Feeling very low and desperate for some advice...please help

[Baylea]

Hi Ladies,
Sorry if this drags on a bit. I really need your help.

Background:
My DH and I are just about to go on to our 21st month of ttc. We chart, bbt, clear blue monitor, use pre-seed, vits etc. At one year I went to my gp (i'm in the uk), and they reluctantly agreed to run tests, all of mine came back as fine. DH's SA looked fine apart from morphology, only 2%, but we were told that his numbers were so incredibly high, that it negated the low morphology (the lab had 4% as being their cut off). I asked a FS on another web-site and he agreed that all looked good.
I was referred for a lap and dye. This was cancelled as we got our BFP in feb, only to lose our much wanted LO with a miscarriage in April. The dr who was to do the lap and dye told us that as we had conceived there was no point in checking my tubes, which I can agree with.

The problem we face now is that we're in no-man's land. I thought after the BFP that if we were to miscarry at least I knew we could get pregnant. But now almost 4months later I don't feel that way anymore. I've come to realise that perhaps we wont ever see another BFP, or we may have multiple loses. As the medical profession have now said miscarriage=no problem, they have given me the impression that we would have to try for a further 24months after the lose; so 38months in total before they would help us any further. I feel desperate and so, so low. I had wanted a large family, though just one baby would be great, but my fear is that what if we have to try for a further 2years+ like this, before they will even begin looking further into any issue we may have, (I will soon turn 30 and will be almost 33 if we have to replay our last scenario twice more). My husband and I feel so alone, and there seems to be no path forward. I know the above are all 'ifs', and if we are incredibly lucky we may conceive again and all may be fine. However I think I need a cut off point where we can say; we've given it a decent shot on our own and now it's not unreasonable to take things further.

What I wondered is at what point did/would you decide to seek further help, testing, IVF etc, and how did any loses factor in to how long you left it? I am starting to think maybe by the end of next spring if we haven't been lucky?

Any advice and comments much appreciated.

Wishing all their BFPs soon x

 

[macca197831]

hi there, im not sure if I can offer any advice but didnt want to read and run.

We are at 2 years TTC and have never been pregnant, I am 34 and my husband is 39. We have gone from being diagnosed by the NHS as having male infertility factor to having unexplained infertility (due to an improvement in my husbands counts).

We are now saving to go private for treatment as we dont want to wait another year for the nhs to fund treatment. Like you we gave ourselves a cut off point, we said at the start of the year that if nothing had happened by Sept we would go private and so we have been saving since then and plan on starting treatment in Sept.

Im hoping we wont need it but this means we will still have an NHS shot to fall back on. Are you in a position to save some money for private treatment?

I had a lap & dye earlier this year and used my private healthcare for this as the NHS had a waiting list, is this even an option for you?

Sorry I cant be of more help!

 

[Baylea]

Hi Macca...thanks for replying x

Yes we've started saving for private treatment, unfortunately we don't have private healthcare with work. I guess I'm just curious as to what others would consider 'having given it a good shot'. I am aware that IVF isn't always an easy option and have a friend who had 2 failed IVF attempts who then went on to have a natural BFP, so I suppose I don't want to jump the gun and mess up a potentially successful natural BFP. (Know many others who have had babies thanks to IVF too) Like you said I just need a dead-line...and two more years seems too long for my little head to cope with

Goodness a private lap...bet that was rather pricey! Great your work healthcare covered it. I kind of agreed at first with dr that a lap to check if my tubes were clear wasn't needed after the positive test, but then I think...what if I have one blocked tube and I usually ovulate from that ovary, what if I have endo which is making conceiving harder, what if I have pcos and that's why we had a miscarriage ahhhhhhh......too many 'what ifs' in this ttc malarky! lol

You must be getting excited about next month. Good Luck huni. Fingers crossed for that BFP soon x

 

[macca197831]

If im honest I always seen IVF as my absolute plan B and never imagined I would actually have to go down that route. I always thought, if there is nothing wrong with us then there is no reason we cant conceive natuarally so lets just wait it out. Even when we set our cut off point as being Sept I still never imagined we wouldnt be pregnant by then, ive always had this wee bit of hope that it will happen naturally.


