FTM Freaking Out A Bit

[SweetPea3200]

I'm only 13 weeks pregnant but I'm already starting to stress about labour and birth. I've heard so many horror stories about medical interventions and I really want to avoid all of that. Is it even realistic for me to hope I'll be able to do this all naturally? I'm seeing a Doctor, not a mid-wife, which I'm just more comfortable with for my first baby. I really want to avoid assisted delivery or a C-section. I'm worried that one of these will happen and I'll feel traumatized by the whole experience. Any advice?

 

[Button#]

It might be worth you looking into hypnobirthing. It could help you get into a positive mindset for labour. There are lots of things you can do to try and avoid interventions and c sections but if it does come down to needing help then it really isn't that bad. I ended up with ventouse and episiotamy with my first and it was absolutely fine. The first thing I would recommend though is to stop reading the horror stories. Only read birth stories labelled as positive and only read factual information about c sections and interventions if you want to find out about them. Remember a lot of women go on to have more children so it can't be that bad. I'm actually looking forward to labour this time.

Also remember whoever is going to be there when you deliver your baby, Dr, midwife, birthing partners, your body is your own and you have the right to make any decisions about it. Don't let anyone push you into anything for the sake of convenience.

 

[rapunzel87]

Omg me too! Also a FTM. I actually didn't think of labor and childbirth during the first two trimesters, just chose to live in blissful ignorance haha. However, I am 37 weeks now :/ And hyperventilating.. a tad bit.. ok,a lot!! Yikes!

 

[SweetPea3200]

I do like the idea of reading positive stories!! My SIL said it's hard to talk to people because some act like the whole thing is no big deal and others make it sound WAY to dramatic. You just have to find someone who has the right balance I guess. I haven't heard a lot about hypnobirthing. Will have to google it!

 

[HoneyBee144]

Definitely recommend hypnobirthing and also maybe read about using mindfulness techniques during labour?

It is about having a balance, chances are labour is going to hurt and push you to your limit and there will be moments when you feel like you can't do it...but you can. Trust your body, breathe and remember it won't last forever. All that pain has a purpose, it is helping to move your baby to the right position and eventually be born. If you do need medical intervention then make sure its because that is what is best for you and baby and not just easiest for them, as long as you feel comfortable with it then its ok but like button said it is your body and speak up if you don't understand anything or feel right about something.

It took me a long time to come to terms with how my first labour went (4 days of contractions, no progress from 4cm dilated, had to go on a drip and suffered a 3rd degree tear) but now I realise there was a reason it all happened, my body was doing what it needed to...I just didn't know it! Speak to your doctor, research the biology and science behind birth, help yourself understand but ultimately as long as baby and you are both safe that's what counts afterwards.

 

[Delphine11]

I recommend hypnobirthing too. I have a book balled Mindful Hypnobirthing and I really found it calming to read.

This isn't my first baby, but I think most women feel slightly nervous about birth simply because you don't know what'll happen. When will labour start? How long will it last, etc?

I'm definitely not a fan of medical interventions but it's good to know they're there in the unlikely event they're needed. I think there are three reasons when intervention is needed:

1) if the woman lacks confidence and is eaten up by fear ( I had a friend like that and I just knew she'd end up having an intervention, even though actually she could have given birth naturally if she'd remained calm and confident)

2) if one intervention leads to others eg, if you have an epidural, the figures say you're 50% more likely to need intervention.

3) if there's a medical reason.


You can hopefully avoid the first two of those and the 3rd reason is a good one so nothing to worry about.

Your attitude towards birth counts for a lot. Your body is made to do this and you should be confident in your ability. There's no reason why you can't have a natural birth. The births we see on TV are the extreme versions. Childbirth can be natural and stress-free. Don't let the extreme births make you think it has to be like that. We hear the drama but we don't hear from the thousand and thousands of women who have peaceful, uneventful births.

Be confident in your abilities

 

[slongson]

You will be fine. A woman's body is made to birth children, not gonna lie it hurts like hell but it's not as bad as some people make out to be I'm 23 weeks with my 4th. Do your research, attend your antenatal classes see what options your hospital/maternity unit offers you and you'll be more than prepared. Be open to pain medication and try to see it as a good experience, have a good relaxed birth partner and remeber its the day you meet your baby. I've only had gas and air with my labours but am open to other pain relief if I need it xx

 

[Bumblebeee]

This is probably not going to be of any use to you but when you're in labour, you're unlikely to give a monkeys what they do to you as long as your baby arrives safely. I had my daughter in a midwife led birthing centre with no doctors present, I really did not want to go to a hospital since my father had passed away at our local hospital and I had nothing but traumatic memories from the place, but she got stressed after being stuck in the birthing canal for an hour and when they told me I needed an emergency C-section and would need to go to that hospital, I agreed no problem. I was very lucky though, just as they were prepping me to go, one of the more experienced midwives came in to the room, did a bit of pushing and pulling with my legs and out she came! When the moment came when I knew that my baby was in trouble, I would have done anything to get her out safely. I can't lie, labour is painful but my body just sort of took over my mind and it knew what to do. Sometimes in life medical intervention is necessary, and it is so much better to have it than think of the alternative x

 

[HopefulEm]

I had an all natural birth with no pain relief except my own breathing and movement the first go around. I took an active birthing class during pregnancy to learn how to move and breath, which I totally recommend.

Really that, and just trusting in the process is what I think helped me get through. I also recommend reading "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth", because it has a lot of positive birthing stories in it.

