don't have to endure any this I feel ok. I feel so positive and happy purely concentrating on us.
I feel like I certainly have a right to give myself a break, even if I don't see my mil for 3 months so what?? (we used to see her every week or every other and I'm not stopping my husband to see her), or my friends. I'm sure if they are real friends they'll wait for us, they'll understand. It's hard enough to cope with myself, let alone others.
Thank you so much for listening! I already feel much better!
Babydust to all!!

 

[toby2]

sounds tough for you, i think doing what is right for you is the best thing you can do at the moment, am sure others will understand

 

[BigFoot1980]

I know exactly how you feel. I am sure everyone here understands. Its really hard to get away from it all. I am in the same situation as you i had a Lap & dye and no diagnosis as yet. My next appointment is in April.
My MIL always keeps asking " have u seen the doctor again?" I am so sick of it all, sometimes i just want to hide some where so i dont have to talk about it.

 

[Bexy]

Hey Hopeful

So sorry you are feeling so down about the whole situation, like Bigfoot says everyone here does understands at least some of where you're coming from - its just unfair that the rest of the world seems to go on without having these sort of struggles...

I had a really bad few months feeling pretty much like you and not wanting to know about any pregnancies/ births etc but for some reason I've started coming out of that dark place...at my worst DH told me about his friend getting his girlfriend pregnant after only knowing her a few months (turns out she had lost one already with him so probably even quicker) and me screaming that I wouldn't want to see their "b****** child - completely out of character and I've felt quite quilty about that comment (although I actually haven't seen the baby!)

I really think you need to take some time for yourself so that you can gather the strength to go on with this tough old journey - would hubby be ok with you not visiting MIL for a while?

Take care and big

 

[Bumber]

Hey Hun

so sorry to hear your feeling like this. Its all perfectly normal. I started feeling so bad this week and I have just been crying at work. How professional!

I do sometimes wish there was a magic wand you could buy to wave and be rid of the MIL. Mine has informed me on many occassions that she wont worry if we arent ever able to have kids as she has two WONDERFUL grandkids already. Nice. DH and I have been made to feel like outcasts because we dont have kids. Needless to say we dont talk to her about it anymore. Its hard though isnt it.

All just so flaming unfair....wishing you all lots of baby dust B x

 

[hopeful4baby]

Girls thanks a lot!!! It is always so nice when people take a minute, read through your post and respond to it as well. Bigfoot and Bumber - I don't what is wrong with those MIL! They had babies themselves, they should relate a bit! I was quite involved with her before, but it all turned into trying to "fix us" Just like you said Bigfoot, it turned into checking up on us all the time, telling me to try joga, do this do that...it got a bit too much. Bumber, that is just unbelievable!! Numerous time my MIL will be telling how she longed for children, longing only mother can get.. Hello, I'm standing right next to you! Can't see me?? - My sil is pregnant for the first time as well. She carries a gene where there is a high percentage her baby may be disabled, so in no way I am jealous of her. She has it pretty tough! It is going to be the first one in the family and MIL fusses, I can't stand it. I'm with you on this one Bumber. It's like we are no more a concern of hers, she's getting what she "longed for as only mother can" again elsewhere.
I had a good conversation with hubby last night and he agreed he won't push me again, because as you find out he only wants me to go on as normal, so he doesn't have to answer any question. So my dear, no more easy life for you. ) It's tough for both of us!

 

[Bumber]

Hey

If i could buy a gun for MIL's everywhere I would (joking) (ish). Glad your doing beter Hopeful and had a chat with hubby. It helps doesnt it. Take care xx

 

[caline]

 

[latestarter]

Welcome back, and I hope you feel better soon. This is a great place for support, especially when those IRL don't seem to get it.