First m/c of first baby - what to expect?

[JulesW]

I've read lots of your messages to each other already. I've never been on a forum before. I hope by posting this I'm not doing anything wrong or upsetting anyone.

I went for my 12 week scan on Tue and there was nothing there... the lady was embarassed and sent us away with just an envelope and that someone would call me in the morning, when I opened it, it said 'missed miscarriage' - I've spoken to one person from the hospital who would like me to go in early next Tues but apart from this I know nothing. I know that is was six weeks ago, before I even took a pregnancy test and that my body should have ended things naturally but for some reason it hasn't.
I know all of you hear have stories and sadness of your own and it's very rude to ask you to share but does anyone else here know what I should expect? I don't even really know how I'm supposed to feel as I know that people have terrible sadness every day and I know that I am no different.

To all those whose posts I have read, thank you for writing what happened to you and how you feel because this is the only place I have found any answers and people to talk to. Good luck and lots of love to all. xxx

 

[buffycat]

Jules....

i am so sorry to hear of your loss.....it is so sad to hear of others who go through through the pain that i had....

my mc was at 10 weeks, just before my scan. Everything was done naturally, but the heartache is still there.....

we're here for you and anyone else in this position.....and we know where you are right now......

pm me if you want to

luv & hugs

 

[x_Rainbow_x]

if ur body isnt letting go the hospital may eiva want to do a d&c or a medical managment.
i was ment to have a d&c but it didnt work that way they gave me a tablet to open my cervix and baby came away itself.
i wont lie to you its horrid emotional nd mentally and physically tiering. iv lost 4 and its got harder.
the dr may let you m/c at home. be prepaired for discomfort and some clots.

take time to grive for your baby
xxxxx

 

[NikiJJones]

Hi Jules,
Please don't feel that you are being rude, or doing anything wrong or upsetting anyone. We are all here for you, love!
I MCed my little one about 4 weeks ago. Mine was also discovered at a scan, but I then bled naturally about a week later. I've heard that jsut knowing that your little one is no longer can bring on the bleeding. Or some of the other girls on here have had D&Cs, so that may be the route your doctor suggests. If you need to talk about the natural MC, I can let you know about mine, and feel free to private message me if you don't feel comfortable discussing it on a forum.
Most importantly, I'm sending you lots of at this painful time. I have found that all the girls on here have given me so much strength to deal with my MC (I had never used an internet forum either before this). Cry when you need to cry and we will be here for you whenever you need us.
Thinking of you,
xxxx

 

[jen1604]

Jules,I am so sorry to hear of your loss.I have had 3 miscarriages myself but am now 39 weeks pregnant so don't give up.I know how hard for you this is and my sympathy is with you.Just wanted to say dont be scared of what will happen to you at the hospital/doctors.Normally medical professionals are brilliant in this situation and dont be afraid to ask them any questions you may have...xxx

 

[NickyT75]

So sorry to hear about your loss hun but as the other ladies have said you are more than welcome to come on here and say whatever you wish,
there are a lot of really lovely girls on here who will empathise with you as we all know how heartbreaking this time will be for you.

If you ever need to talk we are here hun xx

 

[Lazy Leo]

Hey there, welcome to the site, and so sorry it's in such rotten circumstances. You'll find the girls on here really helpful I'm sure.

First up, sorry to hear about your loss. Second, my sympathies that you had a person who obviously couldn't deal with the circumstances. It's disgraceful that you were sent away with an envelope and told someone will call you.

Now, you say you had a missed m/c at 12 weeks but that it happened 6 weeks ago. So did you lose your baby at 6 weeks but it has only been identified now? Similar things have happened to lots of the girls here, and the first they know something is wrong is at their scan. In a way I've been lucky, I got bleeding to flag something was going wrong. But like you, this is my first pregnancy and my first m/c and I didn't have a clue what to expect. NHS haven't been overly compassionate or understanding with me and it's taken 10 days for anyone to tell me anything concrete.

