For the ladies that dont require FOB to pay child support...

[chrischris83]

Why? If you dont mind me asking was it not worth the headache? I got into a huge argument with FOB last night. We are not together because he is very unstable and I cant deal with it. So he texted me "good luck to you and your baby" It really pissed me off so I texted him him back and said "We will be fine and we will see you in September (childsupport). I guess that really pissed him off, because he started texting me back crazy stuff about how he would rather die before I get his money, and how his first baby mama does not ask him for money. They just have a agreement and he gives her 150 a week. He went on to say she deserves his money not me.

After all that I begin to think if it is even worth it. Am I wrong for wantiing him to help financially? He made it seem like im not an independent woman because I would be seeking child support. I just feel like he should help because we planned LO and I didnt get myself pregnant. Just needed to vent. Thanks for listening.

 

[112110]

I never once thought having fob pay child support was going to make me less independent. You're right, it's not your child it's ours. If you're going to be the one to take care of him/her for 18+ years, why shouldn't he at least have to take some responsibility. I personally would never do what his first babies mom is doing, he could one day just be like oh don't feel like paying her anymore and stop and she couldn't be able to contact him etc etc. That's just me though. It takes two to make a baby, it should take two to support one.

 

[sophieee18]

My FOB refused to pay me money & is ignoring the CSA. At first I was pissed and rang up the CSA at least once a week to trace him down but in the end I gave up. We don't NEED his money. Yeah, it would be nice to have an Extra £50 a week but if he's just gonna hide for the rest of his life then I'll let him. I'd rather struggle on the little money I get and never get luxuries than chase him for his money & then for him to walk into my sons life when he's old enough to think 'who the hell are you?'

 

[lal]

He just wants things on his terms. Unfortunately for guys, babies are on our terms And unfortunately for his other baby's mom, if she didn't go through the state, he will be paying you more (first child gets original percentage, children after that get reduced...if she isn't official, you'd be considered the first I think). That's just one more reason to do it the right way. It is not for you, it is for your child, and babies are not independent. I think not taking child support is not fighting for your child's rights, unless the dad is really terrible and you don't want him around the baby, or he makes it impossible to get.

 

[chrischris83]

Thank you ladies for your replies! Im just not going to worry about it until the time comes.

 

[MissRhead]

FOB doesnt pay child support, but if kam needs something then i just ask him. It makes me feel uncomfatable him giving me a set amount of money incase he thinks i spend it on anything for me. Its stupid i know but it works at the min for us alll xxx

 

[LauraBee]

If I'm honest, I'm too proud slash stubborn to accept or ask for money from him.

This pregnancy wasn't planned, and in the first few weeks after we found out I was pregnant, he didn't want me to keep it. He's only seen her once, doesn't bother contacting me (almost at all) and obviously hasn't offered to pay maintenance. As far as I'm concerned, she's my baby, not ours. I'm not desperate for money, and until I am I'd refuse anything he offered and refuse to ask him.

I used to believe that a man should support his child financially, regardless of the situation, but now I'd rather have him in her life properly or not at all - his money isn't a substitute for his love and if she isn't good enough for him to love her properly, then his money is not even close to good enough for my daughter.

 

[anna matronic]

If I'm honest, I'm too proud slash stubborn to accept or ask for money from him.

This pregnancy wasn't planned, and in the first few weeks after we found out I was pregnant, he didn't want me to keep it. He's only seen her once, doesn't bother contacting me (almost at all) and obviously hasn't offered to pay maintenance. As far as I'm concerned, she's my baby, not ours. I'm not desperate for money, and until I am I'd refuse anything he offered and refuse to ask him.

I used to believe that a man should support his child financially, regardless of the situation, but now I'd rather have him in her life properly or not at all - his money isn't a substitute for his love and if she isn't good enough for him to love her properly, then his money is not even close to good enough for my daughter.

This is totally how I feel. I also feel for every penny he gives me is like he's buying piece of MY son. I never want him thinking I needed a penny.

He is an arse and Im happy to never speak/see again. I'll never deny Evan his dad, but I can't force his dad to see him, therefore I'm happy it just us

 

[whoops]

If I'm honest, I'm too proud slash stubborn to accept or ask for money from him.

This pregnancy wasn't planned, and in the first few weeks after we found out I was pregnant, he didn't want me to keep it. He's only seen her once, doesn't bother contacting me (almost at all) and obviously hasn't offered to pay maintenance. As far as I'm concerned, she's my baby, not ours. I'm not desperate for money, and until I am I'd refuse anything he offered and refuse to ask him.

I used to believe that a man should support his child financially, regardless of the situation, but now I'd rather have him in her life properly or not at all - his money isn't a substitute for his love and if she isn't good enough for him to love her properly, then his money is not even close to good enough for my daughter.

This is totally how I feel. I also feel for every penny he gives me is like he's buying piece of MY son. I never want him thinking I needed a penny.

He is an arse and Im happy to never speak/see again. I'll never deny Evan his dad, but I can't force his dad to see him, therefore I'm happy it just us

You've both summed up how I feel.

Asking for or accepting money from him would make me feel like I relied on him. After going through the past year without his support, I don't see any need for things to change.

If I got to a stage where my LO was suffering because I couldn't support her financially, then things would be different - I'd never be too proud to accept help if she needed it. But at the moment, I'm doing perfectly well without him in my life.

 

[GardenMagee]

I actually just met with my lawyer today to go over the custody paperwork and decided not to file for support. I guess I feel like I should give him a chance to give me the money on his own terms before it becomes something ordered by the court. I also feel like maybe he'll be easier to work with as far as custody goes if I don't file for support. I can always change my mind if I need to... and I probably will. This is all a lot for me, so one thing at a time.

 

[wishuwerehere]

Definitely too proud to take his money. My FOB is here for his daughter, we get on ok, he sees his daughter every week, but when we were together he belittled me and made me feel so small, like I was completely dependant on him, I acted like his little puppy dog...now I like being able to do everything and knowing it wouldn't matter if he was here or he wasn't. I tell him to put 'child support' into a bank account for her and then he can either give it to her or they can go on holidays or whatever when she's older and have some daddy daughter time. It works for us

 

[xJG30]

I don't want or need money off someone who can not be arsed to be a decent father to his son.

 

[justlove]

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