Friendly thread -Why did you choose to FF?

[Lina]

oh gawwwwd

At the end of the day a lot of people choose to FF, not just attempted BF but couldn't continue. I'm interested to know the reasons too such as because it's not something I considered. There's something a bit cagey and taboo about choosing to FF with certain groups of people, and there are groups in society (such as teen mums) that people always ASSUME will FF - i thought this thread would be fascinating to dispute some of these stereotypes about who chooses to FF and the reasons why. I mean why does everyone recoil in shock when I ask if I can nurse infront of them? Is it because they assume I FF? And why would they assume that, is it because I clearly want to go out and get drunk all the time or lumber my LO on my mum everyday because i'm a teenager and that's unworkable if I BF? I want to know the genuine reasons that combat these stupid guesses that people have for mums as to why they chose to FF

I think the expectation is a western thing. In many other nations the assumption goes the other way. And the teenage thing goes together with other low expectations of them as a group, but the biggest obstacle to successful breastfeeding second only to lack of information are family who have never breastfed themselves.

 

[MrsPOP]

I personally don't think breastfeeding has any benefits really, it's the baseline norm, it's NOT breastfeeding that carries risks. But it can't be worded like that because it puts people's backs up making them less likely to listen to the message.

This thread is chock full of women who FF after struggling to FF. Most of us have 'listened to the message' that BM is best. So why come on a thread asking why we FF and tell us we are putting our children at risk? That's not fair and actually really upsetting.

This thread was supposed to be friendly. Can we move away from the BF is superior stuff now? I have PND as it is over not being able to BF!

I'm one of those women who couldn't BF but it doesn't mean I want or need to be shielded from the
facts.

I certainly don't want to ignore the facts that BM is the optimal food for my baby, but this thread is really not about that at all. It's about why women chose to FF.

What this thread has given me is some reassurance that I wasn't alone in what I went through with struggling to BF, that's important to me because I need to make my peace with it. After all Alice is thriving, healthy, happy and most of all extremely loved by me, my DH and my family. When I see my mum play with her and get to feed her it's wonderful, my mum is dying but she's managed to experience the bond you get when you feed her and she looks up at you with her beautiful eyes

There are so many reasons why Cancer, diabetes etc happen so there's no point mentioning risks to women who have already FF their babies and upsetting them really. Kinda shutting the door after the horse has bolted really.

Anyway, back on track eh?

to everyone and

 

[HungryHippo]

We moved to FF at 6 weeks. My supply was low. I had read tons about how there are ways to increase your supply...including medications...and none of it worked. LO was miserable - just miserable. Her first week with FF she averaged 25oz/day. I could barely pump 2oz of BM at a time. She wasn't getting enough to eat. Apparently even that's a controversial subject...but there was no controversy in my home - we switched to formula and LO is thriving now.

 

[buttonnose82]

I breastfed for 10 months but then choose too switch too formula (so don't know if I really fit?) for the health of my little man. He has always kinda struggled with weight gain and between 8 & 10 months old only put on 3oz! he was dropping further and further down his chart and then I became pregnant again and I knew my supply was also starting too drop, so I felt for his sake it was better too switch too formula and since we have made the switch he has put on 2lb and is a happier more content baby

I am pro breast feeding but also didn't feel guilty for switching because at the end of the day I might be pro breastfeeding but I am MORE pro happy mummy/happy baby, and as long as baby is fed then what does it matter how

 

[special_kala]

Why are people less in favour of BF 'allowed' to make false claims where as if someone DARES to provide correct info about BF, that's making people feel bad...? I don't get it

Im only upto page 11 but claire has a fair point here

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

I chose to FF with Aidan due to lack of support, struggling to obtain a latch and just generally having a really tough time. With this baby I intend to try BFing again though

Havn't read the thread so forgive me if this question has been asked. But why has a thread asking women why they FF turned into a BF v FF debate? x

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

I chose to FF with Aidan due to lack of support, struggling to obtain a latch and just generally having a really tough time. With this baby I intend to try BFing again though

Havn't read the thread so forgive me if this question has been asked. But why has a thread asking women why they FF turned into a BF v FF debate? x

Because this is BnB?
Wow congratulations btw!