I had a small amount of endo removed at my laparoscopy but the Consultant reckoned it wasnt enough to cause infertility. I had a scan last week at the private clinic and they have identified a small polyp on the lining of my womb, they say it shouldnt cause infertility but im not taking any chances and im going to have it removed. I want to go into IVF knowing I am in the best shape I can be in.

But its like you say, how much can your head cope with? And that was my marker! I based my decision on IVF around how much more I could cope with emotionally, all the hopes and disappointments every month were getting too much for me! In the end I decided that I have had enough of trying and getting nowehere and wanted to move forward with IVF.

It sounds like you are doing a lot of fortune telling and thinking a lot about all the negative stuff that could happen. That will be putting a lot of stress on you! I have been doing accupuncture for 3 months and its been really good for my stress levels. It was also the reason my husband was able to improve his counts.

I would recommend trying it for 6 months, my accumpunture lady has had a lot of success with her patients. xxx

 

[mg1979]

Sorry I don't have any advice, but our cut off point is the end of this year. I'll be 33, and my DH will be 43 by the end of the year, and I feel we've already put so much emotional wear and tear on each of us that we have to move on after 3 years of trying. Below is my story:

I've been married to my husband for over 12 years and we started TTC about 3 years ago, after 2 years of no success, we started ruling out any problems. I had an HCG in November, no problems, & I ovulate every month very regularly. We were referred to urologist to check out my husband and found that he had low sperm count and low motility but good shape, so they referred us to fertility clinic for IUI. When we met with the doctor at the fertility clinic, we told him all of this (and he had all of our records) but still said we would be perfect candidates for IUI. He prescribed me Letrozole and the Ovidrel trigger shot and we did our 1st IUI on Saturday (8/4/12). I was so excited all the way there, but when the nurse got ready to do the IUI, she said my husband's count was too low and the motility was too low, so it would likely not be in our best interest to go through with IUI, we needed IVF. I was so upset because his motility was actually higher this weekend than it was previously and if it was too low on Saturday, why did they make us go through all of this in the 1st place. We went ahead and did it, but we had to sign some paperwork showing she went over the low numbers and the probability of it not working. So frustrated, as I know everyone in this group is!

 

[timeforababy]

hi

Didn't want to read and run. We've not been trying as long as some of the others on here but as I've been told by the NHS that I'm not getting anything, we're saving money for 6 months to go to a private clinic. Then we decide based on what the FS says.

I think that if you're really worrying and stressing, try and maybe find a private appointment? A quick chat with a specialist where you're in charge should calm you down. They aren't as much as I thought they would be (but we want to have the money to pay for treatment hence saving first!). But check you will be accepted back on the NHS if you go private, each PCT is different.

 

[ZekeyMylo2010]

Hi well I'll be honest my deadline keeps changing because I honestly don't know whether I can face ivf at the moment especially when there is not ment to be anything wrong, but 3 years later I'm still no where nearer.. I manage to get my doc to put me on clomid and that improved my progesterone level dramatically, which is amazing but I'm two months in and no nearer to my Bfp.. I've been trying this sperm meets egg plan.. another thing is I'm overweight and although my fertility specialist said she didn't think my weight was a problem, however my mom disagrees she believes that what the problem is.. So I decided that's it.. 2stone is coming off one way or another.. If no success after this month then it's back to doc, but I know he will say its IVF is next step, and we have to fund it !! Life sometimes just unfair..

 

[Baylea]

Hi Ladies,

Thanks all for taking time to reply

I was feeling so low yesterday. My hubby left for 3weeks on sunday night (he works away), and I was feeling very alone with our situation. It's soooo hard to watch all of my friends with their newborns (most of whom started ttc quite a while after us Anyway I feel a little better today. Still sad, but I do have some hope again. My cycles have been completely out of wack since the miscarriage and I was hopeful we'd fall into the 'once it's happened once it'll happen agian quickly' bracket. I guess not for us. I think I'm concerned mainly because it took 11 months for me to get a normal cycle after coming off birth control and now my cycles look like they did right after that. It feels like ttc is pointless the way it is just now, and it makes the loss feel so much harder.

