for all the young mums/mums to be

[Laura--x]

Also the fact that Laura is 16 makes even something as small as whos name bump takes a big deal, because look at some of the older girls on this forum, some have split from their OH's during their pregnancy, and whos to say that won't happen with Laura and her OH? or even in a year or so? (hoping it all works out for you's though) im only 18, but i still see 16 as alot younger and i know if i was 16 i would want bump to have my name no matter how much i loved or how long i thought i'd be with my OH until i was older and could see that yeah, maybe we will be together for a good few years or that we would end up married someday.

hope that dosent come across as patronising to you Laura! if so, i apoligise *hugs*

not at all hun ! i completely agree with you. I mean me and my oh have been together nearly 2 and a half years now, but after 18 months, i felt i had enough and missed my freedom, so i split up with him, but after 6 months realised i really did love him and need him. But whos to say that this wont happen again ? But for real next time ?
I love my oh to bits and i would love to get married to him, but i still do not know what will happen in however many years time, my mind and emotions are changing constantly ( aswell as any other teenage girl !) and her wants and needs change, so we cant be sure of anything!

x

 

[trishk]

Sarah I agree with the principle of what you are saying. But my sister in law got pregnant very young and she loved her boyfriend she was with him since the age of 13 and got pregnant at 18/19 she gave the baby his name. After a while he left her and she met someone else after a couple of years she fell pregnant again and gave the baby his name because they were enganged and she was older - 23 - so she thought they would be together forever. When her daughter was 3 they broke up - he doesnt even see his daughter now. My sil got married recently and had another baby. So she has 3 kids with different names legally. Although she calls them all by her maiden name. My point is that in an ideal world it would be great if all kids had their dads name but as you can see from my sil's case it can cause problems. Imagine how her children will feel in a couple of years. And it wasnt like she was with loads of different lads she just had 3 serious relationships - 2 of which with the wrong men she just didnt know that at the time. So at 16 i think it is a big decision to make.

 

[LilFlower08]

Well my OH is the proudest dad in the world and he loves the fact that he can call his son his surname and explains to everyone that its his name and he's his little man, but he doesn't mean it in a way that is nasty of selfish. its a proud moment to become a dad and one he'll never forget ofcourse, so giving his child his name meant the world to him. As much as its a difficult one i think women always have more of a say in these matters but i wudn't consider naming the children after me becuase i wouldn't look at our relationship as if we wud split...

that doesn't show much willingness to fight for it and make it work??? i dont know just my opinion and i guess its different for everyone.
I'd say go with wat feels right xx

 

[Laura--x]

I can completely see and do agree with where all of you are coming from.
I owe it to my oh to call our child by his last name, i know it would make him the proudest person on earth, and however much i think to myself i want to marry this boy and i want to spend the rest of my life with him, i still dont know if that IS going to happen, and i dont want to risk having a baby in his name, splitting up, getting with someone else and having a baby in their name, so ive got 2/3/4 different children with all different last names, its confusing to the children when they get older more than anyone else.

 

[oxSarahxo]

Sarah I agree with the principle of what you are saying. But my sister in law got pregnant very young and she loved her boyfriend she was with him since the age of 13 and got pregnant at 18/19 she gave the baby his name. After a while he left her and she met someone else after a couple of years she fell pregnant again and gave the baby his name because they were enganged and she was older - 23 - so she thought they would be together forever. When her daughter was 3 they broke up - he doesnt even see his daughter now. My sil got married recently and had another baby. So she has 3 kids with different names legally. Although she calls them all by her maiden name. My point is that in an ideal world it would be great if all kids had their dads name but as you can see from my sil's case it can cause problems. Imagine how her children will feel in a couple of years. And it wasnt like she was with loads of different lads she just had 3 serious relationships - 2 of which with the wrong men she just didnt know that at the time. So at 16 i think it is a big decision to make.

Yeah I see your point, my sister (not by blood) has 4 kids, she fell pregnant with her first when she was still at school, she's now 27... She has 2 kids to the first father that she was with for 9 years, so they both have his name, her last 2 kids have her "new" husbands name.

To her, it hasn't caused any real problems. She was with Steven her first partner from being 13 as I say for 9 years. He doesn't see the kids now, (his two sons, Ryan aged 10 and Reece aged 6 I think), he never bothered with his kids when they broke up and hasn't bothered since.

Maybe its the luck of the draw?

 

[KaidensMummy]

My wee boy has his dads name and I dont regret it..just thought it went better with his name, and its tradition to give the baby the dads name....so I would have to have a pretty good reason not to do it...just felt natural!! And we are teenage parents...he has stuck by me all the way..never once thought about leaving Kaiden. I split up with him for 6 months through my choice as I felt I had missed out on stuff but soon realised I loved him and he took me back with open arms.! I know for a fact none of us would ever leave our baby...but at end of day even if he did...I have a connection with Kaiden that OH doesnt have coz i carried him for 9 months...nice for OH to have a connection that I dont have (but will if we get married obv) its upto you hun thats just my opinion! x

 

[Sarah-Jane]

I have a connection with Kaiden that OH doesnt have coz i carried him for 9 months...nice for OH to have a connection that I dont have (but will if we get married obv)

