Frustration

[plutosblue]

Hi guys, just having a little rant but do you ever feel like you are being walked over?

Whenever I seem to be having a good day I get people asking me to swap shifts at work, borrow my car etc etc its frustrating

To cut a long story short my SIL always asks to borrow my car, but she isn't insured on anything (and has written off 3 cars, red light right there.)

I loaned it to her once to use for a day as her friends father was on his last legs and they desperatly needed help to get to the hospital, since that day shes asked if she can borrow it quite a few times, and I feel frustrated, I have started to say no, but then I feel bad for saying no, but would you lend your car out to someone who is not insured and drives like a nutter? Or am I being mean?

And then there is a girl at work who wants to swap shifts, I don't mind swapping shifts I mean I have asked her a couple times, but it seems like every month she is asking me to swap now, and its starting to get frustrating, I know I always get the day back the week after, but I like my days off as they stand, and I know I am not the only one who is on that shift pattern, just seems like I am badgered into it because I am her friend. (She is being my bridesmaid).

I feel like a scrooge but I don't want to be walked over What would you guys do? Am I being unreasonable?

Thankyou for listening

 

[Webbykinskt]

Hi guys, just having a little rant but do you ever feel like you are being walked over?

Whenever I seem to be having a good day I get people asking me to swap shifts at work, borrow my car etc etc its frustrating

To cut a long story short my SIL always asks to borrow my car, but she isn't insured on anything (and has written off 3 cars, red light right there.)

I loaned it to her once to use for a day as her friends father was on his last legs and they desperatly needed help to get to the hospital, since that day shes asked if she can borrow it quite a few times, and I feel frustrated, I have started to say no, but then I feel bad for saying no, but would you lend your car out to someone who is not insured and drives like a nutter? Or am I being mean?

And then there is a girl at work who wants to swap shifts, I don't mind swapping shifts I mean I have asked her a couple times, but it seems like every month she is asking me to swap now, and its starting to get frustrating, I know I always get the day back the week after, but I like my days off as they stand, and I know I am not the only one who is on that shift pattern, just seems like I am badgered into it because I am her friend. (She is being my bridesmaid).

I feel like a scrooge but I don't want to be walked over What would you guys do? Am I being unreasonable?

Thankyou for listening

1 - No you're not being mean for not lending your car. Fair enough when her dad needed to go to hospital, but if she isn't insured and has crashed, that could get YOU into trouble as well as her. If you knowingly lent her your car, you can get prosecuted I think.

2 - No you're not being mean for not swapping shifts. If you don't wanna do it, you don't have to. Just tell her you've already made plans for that day. It's what I do when I need to let a friend down nicely. We all have to be a little selfish to get somewhere in life.

Have a good day xx

 

[plutosblue]

Thanks Webby, I didn't know I could get prosecuted, eeep then thats a definate no no !

 

[fuffyburra]

Yeah you can get prosecuted me thinks, and it seems unreasonable to ask to borrow someone elses car so frequently, tell her to get her own! lol and I sometimes say I have plans, or I'm already out because I don't wanna get walked over. I mean, still swap a couple of shifts but I agree with Webbyins, you gotta be selfish!

 

[plutosblue]

Thanks fluffy, yeah I just told her straight that she can't borrow it as she isn't insured and I can't afford a new car if she goes and smashes it, she gave me a "ok then....." but I stood my ground. And I could rant and rave for hours about why she doesn't have a car but I wont since it only gets me riled up.

I said I could swap one shift (my early for her late) since I don't mind lates, they seem to go faster for me, but she wants my Saturday and I'm like I'm already swapping one shift what more do you want, she says she is desperate and she will even pay me but I think well if you need that day so badly then why didn't you book it off?

 

[plutosblue]

Update:: OK I am now getting phone calls from said friend begging to swap shifts and texts coming out of my eyeballs, but I do have plans on the Saturday she wants, my mum was coming so we could sort the wedding invites, I wanted to go look with MIL about the flowers and in the afternoon we have a lunch thing to go to. She said she asked for it back in January and I'm sure I did say yes but now I have plans since she never reminded me about it. Plus like I said I am already swapping one shift.

arrrrrrg!

 

[Bmary83]

Update:: OK I am now getting phone calls from said friend begging to swap shifts and texts coming out of my eyeballs, but I do have plans on the Saturday she wants, my mum was coming so we could sort the wedding invites, I wanted to go look with MIL about the flowers and in the afternoon we have a lunch thing to go to. She said she asked for it back in January and I'm sure I did say yes but now I have plans since she never reminded me about it. Plus like I said I am already swapping one shift.

arrrrrrg!

"
Maybe as a compromise swap this "ONE" shift and then gently say that this is the last time, you've got other priorities right now but any other time, so long as it's for a good reason i.e wedding planning with the inlaws, u'll be happy to return the favour in the future.

Sorry can't be of more help, I'm usually a bit of a wimp when it comes to this kind of thing as well but as you've got a good reason, a wedding is stressing enough keeping family happy never mind the friends (or so i'm told.)

x

 

[GirlBlue]

I think people (particularly borrowers) are like streams of water...they fit in wherever they can get in. In other words if you cut off access they will usually divert in some other direction and go make a puddle somewhere else. I'm the same way, I am learning how to take the simple approach. No bartering. If you've got plans then you can't switch. So just say, sorry I can't do it this time. If I didn't have plans, maybe, I'm sorry I forgot, but I have plans. It's either her plans or yours and, well, as its your time, your plans get priority, especially if hers aren't an emergency. YOU are the only one in control of what you do with your time. You don't owe anyone a I can't do it this time but maybe next time. Cause then you are giving them future possessory right on your time.