I hope it goes well for you. I think the most important thing, whichever way your birth ends up going, is that you feel in control of what happens. Listen to your instincts, and have someone there who can stand up for you if you can.

 

[SweetPea3200]

Thanks for all the help an advice! I think I'm a little bit more calm about it today. Hypnobirthing sounds really interesting and I'll feel confident to ask questions and make sure I understand what's going on with me. Don't get me wrong, if medical intervention is needed, I'm all for it. I'm basically just looking for what I can do to help decrease the chance of needing it I'm sure it will work out great!

 

[jeoestreich]

I completely winged my labor but I did go into labor six weeks early. I was transferred from my local hospital to one of the hospitals in Twin Cities because Delilah was early. The doctor there was pushing me to have an epidural but you have to stick to your guns. I told him no and I kept telling him no until he got the point. I did end up giving birth to her naturally which is what I want to do. With this pregnancy, my doctor is totally on board with me doing it naturally and even recommended that I use the whirlpool tub during my labor. So I would talk to your doctor about what you want your birth plan to be and if you have time take a class. Also talk to your partner so they have your back and know what you want.

 

[MindUtopia]

Don't be! Birth can be a wonderful experience, if you are able to stay relaxed and prepare for it to be a positive thing. I can't recommend enough doing some sort of hypnotherapy practice during your pregnancy to help deal with any anxiety you have. Fears about birth will lead to pain during birth, so the best thing you can do is to teach yourself how to be relaxed. I know you said you're more comfortable using an OB, but I can't stress how beneficial it is to have a midwife if you want a natural birth. I never saw a single doctor my whole pregnancy, not even for something unrelated to pregnancy or birth, just my midwife. Doctors are trained to deal with pathology and abnormality. They aren't trained to deal with normality, and in fact, they often see very few natural births, so a midwife can be an excellent source of support for a natural birth. That said, I had a great, very positive, barely painful natural home birth for my first. I used just a TENS and hypnotherapy and it really wasn't painful. There were moments of pain (the one cervical check I allowed them to do was the most painful part!) and my husband said I said 'ouch!' when my daughter crowned. But overall it was really manageable. It was intense and tiring - I was squatting on and off for four hours. My legs got so tired! But really doable. Anyone really can have a positive natural birth experience, assuming a healthy and uncomplicated pregnancy. It just takes preparation and believing in your body. My birth story is in my signature if you'd like to read it. I found reading positive birth stories really helped me to prepare.

 

[SweetPea3200]

I LOVED your birth story!!! What an awesome experience. I'm definitely not confident enough to attempt the first one at home but it's so cool that you did! I do really want to labour at home as long as I can though. Thanks so much for sharing!

 

[Kassy]

I tried to have a homebirth but my dd was stuck. I ended up going to hospital to be assisted with ventouse. It went very well and I was home three hours later.

I do fear csections however as I know two people who nearly died from blood poisoning.

 

[Feronia]

If you're dedicated to not wanting interventions, you're far less likely to have them under the care of a midwife -- and Canadian midwives are amazing! If you're low-risk, then having a midwife is no less safe than having an OB and you're more likely to be respected in your wishes and have an empowering, natural birth without interventions. That's not to say that all doctors and OBs are bad and intervention heavy, it's just harder to find ones. Canadian midwives will see you for 45 minutes to an hour every appointment and have a wealth of knowledge.

I've had two home births under the care of midwives and they have been the BEST experiences -- not painful, just wonderful and empowering. All midwives in Canada offer hospital births too though. I had my last birth a week ago and my midwife even brought me a homemade meal the next day. It really is highly personalized care, you can't go wrong with it!

Others have offered great suggestions with Hypnobirthing/ Hypnobabies. I've used both, and they really help you feel confident in your body to know what it's doing. I have a link to both birth stories in my sig.

 

[mummytobe_93]

I honestly think its one of those things you have to go through. Sorry to say but no one can tell you if you'll need intervention or not, but if you do its pretty common and it most likely won't cause you any psychological trauma at all.
Nothing can really prepare you for birth but I would say read up about the different stages and what to expect and don't be too worried. You can't change the inevitable in the future and I'm sure it won't be as scary as you think it will be. And remember what you get out of it in the end. It's worth it a million times over and it's true what they say you forget all the pain as soon as hou hold your baby in your arms z

 

[ParisJeTadore]

I do like the idea of reading positive stories!! My SIL said it's hard to talk to people because some act like the whole thing is no big deal and others make it sound WAY to dramatic. You just have to find someone who has the right balance I guess. I haven't heard a lot about hypnobirthing. Will have to google it!

I've noticed that birth stories are just as varied as the people who tell them. There are so many factors that come into play and affect your birth. Like everyone else here I highly recommend hypnobirthing. I am someone who suffers from anxiety and it was fantastic for me! A natural, positive birth is totally possible in a hospital setting but I couldn't have done it without my natal hypnotherapy program-definitely worth extra prep and effort!

 

[SweetPea3200]

For those of you that did hynobirthing, did you take a course or an online course? There aren't any courses offered in my town but I do have the ability to take it online, and it's far cheaper! I'm just wondering if I'll be missing out on something.

 

[Feronia]

I read the HypnoBirthing book and listened to the CD that came with it. Self study can work well if you start early enough and stick with it.

 

[ParisJeTadore]

I bought the natal hypnotherapy cd for hospital prep by Maggie Howell and the workbook let to go with it. Cost me hardly anything but can't sing its praises enough. I couldn't afford to take classes so it was the only option I had. I bought online from UK book depository and they have free world wide shipping which is a bonus!