fob has moved on . . .

[jaytee146]

and the only thing i care about is meeting the woman who will be spending time with my child. is it pety of me to want to see who she'll be spending weekends with i know fob and i know he's the showboating type he'd wanna come get lo not only when he has the opportunity to show off lo to his family and how much he and who ever this is match well together! again none of my concern all i care about is who lo is around! my mom asked is he a good father? she also said it's never a parent's intention to see their lo in harms way or hurt him. she said i have to start trusting and i need to start with her father! i logically understand what she's saying but tell that to my heart, i just don't trust him based on all i've gone through an his lies and i'm not sure if this is the abused child in me talking. or if i really have some validate concerns. please help ladies. I have started counseling to work on the trust issues i have but right now i'm just not sure Guy's

 

[Danie1stbaby]

Hugs~Just know,things will get easier to deal with.It will always bother you that you two could not work it out,especially when you look at your baby,but with time you learn how to get over it.It really takes time and I use to hate to hear people tell me that,but it's true.I am not fully over the fact that my fob is a jerk off.

Nothing wrong with you wanting to meet his new gf.You are a mother and even a lioness in the wild would not allow anyone outside of the circle around her cub.If he is just now moved on,I personally wouldn't allow any other female around my young child.If she is just some random and isn't longterm,what's the point of her meeting your child? I would try to continue counseling and working on yourself,so that dad can come around to spend time with his child.I'm not to that point yet and in my situation,my daughter is better off without him imo.yet if he is trying to be a full time dad in your child's life and you believe he will not abandon her,then see where your relationship as parents can go.It seems a bit too much to include some random girlfriend.

Hugs again to you and remember you are not alone,most of us are going through a similar situation

 

[Jennifurball]

Even when I start dating, I have to know it is going somewhere before they are in Scarlett's life. If FOB ever comes back and thinks he can introduce his random slappers to her, he can forget it. The thought of him taking my girl to the park with another woman, looking like a family, kills me. She is my baby and won't be spending time with any other woman until she is old enough to understand the other woman would be nothing to her.

 

[Dezireey]

Some may disagree with me and I think this works both ways when the mum meets someone new but I just think LO's should not be introduced ( if possible) or get to know a new partner unless it's serious and they are living together, engaged etc. I just think it's confusing enough for a child to have it's parents apart without bringing someone else in and then possibly ( as is often the case) this person then just disappears because the relationship didn't work out. You could explain this to FOB if this is how you feel? It's like a compromise, yes LO can get to know your new partner but only when and if the two of you get serious, I don't want to confuse my child.

 

[jaytee146]

Dez, I wish he were intelligent and rational to understand why I don't want lo around some fly by night girl, but he won't nor does he try to understand my logic. I've told fob that when I'm ready to start dating, if it's serious. I would love for that gentleman to meet fob as this man will be around our child and i'd expect nothing but the same. I just fear he's dating this girl and will let my lo stay with her, or when he's suppose to be spending time with lo he just drops her off with his cousins or brothers... there is a history of sexual abuse in my family by other family members and I can't wrap my mind around lo being with anyone but him.... and I don't really trust him, to be honest as he has a house that I'm not allow to go to or know about but you'll take our child. You have a girl friend who will be around my child but I'm not allowed to talk to her or meet her. I view this a another way of him wanting control over my life and he knows the only way he can truly bother me is through my baby girl.

I'm already starting the paper trail on him now to prove he is unstable emotionally to be around lo without it being unsupervised or without me present until lo is walking and fully talking with the ability to comprehend right from wrong.

 

[whatwillbe]

I think it depends on how long fob has been seeing his new gf , is it serious or not ? Iwould be the same , it's your lo and you have a right to know who' spending time around him, if it's been quite a while and they are serious about each other then eventually that other person will most probably be spending time with your lo, but if it's something new , I wouldn't want them around my lo, I would tell him you want to meet her first, you have a right Hun

 

[whatwillbe]

Sorry I thought it was a son you had by him, just re read and seen you have a daughter by him, just to say again, if your not happy with the situation, you are her main carer , tell him you don't want your lo around his new gf , full stop, he should be spending quality time with lo and I can't see how having his gf there would help that tp happen x

 

[jaytee146]

thanks for the responses ladies and i Just had to make sure I was making a validate point! I know sometimes I'm a little clouded with emotions