 

[KittyVentura]

Patch - I thank your for your initial post on this thread. It's so nice to see someone who IS so pro BF read our stories and see that FF wasn't an out and out choice for most of us, but that we each reached a hurdle we just felt we couldn't overcome.

Support should be better for new mums with BF. But NOT in the current way. All that I see from GPs, MWs and HVs etc is this message "Best is best, you MUST BF"... but no-one actually trying to help. I was lucky in that I DID have a good supply and Fin latched straight away etc. It SHOULD have been straight forward for me. However with his cluster feeding and the fact my positioning meant he had an awful latch (I know this NOW lol) I was in a LOT of pain from day one. It was affecting my bond with Fin because I did not want him to wake up (not literally of course) because I knew it would mean feeding him and hurting me. I had NUMEROUS visits from different HVs and MWs. Each one would just say "Oh it does get easier, it's normal" etc. Not ONE of them asked to see me feed to see him latch. Not one of them offered me any kind of real support. I was still determined... until I got sick that is.

I only now know that more support is out there. I feel so sad for me and for Fin. I cried for DAYS after I switched. Seeing Fin being fed by bottle hurt me so bad. I DO feel guilty because part of me thinks I SHOULD have thought through being ill and succeeded. I feel like I failed him.

The battle to improve BF rates is let down and failed right at the source. The NHS are NOT providing the support that is needed to new mums. Pain and simple. The fact that MOST of those MWs and HVs are older and come from a generation where FF was seen as perfectly fine and BF wasn't researched and pushed means so many of them don't see the benefits of BF themselves or really have their heart behind it. Half of those that visited me at home told me "If you need to stop then stop, happy mum equals happy baby". That's not supporting me in my BF attempts or supporting the message being put out there officially.

And what happens is those that DO manage to BF and feel as strongly as we ALL did when we started out see these bad rates and want to help improve them but the battle then becomes one which makes the vunerable, unsupported new mums (who themselves are struggling to come to terms with what's happened) feel targetted and victimised.

The battle needs to be taken to the source. The NHS NEED to improve the support they give. THEY are the reason BF rates at 6 months are so low. This thread shows that. Most of us wanted to do it. We tried what we felt was out hardest with no support. We felt we HAD to switch when no support was given or made aware of. The NHS and health professionals are the ones at fault here... so why is it that the majority of the time (not speaking about this thread) FF mums feel they are put down about the way they feed by other mums? Why should FF mums have more pain and anguish added to thier OWN burden, after all we do all know breast is "best" (I agree it should be breast is normal and anything less is substandard). We know we are not giving our babies the best start.

I'm not saying FF mums should be protected from facts but there's this real feeling that the BF battle is between mums who have already had their choice made up for them. That battle should be between ALL mums and the health professionals and a system that is failing us and our next generation.

No idea how to get that battle moved though.

Wow, now I've gone off on a tangent xxx

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

I chose to FF with Aidan due to lack of support, struggling to obtain a latch and just generally having a really tough time. With this baby I intend to try BFing again though

Havn't read the thread so forgive me if this question has been asked. But why has a thread asking women why they FF turned into a BF v FF debate? x

Because this is BnB?
Wow congratulations btw!

thats a good answere

Thank you x

 

[Hayley90]

Kitty, and several others whose usernames i dont know ,whilst i do agree with your posts, and ive said countless times before that society's view on BFing is sad, this thread WAS originally aimed at ladies who didnt BF at all... we just FF. A lot of FFers joined who had struggled with BF, which is fair enough, but the ORIGINAL point to the thread was 'why we chose to FF from the beginning' rather than 'why did you FF 6 weeks in afer no NHS help' or 'why i FF because my MW was stupid' iykwim?

Yes the info is valid, yes the facts are correct, but they are TOTALLY irrelevant to the people this was originally aimed at. and thats why i think this went off on a joy ride.

Sometimes people make choices regardless of the facts... FF can sometimes be one of them. Exhibit A - me. x

 

[midori1999]

Patch - I thank your for your initial post on this thread. It's so nice to see someone who IS so pro BF read our stories and see that FF wasn't an out and out choice for most of us, but that we each reached a hurdle we just felt we couldn't overcome.

