Friend is clueless.

[VeraLynn]

Sorry I need to vent because I'm just so overly angry and upset at the moment.

One of my friends who I thought would've been a bit more understanding just told me she's pregnant, AGAIN. She literally just had her 1st son not even a year ago too. She knows of my miscarriage that I had this year and how that led into me finding out that about my secondary infertility and knows about all the treatments I did that did nothing and that this year has just been really hard on me and my spouse when it comes to babies. So I was VERY surprised by the way she told me today and it just honestly made me angry and upset.

Pretty much she did the whole, 'I'm gonna ask you how things are, to just ignore everything you said and tell you this news instead.' And if that wasn't bad enough, she then went on to go into every freakn' detail about how she had a sonogram and saw the baby and how the drs said its healthy and how everything is perfect and wonderful and all rainbows and unicorns, and then goes to the point of sending me a picture of the sonogram and then goes back into telling me all about how they're so excited and blah blah blah. Then she makes a comment, which I'm sorry, just pissed me off, 'I can't believe how quick it took, we literally JUST started trying' this past month.'

Seriously, I wanted to tell her off at that moment. And I'm not going to lie, there were tears as I read that, as I just passed that what would've been the due date a couple weeks ago. I guess I can't say I'm all that surprised because on the day of my miscarriage she was the one who told me to just 'try again' and then when I told her of my infertility, her response was 'well they can fix that can't they?'

I just feel like she is so absolutely clueless and I just can't believe she thought it'd be ok to break the news to me like that. It would've been one thing if she just would've said, hey I'm pregnant, and left it at that. But to go on and on and on like that, when I didn't even ask, just pissed me off and hurt a lot.

I ended up writing her back asking her as politely as I could, to please refrain from giving me details or sending pictures because it just upsets me too much and just explained why. I kept reiterating that I was happy for her, and kept saying congrats, but I feel like she's probably going to get pissed regardless. I mean, am I in the wrong here? Was to tell her this the right thing to do or should I of just left it alone?

 

[hopefulfor1st]

I'm sorry for how u feel- I know how hard it is- but your friend was probably just very excited- I'm sure she didn't I tentionally want to hurt you, but a new baby is so exciting you can't hold back! I hope you get your miracle soon and know that you've worked so much harder for it you will enjoy it more!

 

[barbikins]

Your friend could have been more sensitive but some people are just that - clueless.
I think you did the right thing in being honest & asking for some discretion...and if she can't understand & support you & she's going to get upset with you instead, then she is really not a good friend after all.

 

[BabyCleo]

She probably didnt mean to do it on purpose, but shes totally clueless for sure. She needs to respect your wishes and understand that. She can puke rainbows and unicorns and my little ponies on plenty of other people.. just keep it simple with you. If i had a friend going through that, id totally get it. xox

 

[_kate_]

That sound awful hun, I hope you're ok.
I've got PCOS and my friends have been really supportive.
To be honest, she doesn't sound like a friend to me. You don't need people in your life like her.
People who haven't had to try or don't have any problems really just don't have a clue. I'm afraid to say it will probably only get worse the further along she gets. My sister in law was exactly the same during her pregnancy and it was hell!!
Hope your ok,
Kate.

 

[AidensMama]

I can only imagine how awful that must have been for you. While, like others have said, she probably didnt intend to hurt you or rub it in your face I think you were completely in the right in telling her how you felt. Struggling with infertility and MC is absolutely a personally painful ordeal and those who haven't been there can't possibly comprehend how hard it can be. It is good that you explained how you would prefer for her to deal with the situation and relaying information to you in the future. I also applaud you for the thought and care to let her know your happy for her and congratulating your friend, but we all have to protect ourselves as much as possible.

Hang in there, I really do hope you get a miracle soon. Just know that your not struggling alone and that there is an entire community here who can relate to your pain.

 

[CaliDreaming]

You totally did the right thing. She probably will get pissed but who cares. She will have more than enough people cheering her on, so it's more important to save your sanity. People like that always are just thinking of themselves so you don't need her in your life anyway.

I got mad just reading that. There'd be no way you could have dealt with that for the next nine months.