Your message suggests that you think you should have dealt with it and hasn't - unfortunately our bodies are extremely complicated and don't always work as expected. One thing I found extraordinary is that first pregnancies have a higher incidence of m/c because the fetus is 'foreign' and the body rejects it. But then it's more used to pregnancy a second time and becomes more immune to it. It doesn't make sense that a mother 'rejects' her baby, but very little about m/c makes much sense to me if I'm honest

 

[JulesW]

Firstly, thank you all of you who took the time to reply to me, that is SO kind and helped so much to read about others this has happened to. I feel terrible for your losses too but to see so many of you helping each other it's also comforting to know that I am not "the only one".
To those of you who have offered to tell me about your experiences in more detail - I would actually really like to hear more. My biggest fear is that I have no answers, I don't know what to expect and the people that have been most helpful to me and given me most strength are people (even strangers!) who have been through it and therefore understand the complex emotions and utter confusion.
I think in answer to one lady, I genuinely DO feel like I should 'be OK', I still have no physical symptoms and I feel like I 'knew' it was going to happen. My partner, who is LOVELY, is also a very rational man and rather upbeat "well Jules, I know of many women who have been ok the next time and we can try again etc" and he means so well, is trying to 'carry on' and 'get back to normal' and part of me feels he's right - the other bit of course, feels plain 'weird and confused'. Because - in answer to another question - I went for the 12 week scan and they (finally spoke to the emergency gynae people am seeing on Tues) said that there was a fetus of 4.3mm indicating it was lost at between 5 and 6 weeks.
For some reason I just knew that I would see that scan and (just like I saw) there would be nothing there. In some way I think I feel as if well, of course that would happen to me.
I think my questions are:
1. Is it likely that now it will happen again because my body's 'used' to expelling it?
2. Is the fact that I felt so unbelievably wretched for the last 3 months a sign that all was not well? (very depressed, even though it was planned, panicky and worried, ill and tired to the point of being unable to function)
3. Is it 'normal' for my body to have carried on 'pretending' for as long as six weeks (I keep expecting to see something naturally as I was told on Tue and it's now Fri, but nothing, no pain and physically I feel better than I have in months - something else I feel guilty about)
THANK YOU ALL for replying, it has made me feel like I am not alone and that my confusion and strange emotions are to be expected. xxxxx

 

[x_Rainbow_x]

my baby died at 7 weeks i was 10 weeks pregnant when i found out i was told i could have gone to my 14 weeks scan before i found out anything was rong.
itl happen again to me because there is something wrong with eiva me or husband.
they its normal for a woman 2 experiance 2 m/c without it being looked into. just because it happened once doesnt mean itl happen again. some people just aint so lucky... like me lol.

its hard but itl get easier.

my moto- if it doesnt kill you it makes you stronger

 

[Omi]

Hiya Jules,

so sorry you're going through this !

I had a missed mc diagnosed on 15th feb. I was told to come back a week later to be re-scanned just in case..although i knew right away when they said there's no heartbeat and that the baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks. I was 10 weeks at the time. It was very shocking and obviously upsetting.

I had friend who'd gone through a mc herself (well, she's oh's friend's fiance) and she called and gave me a total rundown which helped a lot. She advised me to go for the d&c as she said her medical managment was terrible to go through.

I found out on a friday but ended up calling the epau on tuesday to ask for the d&c cause i just couldnt stand waiting for the inevitable, and also i didnt like feeling i was carrying this dead baby inside me After checking they called me back and i was booked in after the ultrasound. Thursday i started spotting and feeling unwell.. i knew the mc was starting. I woke up 2.30 am and had contractions every 3 min for the next 4 hours..and slightly further apart after that. Bleeding as well. I was in excrutiating pain- and i think i can honestly say i will NEVER have a natural birth

I was treated very nicely by the staff and explained everything in detail. Once in the operating room i was given the anesthesia and thats the last i remember. I came out feeling almost brand new. Pain gone- what a relief!!! I was looked over by the midwife again and told i could ttc right away. She was lovely gave us both a hug, said she'd been there herself and that she hoped to see us on the labour ward next!

I had a sore tummy the next day and blead for 4-5 days. My af came 3 days later than normal. I feel totally fine now..it was a terrible thing to go through and i do feel cheated..but we are ttc again and hopeful it will be ok next time, as that is the norm

Personally i think the time i mc and many girls mc at is very telling as it's the average..normally due to chromosomal problems, but i also think it might be something to what Nic said. Its terrible that it happens but it is normal and most of us go on to have have healthy babies after.

As difficult as it is, you will get through this..this place was a godsend as well. Please take good care of yourself and do whatever you feel like- anything at all. there is no wrong or right and some tlc goes a long way. There is nothing you did that would have made this happen, so please dont second guess yourself..as others have said, its just bad luck and no reason it should happen again. Many women in my and oh's family had the same thing happen. First pg mc and went on to have healthy pg's after that. Im sure it will be the same with you, sweetie!

