focus? especially boys

[OmarsMum]

I need some input about focus especially in boys.

Omar has amazing attention span since he was younger, he can grasp any information and new things easily, but he is selective when it comes to focus.

He goes to piano classes, he can read and write some basic notes, he knows all the keys, but during class and practive he gets distracted or he intentionally distracts himself from the task on hand.

I didnt want hi to go back to piano classes after the break, but todah he asked to go to class, so we scheduled a lesson and paid.

Duirng the class he was cold, then hot, then he wanted water, then he started to lokk outside the window

I wasn't with him, but his tutor always have the same complains about him, he does not listen, he will either play his way or get distracted. His finger movement is good and it is developing well for his age, she feels bad as he doesnt cooperate yet he still wants to go

He has the same attitude at home, if I try to give him some writing practice (advised by school) he complains, if I try to correct his way of writing he gets angry and starts to talk about unrelated stuff or he tries to "teach" me using his own way!

We are not allowed to correct anything he does, if we do he gets angry!

At school he is very cooperative, he is too quiet and does not complain about the tasks they give him. He finishes his tasks on time and he likes to show off but he doesnt have the same attitude at home

He is a bit controlling and he is a perfectionist

I feel lost

 

[emyandpotato]

Four is extremely young for piano lessons unless they're very excited and interested in learning. Do you have a piano at home? Maybe just let him experiment alone for a while and try lessons again at about 6.

 

[Neko]

I think it's not unusual in boys. My son is brilliant, was reading, doing match etc at three. He spent years having the attention span of a flea. If you tried to keep him at a task for too long he would balk unless it was something he was super interested in. Homework has always been an issue. After hours of behaving and working hard at school they just seem done with the whole thing when at home. They only seem to have so many hours of good behavior a day.

IMO, only chldren are really good at manipulating adults. Since they don't spend hours a day competing with another child, they are very in tune to adults. I had that problem with my son for years. He wasn't so good with other children but he had adults jumping through hoops doing what he wanted. (My DS was an only for over 11 years)

 

[OmarsMum]

Four is extremely young for piano lessons unless they're very excited and interested in learning. Do you have a piano at home? Maybe just let him experiment alone for a while and try lessons again at about 6.

He asked for classes and he's been going for a year now, we have a keyboard at home and he "plays" but he doesn't refer to the notes. He doesn't want to quit, he asked for a break during the holidays, but today as he went back to school he also asked for the piano classes.

I wanted him to take a break until summer but he refused

 

[OmarsMum]

I think it's not unusual in boys. My son is brilliant, was reading, doing match etc at three. He spent years having the attention span of a flea. If you tried to keep him at a task for too long he would balk unless it was something he was super interested in. Homework has always been an issue. After hours of behaving and working hard at school they just seem done with the whole thing when at home. They only seem to have so many hours of good behavior a day.

IMO, only chldren are really good at manipulating adults. Since they don't spend hours a day competing with another child, they are very in tune to adults. I had that problem with my son for years. He wasn't so good with other children but he had adults jumping through hoops doing what he wanted. (My DS was an only for over 11 years)

Thank you! Yup this is Omar!

And it's driving me insane

 

[RachA]

4 is very young for lessons. I have a friend who is a piano teacher and he won't teach under 7s as they tend to be unfocused.

You say he refused to stop having the lessons...tbh you are his parent and the one paying for them. If you don't feel he is doing what is required then it's your choice if he carries on and not his.

 

[hattiehippo]

Tom is very hot and cold with his attention as well. If he's interested in something he will spend ages working things out - like numbers he taught himself to count in 2s and then started working out how to count in 3s and how many 3s are in different numbers. But if I ask him to do something and especially reading or writing which he is less interested in, then he pretty much flat refuses. If I push him then he's rolling around everywhere, falling off the sofa etc. Like Omar, he's a good listener at school and I think he uses up his attention there.

He also won't be told anything and is right about everything in his head. I would class him as a stubborn perfectionist too!

Tbh with piano lessons I agree with RachA. I think he's too young to focus enough to learn effectively for the length of a lesson and to decide whether he does it or not. I started piano lessons at 6 and it really was too young looking back. I did very well but it is a very solitary instrument and I wish I'd learnt something that I could play more with other people and started later when I was more emotionally ready for the commitment of learning and instrument.

 

[jd83]

I agree with the others, I think he's pretty young to have the focus required for that type of instrument. I think little boys around this age have around 30-45 minutes of focus per activity, if you're lucky, and then they are ready to move on to something else.

I wouldn't let him boss you around about it. I pick activities I htink the boys will enjoy, but if they aren't participating the way required by the activity, or listening to the teacher, etc, then they aren't ready for it and we're done with it for a while. Doesn't mean we can't try again when they are older, if they show interest then. Maybe you just need to find a different activity that he would like, and is better able to focus on. I just started my 4 year old in a Kung Fu class this past weekend. I wasn't sure if he'd be able to focus on something like that for an hour straight, but they relaly made it fun for that age group, and he loved it. Could you look into something like that instead?

 

[OmarsMum]

Thanks all for your reply

Piano class is for 30 mins only not an hour. This is his last chance, I already paid for course and he promised to pay attention without arguing with his teacher. At the institute they want him there as they see potential.

At school they will be offering tiquando, gymnastics and swimming classes starting from the 25th. we tried swimming last year but it was too basic, we will give the other 2 a try and see how it goes.

 

[jd83]

Thanks all for your reply

Piano class is for 30 mins only not an hour. This is his last chance, I already paid for course and he promised to pay attention without arguing with his teacher. At the institute they want him there as they see potential.

At school they will be offering tiquando, gymnastics and swimming classes starting from the 25th. we tried swimming last year but it was too basic, we will give the other 2 a try and see how it goes.

If its only 30 minutes, I don't think that is too long at all for a class if it were something he truly wanted to do. Him not paying attention, and getting so easily distracted is kind of telling for a 30 minute class that he's just not ready to be quite that focused on that type of activity. He may well have a great potential for it, but its always something you can come back to later when he is able to focus better. I think its just very hard at 4 years old to focus that well on such a stationary activity. Little boys tend to do better with activities that have them more on the move, to expend that energy. I'd let him know that if he can't keep focused during class, he will have to wait until he is older to try it again. Give him another chance to try it, but that way he will have already been forewarned that getting distracted means he's not quite ready for it yet.

 

[OmarsMum]

Thanks , he is 5 not 4

 

[jd83]

Thanks , he is 5 not 4

Sorry, I had looked at your signature, must be an old one. Still, even at 5, I think same still applies if he can't stay focused for that length of time, then he may just no be ready for it yet.

 

[Lady_Bee]

4 is very young for lessons. I have a friend who is a piano teacher and he won't teach under 7s as they tend to be unfocused.

You say he refused to stop having the lessons...tbh you are his parent and the one paying for them. If you don't feel he is doing what is required then it's your choice if he carries on and not his.

I agree. I was a piano teacher before having my kids, and teaching the younger ones is really hard because they are all over the place!!! I took on 4 yr old twins once... never again... When I go back to teaching I am definitely not teaching under 6s. OP if I were you I would keep encouraging his interest at home and just take a break from lessons for 6 months or a year. It's wonderful he is enthusiastic about music!