FINALLY pregnant...and just learned that lost a twin!

[crazel1]

So I'm 36 and have been trying to conceive for 6 years. After multiple failed IUIs and then IVF cycles (3 fresh, 2 frozen) - including 1 that ended in an ectopic pregnancy and the loss of a fallopian tube - my last FET FINALLY ended in a normal BFP... with twins! Everything had been progressing well. My bHCG was always high, my hormones always right on track. My US at 9 weeks showed 2 perfect beans with 2 perfectly strong heartbeats. Both beans were the same size and dated as expected. Despite spotting nearly every day in my first trimester and mild cramping off and on, I was finally starting to breath a sigh of relief. I was actually starting to believe that this pregnancy might, well, WORK.

Then yesterday at my 10 week US one of my beans had just stopped growing and no longer had a heart beat. I believe he/she measured 9.3 weeks. My RE said I was experiencing a vanishing twin, and she was actually shocked because normally there are warning signs (smaller sac, etc.) but I had none.

My remaining twin looks great, but I'm having a hard time staying positive. My other twin looked great too and then just died unexpectedly. I've been through so much heartache these last 6 years. I don't know how much more I can take. I know there are many, many success stories with normal births after a vanishing twin. How do I stay focused on my remaining twin though when all I want to do is mourn my loss. I'm starting to feel as if I was fooling myself to think that a pregnancy for me would actually work out.

I've never posted on a forum before. I'm just so depressed today, my husband is across the country for work, and I'm desperate for support. I haven't told anyone I'm pregnant yet because I'm not yet through my first trimester.

I guess I just wanted to vent and to see if anyone else is in a similar boat. My due date is in Nov.

 

[qe76]

At my 8 week u/s the doctor said to me- do twins run in your family- I was like no why !? Then he says well if that is a second one it's not alive... then I couldn't get them to do another scan on me before 20 weeks so at 14 weeks I did a private one- they dont tell you anything medical but at least you get a look and there was only one- I don't think there was ever two- but all those weeks I was so torn- kinda mourning but confused.. It was crazy-
I know it is not exactly what you are going through and I am so sorry for your loss but I just wanted to share.
Do you know if each baby had it's own placenta? I've read that is they shared one it was more complicated then if they each had their own. I wish I had some answers for you to ease your mind. My sister lost a baby when she was having twins and the other baby made it just fine and is now in his 20's! I know it is hard but hang in there! xx

 

[tryfor2]

Oh my dear, I'm sorry I didn't see this sooner. How awful! Honestly, I don't think there is any way to stay positive initially. You need to allow yourself some time to mourn the loss of your baby. That is to be expected. You would mourn the loss of a singleton, right? So how can this be any different? It's still the loss of a child. And it isn't as though your other child is ex utero and you have to worry about him/her and feel compelled to paste on a smile....

Just take as good care of yourself as you can--that's all you can do to "parent" at this stage--and giving yourself the time and space to grieve is part of that. The love and care and gratitude for your remaining child will come--as will the positivity--once you grieve this loss.

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this, not to mention your rocky road TTC. It's not fair. I wish you the best.