Sorry for having written an essay, and feel free to pm me if you wanna talk or have any questions..

, Omi xxx

 

[JulesW]

NO - essay is GOOD... those of you who have been kind enough to share experiences where you've noticed similarities have been an absolute godsend. I'd never heard of a missed miscarriage before, let alone all the other complications and procedures that go along with it and I've really managed to get the most information and support from you guys.
I found out Tue of this week and since then have had ONE phonecall with the people booking me in for a follow up ultrasound to "make sure" of course, like you say - I know it's over, I think I've known something wasn't right from the very beginning.
It's good to hear
Some people have recommended that they think it's good things "take its natural course" others have said for god's sake have the D&C - what do you and others think? I'm guessing nothing will happen naturally if it hasn't after what will now be a 7 week wait but I hear conflicting messages.
One thing that has been worrying me was that I was on a Progesterone Only Pill POP called Cerazette. Now, this basically stops your periods. I came off it on 30th March (first day of last period) and then did those testing strips to see if you ovulate, I did them for DAYS, nothing. Then, two weeks after my period WOULD have been (although I was told it can take literally months to have another period after Cerazette, this is did NOT know before) I took a test and were positive. But felt odd and 'something's not quite right' about it ever since. My oh thinks it was the pill - I mean, if I had mc naturally at the time the pregnancy ended then I simply would have known nothing and carried on... so ironic.
Thanks for your advice and sharing your experience, it has really helped for me to know what might happen
What would you recommend, waiting or D&C? xxxx

 

[Omi]

Well, you know my story Jules..i think i would have died had i not had it done (as a matter of speech of course).. i was in so much pain and passing big clots..absolutely horrible!! And may i add i have a very high pain threshold!! Also, my friend took the medication to start it and passed it at home and she had it like me- she regretted it and said she'd have gone for the d&c had she known..

I dont tell you this to scare you..many girls on here report it quite diffirently to how i experienced it. More like a really bad period. However, i dont know if its different if its a missed mc as opposed to mc in real time, if you know what i mean?.....

I think the moral of the story is you wont know how its gonna be, the mc that is, until you have it. So in the end, you have to decide what it right for you. I can only tell you my story, and that it was right for me. It really helped me and was a godsend!

Whatever you decide, id say it wholly depends on what you want and what you think you can handle. To me it was a relief knowing i could move on.

Just go with what feels right, hun!

, Omi xxx

 

[Doodles]

Hi Jules, you sound like you are coping very well at the moment, but from experience I know how hard it is. I think its a great idea to arm yourself with as much knowledge as to what may happen now, makes things seem a lot less scary.
I have had 2 m/c and am now 32 weeks pregnant, so stay positive and when the time is right things will go your way.
With my first m/c I went to the EPU where they did a scan and saw baby was measuring 6 weeks and no heartbeat, but I should have been 11 weeks. I was sent home as they have to allow some time just in case your dates are wrong. Well those were 2 awful weeks, I didn't know how to feel, angry, upset, greif, hopeless, guilty. I tried to stay strong for my OH, but sometimes a really good cry is the best medicine. I knew when I had the second scan that it was going to be bad news and the m/c was confirmed.
I was offered lots of leaflets, some contact numbers and councelling. I was also given a choice on how to progress. Wait and hopefuly my body will eventually pass everything naturally, have a pessary to open the cevix and go home and pass everything naturally or have a d&c.
I chose to have a d&c as soon as possible and they kept me in hospital right after the scan and did the op the next day. It was a very quick procedure, I was a little uncomfortable afterwards but not in pain. For me I felt almost like this was wiping the slate clean.
I took 2 weeks off work to give myself time to heal physically and emotionally.

 

[Barneyboo]

Hi Jules,

Firstly just want to say so sorry for your loss .
I had a missed m/c and I had a medical management, god forbid I ever go through that again as it was really painful and just a horrible experience I would opt for a D/C if I had known what I know now!
I have also had problems with my periods since then I used to be very regular and now range from anything between 28-41 days or sometimes just miss them altoghther.

