Fob = sob!

[DreaminOfBaby]

So I had a delema a bit back about whether or now to even tell FOB about my pregnancy. His comments before I got pregnant was "I don't want kids" and "I'm not ready to be a father yet" he even said that if he couldn't marry and have kids with his ex then he didn't want any at all.

So I told him and the first thing I got was "Terminate it! Terminate it!" I basically got told I could do one of three things: 1) Abort 2) Move back to Cali, marry him, move in with his family and cut of all contact with MY family or 3) He takes me to court and takes my baby away.

I cried for TWO hours! He even told me at one point "I'll get a plane and come out there right now and there will be hell to pay" I am now scared to death. I even took out a PPO on him. (Personal Protection Order). Now I regret telling him. I knew I had to but I was scared of shit like this.

He shouldn't be able to take my baby away from me, it would be rediculous for the judge to just say ok you can take the baby all the way back to Cali. I have a roof over my head, health care, food in the house. I'm NOT on drugs or doing anything harmful to the baby so it's not like I'm an unfit mother but I'm still scared.

He even said that he refuses to do joint custody, that's ok it'll only look bad on him. As far as I'm concerned he's insane to think that he's going to take my kid away. He was calling me but he's stopped. It's a good thing but then again it makes me worried about what he can be plotting. His first call he told me "that wasn't agressive that was reality" then after I hung up on him he called back and left a message apologizing sounding real sad and sorry and he admited he was agressive. He was back peddling and I think it's because he knows he was wrong and screwed up.

The PPO makes it so that he can't contact me in anyway for a year but having the kid in common creates conflict. Atleast now he can't contact me until after I have the baby. I really wanted to work something out so that he could have contact with the baby but now I'm scared he'll take off with him/her! Anyways, I just needed to vent. I've been so stressed out and it's the last thing I even need!!

 

[scottishgal89]

big
i know its hard but try not to worry- he cant take your baby away from you, you have done nothing wrong and your lo's mummy.
i have been in a similar threatening and aggressive relationship and your lucky you arent together anymore.
he can take you to court all he wants (im waiting on my court order just now) but at the end of the day unless there's something wrong with your parenting skills which im sure there wont be- theres no way he'd get full custody. thats just ridiculous. why would he want it if he doesnt want to be a dad?
try not to let him get to you hun. 'men' are just horrible and hes just trying to scare u
i would advise to keep a note of everything thats happened and things hes said- the threatening and wanting to terminate etc so that if it comes to court you can show what hes like.
this is a long way off though, just try to enjoy your pregnancy and concentrate on you and your little one.
as for you moving with him and cutting off your family- blood runs thicker than water! whats he all about? you need your family- let them help you. and why the hell would u want to move in with someone who has treated you and spoke to you like that
chin up! they all pull stunts like this. mine did all threw pregnancy to the point im surprised i didnt have a miscarriage to be honest. my wee one is now nearly 5months and i have stopped his contact with her completely
i really hope this works out for you!
xxxxx

 

[scottishgal89]

p.s- to be honest if he was my ex and hadnt spoken to me for a year im actually convinced he would have got bored and gone away and forgoten about us.
you might be lucky and this will come true

 

[DreaminOfBaby]

Aww thanks so much for your kind response. I try not to worry and stress b/c I'm afraid of losing my baby. I am hoping he's given up since I haven't heard from him. I don't know why he can't be civil and adult like and come to an agreement for the sake of the child. I just moved in with a friend (and a resident he does NOT know) and am feeling much more relaxed, hopefully the rest of my pregnancy goes well. I'm trying to keep positive!

 

[bky]

From my experience in the US it's fairly unusual for the father to be granted full custody. I only ever met one person and that was because the mother was violent and actually ended up in a mental institution (this was also in CA). So don't worry! I'd also urge you to document any communication he has with you and your PPO for if he does try for custody.
In addition child support and visitation are not necessarily linked, but you'll have to check with a family lawyer if it comes to that.

 

[lushious09]

hes just doing what most men do... freaking out, cares more about what other people will think of his reputation and the fact it wasnt done the old fashioned way, well in my opinion if men are so up for things been done properly then why the hell do they cheat and lie and have affairs...idiots... he cant take your baby away, if anything his behaviour is just going to end up working against him. You dont need him if thats his attitude any man that gives you an altermatum regarding your baby, should be out the picture in a second! hope all works out for u hun x

 

[DreaminOfBaby]

Thanks everyone I feel a little better. Hopefully everything ends up working out for the best. It's just a frustrating and stressful situation. I wish men weren't so damn stupid!