I think you've just made my mind up
We were gonna have a double barrel name... but it really doesn't sound right, but now you have made me think about the connection, it will be so much better to take his name.
If me and my OH do split *touch wood we won't* he will always be a part of mine and our baby's life so I think I'm gonna take his name now
Thanks KaidensMummy xxx

 

[Ju_bubbs]

My first 2 children have their farthers name, at the time we had intended on getting married in the future, however we ended up seperating 10 months after our second was born, But altho we're not together he's obviously still their farther and still very much a huge part of their life.
My youngest has my name purely because I'd split up with his father before realising I was pregnant and I had a feeling he wouldn't stick around long once I told him.. which he didn't! At the mo, my OH and I are discussing changing our (I say our coz he brings them all up as tho their his een tho they;re not) youngests name to his name once we can afford to get married, which is the name our next one will take too.

 

[Sarah_16x]

Me and my boyfriend had same problem so we did a double barrel

 

[KaidensMummy]

I have a connection with Kaiden that OH doesnt have coz i carried him for 9 months...nice for OH to have a connection that I dont have (but will if we get married obv)

I think you've just made my mind up
We were gonna have a double barrel name... but it really doesn't sound right, but now you have made me think about the connection, it will be so much better to take his name.
If me and my OH do split *touch wood we won't* he will always be a part of mine and our baby's life so I think I'm gonna take his name now
Thanks KaidensMummy xxx

No Probs! xx

 

[trishk]

Yeah I see your point, my sister (not by blood) has 4 kids, she fell pregnant with her first when she was still at school, she's now 27... She has 2 kids to the first father that she was with for 9 years, so they both have his name, her last 2 kids have her "new" husbands name.

To her, it hasn't caused any real problems. She was with Steven her first partner from being 13 as I say for 9 years. He doesn't see the kids now, (his two sons, Ryan aged 10 and Reece aged 6 I think), he never bothered with his kids when they broke up and hasn't bothered since.

Maybe its the luck of the draw?

I agree completley when i got pregnant at 19 i knew the baby was going to have philips name but maybe that is because i felt very secure in the relationship & the baby was planned. But we ended up getting married before baby was born so that took the choice away! But i know my little niece who is nearly 7 now is v confused as to why she has a different name to everyone else in her family! But i definitely understand your point kids should have their dads name but sometimes when things go wrong it effects the childs sense of security especially when there are other siblings with other names. I think every case is different and its a tough decision to make.

 

[heather91]

I'm giving my baby their dad's name as we are planning to get married anyway, but you should do what feels right for you. It will feel a bit weird having a different surname to my baby, but I know I'll have the same surname in a few years time so I don't mind. x

 

[jobee2222]

Give the baby your name... Life would be much easier for you and if you and the baby wanted to go abroad, you can do so without asking 'daddy's permission'. Of course the decision is upto you but it seems to me you have a manipulative mil and its best to keep as much control to yourself as you know whats best for YOUR baby.

 

[kadey]

im giving LO the other halfs name, simply because we are planning on getting married when LO is about 3 therefore we will all have the same name by school time. Also his last name is nicer than mine haha

 

[Becky]

Im giving our baby his last name for a few simple reasons

a - There are talks of marriage on the cards
b - It is the traditional thing to do so have never considered otherwise
c - He is the only boy in his family to carry on the family name and if this is his only chance of a child who am I to take that away from him
d - He is our child not mine he has just as much rights as i do!!

x

 

[tasha41]

Well, since I plan to stay with my boyfriend permanently, I'm going to give the baby his last name. I always wanted to, from the minute I found out I was pregnant. However, if I wasn't sure I'd be staying with the father of my baby I'd give it my last name, and if things worked out in the end and we got married or something, we could always change it..

 

[xXDonnaXx]

We had the same problem,he wanted her to have his last name,and I wanted her to have mine. But, We are having OH's last name. If we did have my last name and we got married, we would have too go through the process of changing LO's last name too. And it wouldn't just be on her birth certificate, it would be with banks, child benefit, etc. Anything that has her last name on really. So that would mean more hassle.

The reason we agreed to use OH's name is we are planning to stay together,but even if we did split up,he is still her father. He is part of her,so I don't see why she can't have OH's name. I wouldn't change it too my name if we did split either,because like i've just said,he's still her daddy,and I did make her with him.

 

[Luhweez]

took it apon myself to pester the OH all day with whether he would WANT the baby to have his last name, and he said he dosen't mind, whichever the names sound better with, and does it really matter whos name it has? so i ended up in a huff because everybody elses OH's seem to say whether they actually want it to have their name or not. hmph!

 

[Charleeh08]

if it is that much of na issue use both hun.. that way everyone is happy.. unless you argue over who goes first

x

 

[Laura--x]

took it apon myself to pester the OH all day with whether he would WANT the baby to have his last name, and he said he dosen't mind, whichever the names sound better with, and does it really matter whos name it has? so i ended up in a huff because everybody elses OH's seem to say whether they actually want it to have their name or not. hmph!

i wish my oh was like that ! we're going to have constant arguments untill he gets what he wants, so i gues im just going to give in whilst i can and use his name !

x