Frosties - what now?

[Helen]

There isn't really a section for this and I just don't know where to post it. I hope I don't upset or offend anyone by posting it here. I kinda want opinions from people who may be requiring donors.

When we went through IVF we were lucky enough to get 6 little frosties. We were thrilled because it meant that we would be able to have another 2 tries without having to go through the egg collection process again. Never in our wildest dreams did we expect it to work first time and for us to have twins.

Our prayers have been answered and we adore our children with all our hearts, they are a total joy BUT we don't think we want any more children. I am 35 and DH is 41, we have a girl and a boy and we were really lucky. I'm not sure I could face more IVF, injections and the way it totally consumes you. If we tried and failed I wouldn't want to be left feeling disappointed. Dunno if that makes sense.(?) We think our family is complete.

We have stored our little frosties for 2 years and could store them for another 3. The renewal has just arrived and we've been talking about our options. They are:
1. to renew the storage or use them ourselves
2. to have them destroyed
3. to donate them for research
4. to donate them to another couple

TBH none of these feel like an option at all. I know they are only a few cells but these are our children and we know what gorgeous little ones they turn into. To destroy them feels like having an abortion. I couldn't donate them for research so we are considering option 4.

It puts me in such anguish though. I feel as though I am putting them up for adoption. We want to give them a chance for life but I know that it is the doctors that decide who uses them. You wouldn't give a puppy away to a bad home yet we are considering giving away our potential children to people we don't know and will probably never meet. Will I always look for them on the street? What if they hate us for giving them away. What if they don't have a happy life? What if they decide they never want to meet us?

I know I'm going to need some counselling to get through this. Who knew that the agony around infertility would carry on even when you get the miracle that we so desperately wanted.

Anyone know of any resources on the web surrounding donation?

 

[Mynxie]

Sending you a huge hug sweetie, it's a very hard decision to make.

Not being in the same boat, I loosely understand it - because I understand your arguments iykwim

All I could really say is that I personally, in the same situation, I think would feel the same. If another couple did get your frosties and they carried them successfully, they wouldn't hate you sweetie. They'd thank you for giving them that chance, for giving them a life with their parents etc. I think that if you want a baby so much that you are willing to go through the heartache of IVF etc (or a hard TTC journey), I think you'd be a good parent anyway. You'd cherish your children, maybe that little bit more.

Would you be able to have counselling prior to making any decision too?

 

[wannabmum]

I can understand what ur going threw inc all ur fears etc I had same worries tbh but came to same conclusion as Mynxie about the parents etc and knowing how infertility feels wanted to give hope to another family, but at the same time it is a personal choice and think u need to give this real time to think about what is best for you

xxx

 

[waiting4u]

wow, that is difficult. We had to have this type of conversation recently regarding HFEA regulations and if we wanted to donate anything to research. A big part of me says, thanks to the research, we are were we are today. We are embarking on our IVF journey because of research. We also had to sign forms that if anything happened to either one of us, what were our wishes with stored sperm or potential embies. I asked that my DH did not use them with anybody else......typing that makes me feel a terrible person.... but as by law, my name would be on the birth certificate, regardless of who the mum was......well, it is just so complicated. It is the same for donation ( I am told) that you will be notified if another couple is successful with donated embies.

HOWEVER, I do not have any frozen embies so who am I to be able to type my thoughts so freely?

Great to talk it through at counselling, our clinic offers a free counselling service, they are great.....don't tell you what to do, but help you to understand. As with anything, once you know the facts you will be able to make a more informed choice.

If it were me, and after talking it through, I still wasn't sure what to do.....I would probably continue to store them until you feel ready to make the decision. I understand there is cost involved, but if you aren't ready, then take the time you need.



PS - thanks again for your diary link, finished and loved it, thank you, it helped us out a lot.

 

[Sinead]

I think go with whatever your heart tells you to do xxx

 

[maybebaby]

HUGE

 

[Loula]

We already had to choose what to do and we haven't even started our IVF yet?!

We picked to donate them to someone - I wouldn't want them destroyed, research yes fair enough that's a good one too, but the only option we really would pick was donating.

 

[Tilly]

Don't know what to say, a very hard choice.. but

 

[FJL]

Wow Helen, that is a huge decision thats for sure.

I can't say as i'm not in your position, but we have discussed it briefly and for us, we would want them to go to research. Because at the end of the day, research and testing was what would've made it possible for us to have kids.

I think it takes very special people to become donors, be that sperm, egg or embryos. For us, we just couldn't do it. I know how much IF hurts and I will forever sympathise with anyone that has to go through this heart wrenching ordeal, but the thought of someone else having our biological child is just too much for us.

I wish you so much luck and support in making this decision Helen

 

[Wobbles]

Such a hard decision Helen *hugs*

I think (I say think as I have not been in your position) that I would either dontae for research as long as it was fertility research or donate to a couple longing for their own family.

I'm looking into donating after #2 think having walked the craving of wanting my own family I want to help those who can't carry on with their dreams without egg donation.

Good luck in whatever you guys decide x