First m/c of first baby - what to expect?

[NikiJJones]

THANK YOU to all of you who have taken the time and the trouble to post your experiences. As I said before, I think the thing that has absolutely helped the most has been hearing about those of you who have been through the same thing. It makes me feel like I'm not a medical anomaly.
Seriously, the ONLY information I have had about any of this has been from all you lovely people who have understood how important answers are at a time like this when there seems to be no other support.
I've found that friends and family just "don't know what to say" which I can totally understand and that's why I am SO grateful to you guys for sharing, because I have found that only someone who has been through this themselves can truly help, as you have some answers and the same feelings.
One thing I am really concerned about is that I seem "fine", my partner has accepted things very quickly, said all the right things, but doesn't really want to dwell on talking about it etc. I've had 3 days off work but feel tomorrow I will go back because I feel guilty about not being there (teacher and last two weeks of term before the summer hols) and I somehow just don't know how to feel! When people call, I sound fine and upbeat because I think that's what they want and then feel guilty about not being at work or being at home all day because they might think I'm just skiving off! I think I have somehow fooled myself also... has anyone else found this? I see that many of you have taken several weeks off work and I feel that would definitely be appropriate. I think because I feel so obliged to be 'fine' I also feel now guilty that I'm not giving myself enough time. Has anyone else experienced that?
THANK YOU SO MUCH to those who've shared their stories and sent their love, you have no idea how appreciated it is! I feel so badly for your loss too but at the same time, for those whose experiences have been rather similar to mine, your stories have been invaluable. xxxxxx

There were times when I also felt "fine", but then times when I broke down and sobbed. Being a teacher I also felt so guilty about being away from school, especially at this time of year. I was so worried everyone would think I was skiving and taking time off to write my reports etc. I was similar to you: when friends rang I usually managed to hold it together and chat normally, and then I wondered if they would just think I was OK to get back to work. In the end it was my doctor and my head teacher that both insisted I had a decent amount of time off. (I MCed start of half term hols, and then had 3 more weeks of school off in the end). For the first week I felt like an awful fraud, but now looking back I am so glad I took all the time off. My body was physically so worn out, on top of the emotional hurt, and the time off has really helped.
having said all this, I know that some people cope better with grief if they get straight back to work, and maybe you are one of these, but if you are at all unsure, do take doctors advice. No-one on my staff, and none of the parents have thought I was taking the micky, so don't worry at all about what others think.

xxxx

 

[liamnsean]

I am sorry for your loss. I wish I could be of help, but do not have experience in this sort of thing.

 

[cherylanne]

Hi Jules
I had a M/C just over 2 weeks ago at 9 weeks.
Woke in the night with heavy bleeding but no pain and went to the hospital in the morning. Had an internal scan as i hadn't a full enough bladder. Saw bean and heart beat everything looked great so we were told it was a "threatened M/C" but all was well and they'd see me for my 12 week scan. About 4 hours later i could hardly breath because of the pain and i passed everthing at home.

It was the worst experience of my life and i would say to you to have a d&c and get it all over with if your comfortable having one. I don't think any woman should go through passing it at home.

My heart goes out to each and everyone of you strong ladies on here, i think your all amazing to have gone through what you have and to come out the other side strong and able to advise others of your experiences.

Thinking of you Jules and hoping you make the right choice for you

Cherylanne xxx