Support should be better for new mums with BF. But NOT in the current way. All that I see from GPs, MWs and HVs etc is this message "Best is best, you MUST BF"... but no-one actually trying to help. I was lucky in that I DID have a good supply and Fin latched straight away etc. It SHOULD have been straight forward for me. However with his cluster feeding and the fact my positioning meant he had an awful latch (I know this NOW lol) I was in a LOT of pain from day one. It was affecting my bond with Fin because I did not want him to wake up (not literally of course) because I knew it would mean feeding him and hurting me. I had NUMEROUS visits from different HVs and MWs. Each one would just say "Oh it does get easier, it's normal" etc. Not ONE of them asked to see me feed to see him latch. Not one of them offered me any kind of real support. I was still determined... until I got sick that is.

I only now know that more support is out there. I feel so sad for me and for Fin. I cried for DAYS after I switched. Seeing Fin being fed by bottle hurt me so bad. I DO feel guilty because part of me thinks I SHOULD have thought through being ill and succeeded. I feel like I failed him.

The battle to improve BF rates is let down and failed right at the source. The NHS are NOT providing the support that is needed to new mums. Pain and simple. The fact that MOST of those MWs and HVs are older and come from a generation where FF was seen as perfectly fine and BF wasn't researched and pushed means so many of them don't see the benefits of BF themselves or really have their heart behind it. Half of those that visited me at home told me "If you need to stop then stop, happy mum equals happy baby". That's not supporting me in my BF attempts or supporting the message being put out there officially.

And what happens is those that DO manage to BF and feel as strongly as we ALL did when we started out see these bad rates and want to help improve them but the battle then becomes one which makes the vunerable, unsupported new mums (who themselves are struggling to come to terms with what's happened) feel targetted and victimised.

The battle needs to be taken to the source. The NHS NEED to improve the support they give. THEY are the reason BF rates at 6 months are so low. This thread shows that. Most of us wanted to do it. We tried what we felt was out hardest with no support. We felt we HAD to switch when no support was given or made aware of. The NHS and health professionals are the ones at fault here... so why is it that the majority of the time (not speaking about this thread) FF mums feel they are put down about the way they feed by other mums? Why should FF mums have more pain and anguish added to thier OWN burden, after all we do all know breast is "best" (I agree it should be breast is normal and anything less is substandard). We know we are not giving our babies the best start.

I'm not saying FF mums should be protected from facts but there's this real feeling that the BF battle is between mums who have already had their choice made up for them. That battle should be between ALL mums and the health professionals and a system that is failing us and our next generation.

No idea how to get that battle moved though.

Wow, now I've gone off on a tangent xxx

Excellent post and you have made some very good points.

There is support and help out there, it just often comes from other sources than the NHS.

Around 85% of women start BF at birth. Yet, only around 15% are still BF at 8 weeks. That 85% of women wanted to BF, it was their first choice and statistically less than 2% of those are physicaly unable to BF, so something is going wrong somewhere. Those 85% should be able to get the correct support and help to enable them to BF successfully, without a doubt.

However, I don't think the NHS are the only reason BF rates at 6 months are so low. Formula companies do a very, very good job of convincing us that formula can be very similar to breastmilk. Also, for most women the choices are 'BF or FF', they don't consider, or aren't aware of any middle ground. Donor milk (except for premature babies) or wet nursing simply aren't 'fashoionable' in society now, yet these would be the logical choice for someone who couldn't breastfeed or didn't want to BF themselves. Historically, it was the choice women who couldn't BF made and it kept their babies alive.

 

[Hayley90]

the suggestion of donor milk or milk banks is unreal. whilst i know it happens, i have never and probably will never come across people in day to day life who know what that is, how to do it, how much would be needed, the time needed, and who would have the dedication to do it. coupled with finding someone who could afford it (milk banks are expensive are they not?) and who WANTS to give their child someone elses milk

whilst i know they exist, they must be VERY VERY few and far between, so hardly a viable option for most of the 85% of mothers dont you think? i doubt 85% of BFing parents would be willing to hand their milk away, some on this thread have said how hard it was. So i hardly think donor milk is a viable long term option...