Everyday is a new day and there will be times when you feel low again just know that we are all here for you whenever you need someone to talk to or just give you .
x x x x x

 

[NikiJJones]

Hi Jules,
Hope you are doing OK today.
Thinking of you.
xxxx

 

[Litol_x_Me]

sorry too hear this =[[

 

[Logiebear]

I am really sorry for your loss hun and big for this. I went for a scan and was told to come back 2 weeks later as they couldn't see the bean properly. I went back a week later as I had started bleeding slightly, they told me I had a missed miscarriage. I went home and waited for it to start naturally and 2 weeks went by. They were the worst 2 weeks of my life, sitting around waiting for it to start and it didn't I went back to the hospital and they recommended an ERPC (d&c) which I took after having had enough of the waiting. The problem is that the longer you wait the greater the risk of infection and the heavier your bleed could be. My friend waitied and hers took 3 weeks, when it started she nearly died from the blood loss. It can get very graphic and messy and emotionally turbulent so in the end I am glad I had the ERPC and it was over.

In heinseight I would have picked the ERPC straight away had I known what I would feel like, it was awful. And my friend who bled really badly said the same.

The choice is yours hun and you need to be aware that it is your choice and you need to decide what is best for you. It was awful of the scan girl to just send you away like that as she should have told you xxx

 

[Freya]

HI there,

Just wanted to share my own story so that there is someone else you cn talk to if you feel like it. It sounds like the medical staff where you are aren't keeping you informed or rushing to advise you what to do next!!!!

I had a missed m/c too. Had the tiniest spot of brown blood one day, freaked out and went straight to A and E. I refused to stay in overnight just to be scanned the next day (I had no idea they suspected anything was really wrong - I wish they would have said). So, I got a scan 4 days later. Sadly no heartbeat detected and although I should have been 10 wks along, bub only measured 6 wks.

IMMEDIATELY shown to a private room (whichi was good as I was a crying mess)and a doctor came and explained I had a missed m/c and what it was all about. He explained that as I hadn't m/c naturally it was unlikely that I was going to do so in the short term and recommended D and C. He explained that medical management was possible but that it was likely to be difficult and I ran the risk of needing a D and C anyway in case any part of the pregnancy remained.

Doc was great, as it was a Friday he offered to book me in there and then or to wait until Monday so I had time to adjust and accept the news. By Sunday I was ready.

Procedure was fine, no complications, back home within a few hours. Took 2 weeks off work, mainly to sort my head out! AF returned in 6 weeks. Oddly, my peiods were lighter from that point on, almost like the D and C gave me a 'good clear out'. I worried at 1st that this meant I wouldn't concieve...... but when the time was right I did.

Keep asking all the questions you need to get those answers you're missing. Hope this helps xxx

 

[JulesW]

THANK YOU to all of you who have taken the time and the trouble to post your experiences. As I said before, I think the thing that has absolutely helped the most has been hearing about those of you who have been through the same thing. It makes me feel like I'm not a medical anomaly.
Seriously, the ONLY information I have had about any of this has been from all you lovely people who have understood how important answers are at a time like this when there seems to be no other support.
I've found that friends and family just "don't know what to say" which I can totally understand and that's why I am SO grateful to you guys for sharing, because I have found that only someone who has been through this themselves can truly help, as you have some answers and the same feelings.
One thing I am really concerned about is that I seem "fine", my partner has accepted things very quickly, said all the right things, but doesn't really want to dwell on talking about it etc. I've had 3 days off work but feel tomorrow I will go back because I feel guilty about not being there (teacher and last two weeks of term before the summer hols) and I somehow just don't know how to feel! When people call, I sound fine and upbeat because I think that's what they want and then feel guilty about not being at work or being at home all day because they might think I'm just skiving off! I think I have somehow fooled myself also... has anyone else found this? I see that many of you have taken several weeks off work and I feel that would definitely be appropriate. I think because I feel so obliged to be 'fine' I also feel now guilty that I'm not giving myself enough time. Has anyone else experienced that?
THANK YOU SO MUCH to those who've shared their stories and sent their love, you have no idea how appreciated it is! I feel so badly for your loss too but at the same time, for those whose experiences have been rather similar to mine, your stories have been invaluable. xxxxxx

 

[x_Rainbow_x]

hunni when i found out i was m/c last week i was upset then felt fine i couldnt understand why i felt so fine about it even when id passed the baby i felt fine untill i got home and had a bath i used 2 shake my boobs *sorry tmi* coz i new theyd hurt but they didnt n it hit me like a brick house.. it may come to you later hun.