Frustrations as a childcare worker

[Linden]

Not having children of my own (yet) gets me a lot of "You're not a parent. You wouldn't know." attitude from a lot of mothers. So for starters I put this in general instead of a Parenting/Babies section.


1. As above: "You're not a parent. You wouldn't know."
No. A lot of us aren't mothers, yet we know and have instincts the same as mothers. Working with the babies and small toddlers has given me a real "mothers instinct" when it comes to children. There are some things we don't know... and others you'd be surprised.


2. It's not my son/daughters fault s/he has accidents at daycare. You must not be taking them to the toilet enough.
-facepalm- Toileting. The worst stage of care. I'm only new (worked less than 6 months in the 2-3 age group) but dear god it's a strain. You have no idea how many parents think "Oh, my child is 3 now. Better put them in undies and they'll be toilet trained."
NO! You need to take steps to having a toilet trained child. Firstly, ARE THEY INTERESTED? I swear many parents think it's an age thing. It's not! It's about interest. If your child indicates they want to go to the toilet, then sit them on it. If they do something, encourage and reward. If they just sit there admiring the view, let them. It's all part of getting used to the toilet.
So, you got the first step. Asking if they want to sit on the toilet and things have been going well... TIME FOR UNDIES NOW?

No.

This is when pull-ups are great. You can monitor when they are going and if they are asking to go. Check how often they are having accidents. Treat them like undies. Clean and get a fresh pair on if they have an accident.

Don't expect your childcare to toilet train your kid. In my centre I have 20 children per day in the room. And I don't want to tell them every 15/30 minutes to use the toilet because their parent sends them to care in underwear in hopes "it'll get better over time."

So, if you're at that toileting stage. Don't be afraid to go back to square one. It will get better over time, but it's not our job to do it for you.

Also. On that note. If your child is toileting but refuses to do number 2s in the toilet. Don't keep them in undies. IT MAKES US GAG!


3. My child has been bitten! WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS HORRENDOUS CRIME?
What I want to say: Get over it.

2 year olds bite. They don't have the social skills to get what they want and will use their teeth... If your child has been bitten there's a 60% chance your child has taken something off the biter or has someway been involved. Not saying this is all cases. But most. Legally we can not let you know who the biter is. It could be your child's best friend. But we can't tell you. If you hear of a specific child biter from your friends/older children. It might not be them. Normally we have quite a few children who will bite. EVEN YOUR OWN.

p.s. Being bitten is not going to make your child into a "biter". It's something a lot of children do, it's not contagious.


4. My child has never bitten me! How dare you say that s/he bit someone!
Doesn't need to be you. But we aren't going to lie. This may not even be the first time. Since we normally only tell parents their child is biting if it's becoming a regular thing and we need help from parents. Children biting isn't the end of the world. It doesn't make your child a bully. And it's rarely EVER the biggest child biting. Normally it's the small child who can't express themselves through words. Your child is precious to you but it's a natural thing for children to bite. Support us with helping curve the biting habit.


5. I'm not moving my child to the next room in case of biting.
We had so many lovely children in our nursery unit stay in that room until they were almost 2 because of this one line. There are 'biters' in every room. Your child just might be one of the few that doesn't interact with that child though. If you keep your child back, it's not going to help them.


6. Sneaking around.
If you plan to come down for regular visits and your centre allows this in their policy, then by all means. If you plan on sneaking around the windows because your child gets upset when you come to visit.... well that's another story. If you are worried/ want to know how your child's day is... CALL US. Or actually come into the room and be with your child. Don't sneak around and hope your child doesn't see. It's not going to help either if you run off once they see you and start crying... Seriously. I had a parent who did that.


7. My child is always upset when I come in. What have you done?
They are most likely happy to see you. If your child was upset for long periods of time we'd call you. Mostly they are sad to see you go and happy to see you back... and as a baby it's hard to express those emotions without crying.


8. My child learnt a 'naughty' word from care.
We had a case were a child started saying the word "fuck" to her parents. The mother instantly blamed the carers in the room... turns out it was dad who said it to her. In any case. Children are going to learn words. It's how you deal with how they say it that matters.


Anyway. That's all I can think of right now... Mostly wanted to get the toileting thing off my chest. The 2-3 year old group is not my ideal age group to tell you the truth. But there are a lot of things I remember from my years in nursery.