 

[Lina]

^Donor or wet nurse is a great alternative bar the costs. Why milk meant for cows is better than human milk I will never understand.

 

[patch2006uk]

^Donor or wet nurse is a great alternative bar the costs. Why milk meant for cows is better than human milk I will never understand.

Human milk 4 human babies is a free milk donor service, I believe. And There was a thread on here not too long ago about a lady sharing her breastmilk with her SIL's baby

 

[special_kala]

I dont think donated milk is really viable. There would be to many health and safety isseues and it doesnt last long if stored incorrectly.

Some people just dont want to bf and thats their choice, no matter how much support is thrown at them it wont change their minds.

 

[KittyVentura]

I'd never give Fin donor milk. Call me selfish but I just could NEVER see him get what he needed knowign it came from another woman when I wanted to give him that myself.

 

[special_kala]

^Donor or wet nurse is a great alternative bar the costs. Why milk meant for cows is better than human milk I will never understand.

Because you can pump cows with hormones and stick them in acage on a machine for god knows how many hours. Dont think many women would agree to that tbh.

 

[midori1999]

the suggestion of donor milk or milk banks is unreal. whilst i know it happens, i have never and probably will never come across people in day to day life who know what that is, how to do it, how much would be needed, the time needed, and who would have the dedication to do it. coupled with finding someone who could afford it (milk banks are expensive are they not?) and who WANTS to give their child someone elses milk

whilst i know they exist, they must be VERY VERY few and far between, so hardly a viable option for most of the 85% of mothers dont you think? i doubt 85% of BFing parents would be willing to hand their milk away, some on this thread have said how hard it was. So i hardly think donor milk is a viable long term option...

I don't want to take this too far off topic again, so I am not going to answer all your points.

However, you're right, in the UK most people don't know about the option of milk sharing. Call me cynical, but I reckon that has everything to do with donor milk being free and formula being big business. Milk sharing is a viable option though and it does happen, probably more than you'd think. Lots of women are happy to donate milk and receive it and give it to their babies.

However, it is far more sensible, not to mention helpful, to support women properly so they can breastfeed their own child if that is what they want to do and make Mum's aware than donor milk may be an option and in fact is recommended by the WHO before formula. That doesn't mean donor milk is for everyone, but it's not for anyone if they don't know about it, is it?

 

[Lina]

^Donor or wet nurse is a great alternative bar the costs. Why milk meant for cows is better than human milk I will never understand.

Human milk 4 human babies is a free milk donor service, I believe. And There was a thread on here not too long ago about a lady sharing her breastmilk with her SIL's baby

Thats great! My DH's mum nursed three babies including him whose mothers had supply issues.

 

[sapphire1]

Mrs Pop, I sooo get you on the guilt thing hun

In the hospital i was in, i watch a team of midwives bully a poor foreign lass into trying to BF, her LO wouldn't latch, she couldn't express any milk at all and for 3 days i saw what a state they were both in. I am completely for trying your hardest but this poor woman was crying in my arms at night. I told her she can ask for formula, no one had told her this and she thought she would be in hospital for months until her LO fed.
I heard her asking the midwife for milk and sobbing and the midwife kept saying no, i actually stuck my head in and said "can you please give them them some formula" It was actually disgusting the way they were treating her. I do think sometimes the breastfeeding push can go a bit too far.
I hope that didn't offend anyone, i'm very pro BF but not to the point of bullying

That's disgraceful. Very strange though how the very same hospital made me give Holly formula. She lost 13% of her birthweight in the first week due to non-latching and me expressing colostrum, and we ended up being admitted back to hospital. They made me express 3 hourly, and top up with formula til she gained weight. We weren't offered to try cup feeding, and were made to give bottles, despite them knowing I really wanted to BF. They were just interested in feeding her up and getting her out. I'm pretty certain the early introduction of bottles is what led to our latching problem, but I didn't know any better and didn't want her to starve. Those 48 hours were among the worst of my life, they didn't even help me with the washing/sterilising pump parts although I was assured somebody would help me. I was pumping/feeding EBM/FF in a continuous cycle round the clock and had approx 30mins rest in between feeding times.