Hrtbroken16
New Member
- Joined
- Nov 18, 2018
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Hello all.
I am usually not a fan of message boards, but I am dying inside and feel the need to shout my pain out.I have been with my boyfriend for the last two and a half years. Sorry, I apologize in advance for the long post.
We had a bumpy ride last year, but decide to patch things up and stay together. Fast forward to this year. I lost my eldest brother in August 2018. It was a shock, but with the support of family members, I pushed through. About two months and an half later, around October, I realized I was "late", told my boyfriend, took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. I was excited, but terrified, because I was on the pill the whole time, so it came as a shock. His reaction was not what I expected. He basically told me I needed to have an abortion because he was not ready to be a father. (I'm 37 he is 47). After the initial shock, and confirming that I am indeed pregnant, we went through all the motions of how we were gonna adjust to having a baby, how to keep living life and save money etc etc.
Then he called his mom to tell her the news, and my world came crashing down. After he talked to her, his own demeanor changed and now he didn't want a baby anymore, he doesn't want to be with me, or marry me, let alone have a child with "someone like me". I was crushed. I told him I still wanted to have the baby, because I was already so far along (7 weeks) and I had grow attached to the child growing inside me. He was so upset and mad at me that he had his parents drive down from Chicago to bully me into having an abortion. It was the most stressful week of my life. I was crying everyday. His mother kept telling me that she would never accept a black grandkid, and that she'd rather be the end of her line and him not have any kids than to have a mixed child. But still I stood my ground and told them that since they felt that way, I'd move out and raise my child alone. So he basically broke up wit me, his mother was in my face all the time, telling me I was trying to trap him, I was a horrible person, and that in her culture they don't consider black people human beings. All the racist stuff u can think off. And yet I still held strong and told them I would not have an abortion.
After getting my first ultrasound at 8 weeks, I was crushed to learn that my baby had stopped growing at 6weeks and one day. I cried so much that day I felt like I too had died. I was so hurt and devastated, i didn't know what to do. I decided to keep hoping and went for a second ultrasound at 9 weeks, and my little angel was still at 6 weeks, no heartbeat. At that point, all i could think of is that God had abandoned me and conceded victory to people who hated me. I called my mom, and she told me all the stuff u really dont want to hear when u are going through this terrible loss, and then i told my boyfriend. He looked so relieved that it broke my heart all over again. Now I am still in the house until I move out, but they are in my face, celebrating, having a God time, drinking wine and being merry, while I went through my loss alone.
I finally went to planned parenthood to terminate the pregnancy. Came home took the pills and late night on the 16th of November, my little angel finally left my body. I feel empty, alone, I'm crying all the time, and they go about their lives as if I'm not even there. I wonder if he ever loved me, but now I know he didn't. I'm sad and angry about this horrible unfair loss I suffered, while he's happy as a clam, and his mother is in my face all the time asking me whe I'm leaving.
I'm sorry that I've been so long. I just need to vent a little. I have friends that call me and were there for me, but it's not the same as having the love and support of the father of yer child.
I plan on moving out and moving on by the end of the month, because it is unbearable to see him having a great time with his family while I'm grieving alone.
I also send out a big hug to all the mommies out there who had to say good bye to their little angels before even holding them, and those who held them for only a moment, before God called them back to Him.
You are loved. ❤
I am usually not a fan of message boards, but I am dying inside and feel the need to shout my pain out.I have been with my boyfriend for the last two and a half years. Sorry, I apologize in advance for the long post.
We had a bumpy ride last year, but decide to patch things up and stay together. Fast forward to this year. I lost my eldest brother in August 2018. It was a shock, but with the support of family members, I pushed through. About two months and an half later, around October, I realized I was "late", told my boyfriend, took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. I was excited, but terrified, because I was on the pill the whole time, so it came as a shock. His reaction was not what I expected. He basically told me I needed to have an abortion because he was not ready to be a father. (I'm 37 he is 47). After the initial shock, and confirming that I am indeed pregnant, we went through all the motions of how we were gonna adjust to having a baby, how to keep living life and save money etc etc.
Then he called his mom to tell her the news, and my world came crashing down. After he talked to her, his own demeanor changed and now he didn't want a baby anymore, he doesn't want to be with me, or marry me, let alone have a child with "someone like me". I was crushed. I told him I still wanted to have the baby, because I was already so far along (7 weeks) and I had grow attached to the child growing inside me. He was so upset and mad at me that he had his parents drive down from Chicago to bully me into having an abortion. It was the most stressful week of my life. I was crying everyday. His mother kept telling me that she would never accept a black grandkid, and that she'd rather be the end of her line and him not have any kids than to have a mixed child. But still I stood my ground and told them that since they felt that way, I'd move out and raise my child alone. So he basically broke up wit me, his mother was in my face all the time, telling me I was trying to trap him, I was a horrible person, and that in her culture they don't consider black people human beings. All the racist stuff u can think off. And yet I still held strong and told them I would not have an abortion.
After getting my first ultrasound at 8 weeks, I was crushed to learn that my baby had stopped growing at 6weeks and one day. I cried so much that day I felt like I too had died. I was so hurt and devastated, i didn't know what to do. I decided to keep hoping and went for a second ultrasound at 9 weeks, and my little angel was still at 6 weeks, no heartbeat. At that point, all i could think of is that God had abandoned me and conceded victory to people who hated me. I called my mom, and she told me all the stuff u really dont want to hear when u are going through this terrible loss, and then i told my boyfriend. He looked so relieved that it broke my heart all over again. Now I am still in the house until I move out, but they are in my face, celebrating, having a God time, drinking wine and being merry, while I went through my loss alone.
I finally went to planned parenthood to terminate the pregnancy. Came home took the pills and late night on the 16th of November, my little angel finally left my body. I feel empty, alone, I'm crying all the time, and they go about their lives as if I'm not even there. I wonder if he ever loved me, but now I know he didn't. I'm sad and angry about this horrible unfair loss I suffered, while he's happy as a clam, and his mother is in my face all the time asking me whe I'm leaving.
I'm sorry that I've been so long. I just need to vent a little. I have friends that call me and were there for me, but it's not the same as having the love and support of the father of yer child.
I plan on moving out and moving on by the end of the month, because it is unbearable to see him having a great time with his family while I'm grieving alone.
I also send out a big hug to all the mommies out there who had to say good bye to their little angels before even holding them, and those who held them for only a moment, before God called them back to Him.
You are loved. ❤
