Frustrated with Fiancé

[ShortBlonde]

Hi All,.
Just want to see if anyone else is in a similar situation to me and can offer any advice, because I'm feeling super frustrated.

I'm 27, fiance is 29. We own our own home and we both have jobs that pay reasonably well.
We've been together for 10 years and I've always made it very clear that I want children, and he has always said he wants kids too.
I've been really broody lately and said to him that I would like to start trying for a baby mid-2019. He acted like I'd walloped him in the head and was shocked that I revealed I wanted to start trying. He thinks we're both very young (would be 28 and 30 when a baby is born if all goes well and we don't have any trouble conceiving). He didn't have any valid excuse as to why we shouldn't start trying next year and wouldn't talk about the subject any further.
I just feel upset that I've invested so much time into our relationship and as childish as it sounds, it feels like he is depriving me of the family I want.

Please offer some advice ladies x

 

[Hickory]

Your frustration is very valid - hang in there!

From his perspective, yes, he wants kids and they exist in his life plan with you. However, it may not have been on his radar and may still have been something to get around to eventually. You have likely spent a lot of time thinking about it, planning a timeline in your mind, brooding, etc. You have had a lot of time to develop your feelings and adjust to them. He has not. So if you think about it this way ... as much of a shock as it is to you that he's not on the same page ... it was probably that much (or more!) of a shock to him that you're ready to pull the trigger!

I would give it a few days or weeks. Let him marinate on it without prodding for a while. Ask him in a few weeks if he has thought any about having kids and what timeline he envisions. Keep the conversations short and ask questions. He knows you want kids, so try to avoid being repetitious, as it could make him defensive.

My husband didn't want kids AT ALL and I agreed to this when we got married. He has a son from a previous marriage and I thought I would be cool without any of our own. It didn't take long for me to get broody and over time push him to the point of him telling me to leave him for someone who would give me children. I refused over and over, It was a roller coaster inside my head and heart for well over a year. We had a lot of hard conversations, but eventually he really warmed to the idea and we are expecting an "us" baby.

One of the things he said was that he felt betrayed and cornered. Keep in mind that your fiance could be experiencing some strong internal reactions that he needs to work through. Stay strong and optimistic! It will all work out just as it's supposed to!

 

[ShortBlonde]

Thanks so much for your reply. And congrats on your pregnancy! Glad to hear from someone that was in a similar-ish situation, gives me hope

I brought the baby subject up about a month ago and said I would like to be pregnant next Summer and he said 'Yep', so I left it at that and said to myself that I would bring it up again at a later date to see if we could make plans.
It was a few days ago when I brought this up to try and talk about it at bit more and that's when he acted very shocked.

I think I'll take your advice on board and leave it another month or so, and hopefully he has a think about it and doesn't just ignore it and hope it goes away.

 

[April Clarke]

Hello I'm April...I have been bleeding for the past month from October 12 to the 6th of November

 

[April Clarke]

I started provera on the 7th of November,I had sex on the 12 unprotected is it possible that I can be pregnant?

 

[justonemore31]

April Clarke you should make your own thread so everyone can see it.

 

[Shoemama]

I'm sorry you're feeling frustrated. After being patient and getting your ducks in a row, that must be a little maddening! I think you're doing all the right things. You brought it up a month ago. And then again a little later with a date in mind for TTC. Continue to gently bring up the subject when it feels right, and let him know how you feel. Careful not to say things like, "we need to" or "you SAID" or things like that. Just let him know that you feel ready to be a mother, and would like to try mid 2019. If he seems shocked, try to be understanding, but stay firm on how you feel and what you would like to see happen.

He will come around.