For those who have used a Contact Centre

[WhiteGeisha]

Hey ladies

Well today me and FOB have been rowing again. Nothing new there though.

I found out he's been lying to me a lot. I have just found out that the reason he didn't get in touch for 2 months was because he had a new girlfriend. What makes me mad is I knew this having been told by a close friend who dates a mate of his, yet everytime I asked him he denied it. Finally having the proof I needed to confront him he admitted it was true! I am more mad that he didn't just fess up rather than keep lying.

It's gotten to the point now where I just cannot have him in my life. It's making me ill.

I try so hard to make things work for LO but he always cocks it up. I've lost count of the chances I've given him.

Because of various things and many lies I cannot trust him. This is my main reason I will not let him have LO away from me. Also he has only seen her 3 times since she was born so it's not like she even knows him for him to swan in and take her off.

I now realise the reason he suddenly changed towards me in Jan was because he got with this girl. I'm guessing she wouldn't have been happy with her bf coming to mine to see LO so he tried to get me to let him have LO by threatening me with a solicitor. I now believe he thought they could play happy families with my daughter! What makes this even more laughable is that 2 months later she dumped him and he came crawling back (although at the time I did not know about the girl nor did I know this was why he was suddenly giving me his usual bullshit excuses about why he hadn't been in touch).

We had a really good time back in April taking LO out etc (he lives abroad so comes back rarely for a week here and there, 3 times is how many visits back to the UK he has made). We really seemed to have turned a corner. This is when my friend decided to tell me what she knew and obviously shit hit the fan.

I kept saying to him I just wanted the truth and until I can trust him he is going to find it very hard for me to agree to him taking LO off. (His mates are deadbeats, all drink and smoke wayyyy tooo much and get into fights all the time, even take drugs around their own baby, which I witnessed when one was only 7 weeks old! I kid you not).

It was always going to be he could have LO when she knew him, was old enough to understand why this man is taking her away for a few hours and when I could trust him. This contact was to be at his mothers with only family there. Now I find out his mum has been swanning around with the now ex-girlfriend and I just don't trust her either. I just think if he got another new gf that she would allow this girl to the house when LO is there even though it would be one on of the conditions to his visitation - no women.

So I think it's either going to end up in court or we have to say Contact Centre. I know he hates the thought of one but I really can't see no end to this situation. The evidence and case I have built up against him is unlikely to see him get access at his mother's, especially with what's come to light this past week. So I think if we go to court it will be a Contact Centre he gets.

How long will he see LO in the CC before he can request taking her off to his parents? Because him seeing LO at the CC only prevents him taking her somewhere he shouldn't or having mates over to the house when he has LO. It doesn't actually give me the chance to trust him and for him to earn that trust.

I just don't see any end to this situation.

I'm so angry that he keeps lying to me and thinking he will get away with it, but we have mutual friends and I always find out...eventually. I just want him to grow up and put LO first but he just cannot do it. Then he blames me for all this and cannot realise it's him that's got us here in the first place.

His life goes on but mine is just full of this constant shit. Nothing has changed for him. My whole life has changed, that's because of him, yet he keeps putting me through hell!

 

[xSophieBx]

I could of wrote that last bit myself.

I have a loser immature FOB too & also have trust issues, he hasn't seen LO since 23rd December, as I tried my hardest and it was just never good enough and it was making me ill(I've had post natal depression & extreme anxiety after his mental abusing visits) so I stopped access at my house and had told him months b4 that to sort a contact centre anyway. After months of harassment(I had upto 21 missed calls in 1 day) he finally got a solicitor, everyone thinks its all about me that he wants, not Lily as his never shown an interest in her, very long story but was just giving u a lil info trying to relate to urs about the no access thing. He couldn't even do simple things for her when he came round my house on the odd occasions, and just went on at me the whole time trying to find out what I've been upto etc(his a control freak).

