Friend Lost Her Child at 21-Weeks. I Need Advice.

[bbforme]

Three months ago, my friend and co-worker lost her son at 21-weeks.

Needless to say, it was a horrible, horrible experience for her and her family. The story she told me ripped my heart out – it was so sad.

Since that time, I’ve been on eggshells with her, as shortly thereafter, I found out I was pregnant. I haven’t told her yet (I’m 11-weeks) but I’m sure she’ll hear about it soon enough as my boss already knows and he’s a bit of a gossiper. I’d hate for her to find out through the grapevine, but I just don’t know how to approach the subject w/o hurting her. Especially, with her due date approaching. I just don’t know what to say. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I’ve been avoiding her because I don’t want to remind her of her loss (though I’m sure she doesn’t reminding). I don’t want to seem uncaring and then again, I don’t want to keep poking at her wound, so to speak.

What should I say, if anything, on her due date?

How do I tell her I’m pregnant?

How do I handle this in a manner most comfortable for her?

 

[Andypanda6570]

It's been 8 weeks since I lost Ava at 18 weeks and the first few weeks were the worst for me and even more was that my SIL was also pregnant , she lost her baby Monday at 17 weeks I was so scared to see her at Easter but a week before she lost the baby.
If I was you I would tell her this way it comes from you it will mean more than coming from a gossip or outsider .
Don't say anything on her due date let her if she does bring it up and then just be there to listen You sound like a wonderful and caring person and I think for me not even knowing you means so much that you care about her feelings on so many levels.
All The Best

 

[Mellybelle]

Make sure you tell her before everyone else. And let her know that she is the first to know. Tell her that you understand that it must be very hard for her to hear that you are pregnant and that you understand why. Let her know that you realise its so unfair that she lost her baby. It will help her if you understand how she feels.
She'll probably say she's happy for you, then she;ll go home and cry and cry and cry. She may even avoid you as much as possible for the rest of your pregnancy. Please dont get angry at her if she does. She will also be feeling guilty that she cant be happy for you.

 

[hannpin]

I gave birth so my son Harri at 20 weeks 5 weeks ago, and a week later MIL came and told us SIL (OH's sister) is 14 weeks pregnant and was too scared to tell us. It broke my heart. I was happy for her, but was gutted she could not come and tell us herself. And like has been said above, I cryed and cryed and cryed, but not because I am not happy for her, it is because I am sad for myself

So my advice for you is to tell her before someone else does. As for her due date, I have not got there yet, but I think she would be pleased that you remembered and let her know you are there for her on that day if she needs you.

Take care xx