Actually told my OH (who works in the same childcare as me) that we need to make a list of horrible parent complaints and suggestions for when we put our kid in care.

 

[JASMAK]

As a mother of three, I can honestly say that yes, I am sure there are things mothers (and fathers) do/say at your childcare that you, as a worker, may not understand. But, listen...we are not BORN with children. I thought things EXACTLY like you before I had kids (I worked with children, teaching), and I had all the answers in the world. I was the best parent in the world before I had kids. I knew it all. I knew what everyone was doing wrong and how it SHOULD be. Then I had my own child, and realized I knew nothng. Having a baby taught me unconditional love, having a toddler taught me patience, have a school-aged child taught me to listen, and having a child with special needs taught me not to judge others. Childcare IS hard...but, this post made me LOL... I am thrilled you are pregnant...I think you are going to learn lots.

 

[MommaAlexis]

I like this! Hehe.

 

[MikaylasMummy]

I agree with JASMAK.you will most likely feel differently on some of those points when you are a "real" parent

 

[Baby France]

Hmmm....I can't wait til you become a parent either. I think you will learn quite a lot too and see if from a completely different perspective too. I know I *thought* I was going to be the perfect mother and thought it was much easier than what it is...and I work with young people too....I dread when my two become the age I work with. Its going to learn me a whole different ball game!!!

 

[Baby France]

The more I've thought about this thread the more annoyed I've got.

Do you realise that parents trust you implicity to look after someone that is sooo precious to them? Someone that at times - they don't even trust their own flesh and blood to look after?

Do you know how it feels when you're child has been accident free in regards to the nappy for more than 5 days and then goes to nursery to find out that they've had an accident. That your nursery nurse for a while has seemingly (to me) been understanding and now I wonder whether they think the same as you.

And so what if we want to drop in and visit - isn't that our right as a parent to make sure that our child is being looked after properly?

I can appreciate your frustrations about the possibility of parents wanting to protect their children - but I think that you are being insensitive and a bit rude personally.

Especially venting your rant and frustrations on a forum full of mummys who have had the same worries/concerns.

 

[Liesje]

I'll admit I do get a little annoyed when I hear people with no kids give me all the answers (like that super nanny lady, of course children will act differently towards a stranger than their parents), but then I don't have any experience being a childcare worker either and figure it's a lot different than parenting your own kids.
As long as my child isn't being willfully neglected or abused I'll understand if he gets bitten once or twice, just like my dogs at the dog park.

 

[Baby France]

I do think that maybe you are right Liesje...maybe its the fact that someone with ALL the answers is someone who hasn't got a child herself yet that bugs me on how she can be so presumptious in her answers that every PARENT thinks like that?

AND I know for a fact that pull ups are crap. My children learnt much better with real pants on and when I took the advice of others for the pullups - it made them take a step back as IMO they feel like a real nappy and both of mine carried using it like a nappy, whereas using proper pants they seemed more aware of their toileting needs.

 

[fidgets mammy]

right im going to play devils advocate. i am a nursery nurse of 13yrs!!!!! i have worked with all ages up to 5. i hate to say it but yr in for a big shock. i havent even read anyone elses replies. i was sooo annoyed by yr post i had to stick up for mums and nursery nurses.
do u realise your looking after peoples pride and joy????
i thought i knew what the parents felt like but not once did i undermine their right as a parent.
and i was also very wrong, it titally changes when u have yr own. and u know what? im a clingy mother who the nursery staff would dread.

yes sometimes parents can be a bit much but when they hand u their most treasured possession to look after they expect 110% from you. that includes respect. it breaks mums hearts to leave them. i always encourage mums and dads to ring as muxh as they want to to check on them. ive actually left the job due to not bein able to afford the childcare for the twins and the thought of leaving them with anyone with that attitude upsets me anyway.

i really hope u learn from this and realise how wrong u were.

very sorry if this has offended anyone.

 

[fidgets mammy]

and for the record any knowledgable experienced nursery nurse advises against pull ups as the siak in wee like nappies therefore teach the child nothin. and biting is a big deal to the parent whos child has bn bitten and the parent of the child who did the bite is usyally devastated by it.