So getting back on track, I had a solicitior letter saying ideally he wanted a whole weekend with Lily but would settle for 2-3hours every saturday away from my home to start off with. Well noway was I agreeing to that due to his mental issues I don't trust my daughter alone with him newhere! Oh & just to mention he quit his job when I got 2 payments from the CSA, & then only went to a solicitor just cos he can get legal aid now. I then got a solicitor & said I'd like a contact centre as there was no mutual person I trusted to supervise it as my mum hates being around him aswell. So we agreed contact centre. Apparently contact centres are only open on saturdays & most of them only every other saturday. & also their a short term thing and they like things to progress out of the contact centre after 3-4months. & u can't pick wot times etc.. Its pathetic really... & u have to pay to get there.. I live in the middle of nowhere and its 16miles to the nrest contact centre, & I get no maintenance for her! I can't tell u more then that about the contact centre as we're not even at 1 yet. This happened at the start of april.. It took 4 weeks to get a reply saying the 1 I wanted had no available spaces, but another 1 had immediate spaces(this 1s furthur from me), so I wrote back saying that I wanted my 1st choice, unless he would pay my travel costs of getting to the other 1. Its taken 5 weeks!!!!!!!!! to get a reply, I've literally only just got 1, with the application form for it, that they need me to fill in and "want a reply as soon as possible", yet its taken them 5 bloody weeks. & they want to go 2 wotever 1 has the 1st available places.. So basically if ur nrest 1 hasn't got spaces u'll be placed on a waiting list til they do. I just don't understand y its taking so long to get replys from his solicitor yet my 1 replys straight away.. I would of thought if he wanted to see his daughter that fast he'd be rushing it.

I know I've rambled on abit, hopefully some of it makes sense to u lol.

If his making u feel ill, do not have him at ur house nemore... I def think the contact centre is the way forward. So either go to ur solicitor and get the ball rolling or wait til u hear from his. xx

 

[AbbynChloe]

Hi there,

I have never been to a contact centre I just wanted to offer some

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[WhiteGeisha]

Thanks so much for replying hun.

You mention FOB's mental issues...do you/can you prove this? I can prove quite a few things about FOB but there's a few other things that is just my word.

I've lost 4 stone since LO was born. I just feel on edge all the time waiting to hear from him/letter from sols.....you probably know what I mean.

I only have 2 contact centres nearby. I haven't enquired about availability. FOB hasn't replied to my last text and going from past experience he probably won't now, I don't even think he will get in touch when he is home in 4 weeks and will just take me to court when he moves back here next year.

I just didn't know how long he would have to maintain visitation at a contact centre before being able and getting granted access outside the CC.

I have tried so hard for him to be involved but he just takes and never gives. He doesn't think twice about sparking up a fag around LO and just sits on his phone or watching TV when he is here. Or out having a fag! I just don't trust him and now after today the family. I was quite happy for him in time to take LO to his mum's for a couple of hours but I told him I wouldn't even discuss that happening until he put in the effort, stopped lying, put LO before his social life and just generally stepped up to the mark and let her get to know him in her time, not because he demands it.

I have no neutral ground either.

The CC would work for now, but not forever. I still need to be able to trust him for him to have LO away from me. He just has to keep point scoring with me though.

I don't think he would care if he only got 2 hrs a week as tbh it's more this mum than him that's bothered...not that she has ever done anything herself to try and resolve the situation - she takes his side and bad mouths me.

I just hate the thought of court because it's so final and what is decided by the court goes and it can go either way and I can't run the risk of him getting her away from me, wherever he wants, with whoever he wants.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I know he will use this latest argument to take me to court but he fails to realise why we are actually arguing in the first place.

Now that he is single he asked if he could sleep over at mine when back in my bed!!! So it's pretty obvious to me that he only turned in Jan becoz of the new gf and he always uses the excuse 'I make his visits so uncomfortable for him'....yeh so uncomfortable you just have to share a bed with me! So glad I have this all in emails as I know IF this goes to court he will use the excuse he cant come to mine is because I make him feel uncomfortable and then I can just prove how much of a liar he really is, and he is too dumb to realise that until I hit it with him in court!x