Frustrated with Midwife!

[theamanda]

Today DH and I noticed something. She doesn't even try to remember who I am. Every appointment, we wait in the exam room for 20 minutes while she chit chats with fellow midwives, then when she sees us, she asks us the same 6 questions, checks Heartbeat, fundal height, and then she's done. That's 10 minutes with us at the most. We drive 30 minutes to ger there, so that we can wait, and only be seen for a few minutes. And the 6 questions wouldn't bother me, if it weren't for the fact that some are things she should remember about me.
Are you going to breastfeed?
Are you in any classes?
Is the baby ok, moving? (like really, u tell me!)
Have you had any cramping/spotting?
Are you taking your prenatals?
Are you drinking/ eating like you're supposed to?

Checks heartbeat, fundal height, "ok see you in 2 weeks, take care."

For the past 2 appointments, she has brought up my GD test (which came back normal) not because something is wrong, but because she forgot that we already discussed it! Not to mention that at 28 weeks the first time she brought it up, she said it was at 70, and asked if I fasted (I didn't have to, and ate sardines that morning) and said because it is quite low. Well today, she brought it up again, and said it was at 66! Wth? And asked the same questions regarding it!

Is it me and my hormones, or is it normal that I feel like she is treating me like "one of the cattle in the herd"? I know they have alot to remember, but some of this should be in my notes, for her to read if she forgot....

To top it off, I'm starting to wonder if it's worth the $555 up front at the hospital I will have to spend for HER to deliver our son. We are starting to consider a home birth, JUST because of this reason. (well, and it would be nice to have a water birth, which my midwife won't do)... Am I crazy for feeling this way?

 

[MomPepperdine]

I know what u mean I have to drive over an hr to get there and everything I say goes in one ear and out the other

 

[fionar]

Are you going to breastfeed?
Are you in any classes?
Is the baby ok, moving? (like really, u tell me!)
Have you had any cramping/spotting?
Are you taking your prenatals?
Are you drinking/ eating like you're supposed to?

The breastfeeding question should probably not be getting asked at every appointment, but the other ones seem reasonable to me. She can tell you if baby's heart rate is good, but they want to know about movement and stuff like that, which they can't track at appointments. Same goes for the drinking/eating/prenatals/cramping/spotting - that's stuff they need to check in about every time.

That said, the care you're getting doesn't sound very personalized, and I'd be frustrated, too! My midwives are GREAT (I'm friends with two of them on Facebook, haha) and I feel very cared for and remembered every time I go in. I know they've got lots of patients, but some sort of effort should be made to make you feel at home and respected! How frustrating!

 

[SparkleUK]

Absolutly not!!
I have heard so any conflicting stories about Midwives!
Mine is personally wonderful and I enjoy my appointments with her so much, but one week she wasn't present as she was sick, and the replacement midwife was terrible!
She was pretty much as you are describing yours! Granted she knew nothing about me, but she didn't even take the time to ask! She was more interested in where I work and what discount I receive!!!
It made me so glad to have the midwife I have!!!
X

 

[b4baby]

All sounds normal to me tbh. I don't know how it is for your midwife as you pay but for me my midwife sees a lot of pregnant women over the weeks so I don't blame her for not remembering me. Where I am you have community midwives and then your hospital midwives so there was never any reason for me to bond with her.
The questions are what she should be asking at every appointment, apart from perhaps the breast feeding one!

 

[theamanda]

Thanks for all of the opinions ladies I feel a bit better now, but still thinking about doing the home birth now... DH was wanting to deliver our child from day one anyways (he helped deliver his daughter), and was disappointed to find out the hospital wouldn't let him... Whelp, time to go find some info on homebirthing to see if its "for me"! Thanks again ladies!

 

[ash211]

My doctor's been the same way lately, I understand she has a lot of patients but you can at least act like you know what's going on and remember me!

 

[gk1701]

All sounds totally normal to me and I know this won't be popular, but really, why do they need to remember you? I know people want the personal touch. At the end of the day it's what ever is going on with your cervix and the baby's position and heart that really counts on the big day....sorry

 

[theamanda]

Double post x

 

[theamanda]

All sounds totally normal to me and I know this won't be popular, but really, why do they need to remember you? I know people want the personal touch. At the end of the day it's what ever is going on with your cervix and the baby's position and heart that really counts on the big day....sorry

I see what you're saying. My issue is, this is a small office, so she doesn't have a massive amount of patients.. It just gets a bit redundant, being asked if Im going to breastfeed by the same woman. She has asked me 4 times and that's just recently.. I also had a bad bleeding episode at 24 weeks, which she told me it was nothing to be concerned about (and im talking POOL of blood) after which, I went to the ER anyways because I was astounded in her lack of concern in such a massive bleeding.... And at my 26 week appointment, she hadn't even recorded it in my notes, so she didn't even remember that it happened until I asked her about it. She told me at 24 weeks that at that appt she would follow up with me on it.

