Feeling very unwanted

[gracexxx]

i just wonder how you ladys seem to cope so well?
My LO is 4 and a half months old, and FOB decided to disappear when i was 7 months pregnant (he now has no contact, and acts as though she does not exist)
since having LO i moved back home with my mum and 2 brothers. My mum found it all too much and left to live with her partner over 4 weeks ago.

Since she left ive really sturggled, i dont get any help and i get so exhausted, and often feel very down about the situation im in. I love my LO very much but i really struggle, my mum felt like my lifeline and now shes gone i feel as if im really unwanted and sometimes i cant cope.

FOB didnt want me or our baby, and now my mum doesnt want us around. I know any new time parent struggles and doesnt find it easy and im not looking for pity, im just wondering how all you single mums seem to cope so well.

 

[whatwillbe]

Im sorry hun, im a single mother but have never been single with a baby, and it must be really hard.. i found it a struggle and me an my ex were together withmy babies, but you know what, you'll get through this because you have to and it will get easier as baby gets older, just to say aswell its not nice what your mom has done, just when you need her most, i am expecting a baby and fob will not be around to help, so im a bit worried as to how i'll cope, i hope things work out for you

 

[gracexxx]

Thankyou, i do feel some resentment towards my mum for what shes done, shes seen how much i struggle and how devastated i was when FOB walked out. It just makes me feel totally alone.
I have my good days and bad days, just lately ive been getting really down.
I know i will get through this just i feel very low alot of the time, and i dont want LO to pick up on my mood.
I hope everything works out for you and your LO x

 

[Dezireey]

I'm sorry your mother has done this to you, that's very wrong and even if she found things difficult perhaps she could have offered some help sometimes for you even if she left the house, thats badly done. Im not surprised you feel so low. Sometimes in life we get a raw deal, a horrendous year or two or fall on bad times or even have our life paths messed up ( husband, kids, White picket fence, nice job etc) but the only way to get through it all is to accept that this is a bad time and that you won't or refuse to let it get you down. I find strength from pushing aside all the pain and hurt I feel and just saying 'ok, so I feel awful, I'm full of anger but I refuse to let it change who I am and I refuse to keep thinking about that every day, day in day out, I have to move forward'. These little babies keep us very busy and yes it's a struggle but it won't be like this forever and for every time you are tired and LO has been screaming all day, smile and think about how much they love you and maybe next week you will get your first ever giggle when you are changing their nappy. You'll know at these precious changing moments that it's worth all the struggle. Life WILL get better if you let it.

hugs for you xx

 

[teal]

I'm so sorry you're feeling like that just now

I have no contact with my ex, I've not seen him in over three years.

To be honest at times I have no idea how I cope. I do because I have to

 

[gracexxx]

I guess its good to know im not the only one going through this, everyone else i know with babies has their partner around, it just makes me feel very alone and i wonder sometimes how things ended up this way. But you're both right i know it will get easier and things will get better, just at the moment things are very tough.

 

[george83]

I guess its good to know im not the only one going through this, everyone else i know with babies has their partner around, it just makes me feel very alone and i wonder sometimes how things ended up this way. But you're both right i know it will get easier and things will get better, just at the moment things are very tough.

i get so bitter thinking about other people and how they all seem to have the most perfects lives when i did nothing to deserve my situation - my husband started leaving me whilst i was in the early stages of pregnancy to be with another woman, i since found out she was his drug dealer but for the past 4 months he's come off drugs but has sunk into a horrible depression and has now walked out again. i sit for hours just questioning how something so wonderful can turn into such a horrible mess. Your certainly not alone and your right things will get easier, i loved my son being a newborn baby but he's just turned 1 now and nothing makes me happier after a rough day than one of his smiles or one of his cuddles.

 

[MissJayde]

I am very fortunate that although I came home with a baby on my own I did have the support of my parents. I am sorry you don't have a lot of support and it is hard. Have you looked around your area to see if there are any single parent groups? Even though I am at my parents house I do try to do everything myself and have made friends with some of other singles in the area - we take turns baby sitting etc for each other so we can all have some me time!

 

[Gunnhilde]

It was very hard at first, but now it is easier.

I was with my ex-boyfriend while I was pregnant and for several years afterwards which did make it easier. I decided not to have him in LO's life though. Now, I have an amazing man who I'm about to marry. Things will look up, but beware and make sure you always make wise decisions.

 

[gracexxx]

I do go to a single parents group once a week, but there arent many people that go, and the ones that do go are mainly parents of toddlers. The lady that runs it bought her little boy up from a newborn baby on her own though, so its good to be able to talk and have that in common with her, and know she understands how i feel.

 

[Dezireey]

Lots of women in history and over time have had to bring up babies alone. I was watching a programme the other night about 9/11 babies. It focused on all the babies who lost fathers ( and mothers in other cases) and also women who were pregnant and gave birth without their partners. they talked about how they coped and finding inner strength. The main thing was that despite the pain and being alone bringing up a child ( not all had family to help) they kept going and things got easier to deal with and they adjusted.That's what women do, we adjust oh and we also are the masters of multitasking! I'd like to see a man securely hold a baby in one hand with a mobile phone to the ear whilst also putting the washing in the machine! it's a single mum / mum at home alone super skill!