Macca.....I'd be exactly the same, I'd want to go into it knowing I'd done everything to be in the best possible shape. It's amazing how determined us women are when it comes to babies isn't it. Before the lap I wasn't at all concerned about the op, but if it wasn't for a baby I'd have been so worried about being put under. Thanks for the acupuncture suggestion. I'd actually love to try it, and I think it'd really help my stress. Unfortunately I live a 5hour round trip from my nearest one, so at the mo it's not really an option. If I have to move south for further treatment I'll definately give it a go. Best of luck for you BFP soon hun x

Mg.....Sorry to hear about your experience of your first IUI. That's so frustrating that the dr said you guys were perfect candidates, and then the nurse said the opposite on the day. Makes you wonder sometimes if the dr is even taking the individual's info in!!! Hope you don't mind if I ask, what does IUI achieve that a natural try doesn't? I realise it's putting the sperm straight into the uterus, so I assume it minimises the amount of motility need for a sperm to get to egg? Will you try IVF next if no BFP this time?x

timeforababy....Thanks for the heads up about checking our PCT in regards to NHS/private funding. I think I've been reluctant to see a private clinic as I'm slightly concerned about having tests and fertility treatment based on a commercial company making money rather than it being what is genuinly best in our circumstances. Do you think this is true, or do you think they have so many patients that they really do advise what's best rather than what's better for them? Sorry if this view is naive, I've no direct experience with private FS, and just wondered if this might be the case. Also I'm worried about my AMH. I know that it relates to egg depletion, and isn't necessarily indicative of how likely you are to fall pregnant naturally, but I'd be so devastated if I found out it was low, and I don't need any more stress right now. Know burying your head in the sand isn't a good idea, but don't think I'd want to know until I undertook IVF, and I'd be way too tempted to say yes if I was offerred one.x

ZekeyMylo....Yeah life can be so cruel. Just want my baby so badly. That's great that your progesterone improved. Only two months into it, so you never know a few more tries and you may have your BFP. I read something recently written by a fertility specialist that said, you may suddenly do soemthing right that cures your infertility issues ie;preseed, better diet, etc, but that doesn't mean you'll necessarily fall pregnant immediately. 12months is considered a normal amount of time to try, it may take 12months for you to get your lucky emby once everything else is perfect. I realise that you prob can't take clomid for 12months, but it could easily still happen (I say after a rant about being 4months since my m/c, but deep down I know I shouldn't be worried yet, just disappointed). I tried SMEP too, have you tried the cough medicine yet? I also used preseed and although not the first month I used it, I did use both when we conceived. I know how you feel about the weight issue. I was well within the normal BMI, but in the last year I've creeped into the overweight status; ttc=comfort eating. I'm determined to lose the 1 1/2 stone I've put on. Where are you, if you don't mind me asking? I know that in the UK there is an optimum BMI for IVF, so I think weight definately plays a role in fertility. Good luck with the weight loss, and fingers crossed for that BFP soon x

Thanks again girls xxx

Any further thoughts from anyone on this would be much appreciated. Particularly if you've had a loss and have to factor that into how long you waited before seeking further treatment x

 

[timeforababy]

Personally, private healthcare will care more about you as you are paying them to provide you a service. I know the NHS has some great consultants (I work very closely with lots of them!) but they are expected to do too much. So an NHS appointment is like 20 mins with a consultant and they have to book appointments for that. Of course, the good ones over run and everyone is late because it takes longer than 20 mins to have your questions answered. A private consultant will book an appointment for 45 mins and make sure you understand all your options.

If nothing else, you can get an independent second opinion.

And private FS won't offer any extra tests until you ask for it, that's the nice thing about having someone know what you want is worth it to them. Most private clinics will have open evenings so you can pop in, have a chat, have a wander and meet them for 10-15 minutes to see what they are like. Those are free and it will give you the feeling of being in control and doing something about it.

I think mostly the worst thing about TTC is that you feel you lose control (esp with NHS!!).