And finally, at my 22 week appointment, she told me I wasn't gaining enough weight, and I needed to gain at least 4 lbs by my next appointment. By my next appointment, I had only gained 3. She looked at my weight written down by the other lady (that checks weight and BP), and said, well your definitely gaining weight, that's for sure! as if she hadn't made the comment at my previous appointment... It is just a bit peculiar. It feels like I have a different MW each time, but it's definitely the same lady lol. She is sweet and not rude in any way, I just don't feel like a person to her. I feel like a number. And I'm just a bit concerned on how that will play out when she delivers my baby.
I am paying this massive amount of money to see her, even with insurance, and for her to deliver him. I guess my question is, is she worth all this extra money to see her, when I could be seen by a different obgyn, for less money, that will actually remember who I am? I had an obgyn that remembered me, after only seeing me twice. And I switched, because this Obgyn is supposedly "better" when I got pregnant. Maybe that wasn't such a good idea... lol

 

[Nicola27]

aw i know this can be frustrating. My mw is great for the most part - she knows who I am and even asked whether i felt my face was swelling as she said it was a bit chunkier then the previous appointment (it wasn't, I'm just putting on too much weight!) but I have at times felt like I'm repeating myself a lot, i.e. she asks me if i know what i'm having most weeks. To be honest I understand why she forgets because she must see so many women every week, but it really is the way they go about it that's important. If you're picking up negative/uncaring vibes from her than that's not good on her part and I wouldn't be happy to pay for her "care"

x

 

[theamanda]

aw i know this can be frustrating. My mw is great for the most part - she knows who I am and even asked whether i felt my face was swelling as she said it was a bit chunkier then the previous appointment (it wasn't, I'm just putting on too much weight!) but I have at times felt like I'm repeating myself a lot, i.e. she asks me if i know what i'm having most weeks. To be honest I understand why she forgets because she must see so many women every week, but it really is the way they go about it that's important. If you're picking up negative/uncaring vibes from her than that's not good on her part and I wouldn't be happy to pay for her "care"

x

This made me feel a million times better. It's nice to know that midwives can "remember" you and forget some details... I agree, that as long as she takes care of my baby, THATS what matters, I guess that hormones just had me asking "what if"s. Like if she doesn't remember me, how will she do with my little boy? Typical first time mom worries... Lol Oh well...

 

[Whatme]

Mine asks me the same questions every time is I see her, I never have any questions for her, so I pretty much am just at my apps for 15 mins, if your low risk there's not much she can do, but I'd say if I was paying for her care I would make sure I was happy, but as long as she's polite and answers your questions if you have any, then I can't see a problem?

In the uk we have no idea who will be delivering our babies on the nhs, it's pot luck if you get someone you like! So that respect if you have a choice who delivers your baby make sure you get someone your happy with.

 

[Blzgak]

I can understand how you are feeling. I have to go to a military hospital because my DH is in the Army. I am not guaranteed to see the same OB or midwife every time and I have no clue who will be delivering my baby. It's scary, and I wish that I would have prepared a little more so that I could have a home birth with a midwife that I was comfortable with and trusted.

I think that this is your birth and you should do whatever makes you happy and comfortable! If you don't feel like your midwife is the right fit, then maybe finding a different midwife who will do a home birth might be something to look into. This is your experience that you will have to cherish for the rest of your life, so why not find someone you trust and feel comfortable with?

 

[DLA]

Nope I don't think you're being unreasonable. I got to a practice with 5 OBGYNs and not that I expect them to remember everything about my pregnancy off the top of their head, but their bedside manor is great. They ask me how I'm feeling, if I have any concerns etc. I know they quickly review my chart before they come in the room (as most good doctors do).
Are you able to go to a different midwife? It certainly won't hurt to look into your homebirth options (or any other options) that you have, if that's something you're interested in.

 

[gk1701]

Mine asks me the same questions every time is I see her, I never have any questions for her, so I pretty much am just at my apps for 15 mins, if your low risk there's not much she can do, but I'd say if I was paying for her care I would make sure I was happy, but as long as she's polite and answers your questions if you have any, then I can't see a problem?

In the uk we have no idea who will be delivering our babies on the nhs, it's pot luck if you get someone you like! So that respect if you have a choice who delivers your baby make sure you get someone your happy with.

I had a doula at my last birth that I had major misgivings about before I went into labor. If your gut is telling you that you're not comfortable with her or she irritates you, then go with someone else. It sucks to have regrets. Midwives aren't really there much for the labor process unless it's a home birth, they come in towards the end but if she's going to annoy you, then pick someone else. Also, the lack of concern about the bleeding and poor note taking would trouble me way more than not remembering much about me.