Full Custody?

[Burchy314]

FOB is offering to sign over all of his right to our daughter. So I'm just wondering how do we go about that? How much will it cost? Is it a difficult process or does he just go sign papers and that's it? Oh and if he does this do I still need his permission to change her last name to my last name is I so choose to?

 

[AbbynChloe]

Hiya - I'm sorry i don't have any advice - I am sure the process is very different between here and the US!

Hope someone can offer you some advice xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[aliss]

FOB is offering to sign over all of his right to our daughter. So I'm just wondering how do we go about that? How much will it cost? Is it a difficult process or does he just go sign papers and that's it? Oh and if he does this do I still need his permission to change her last name to my last name is I so choose to?

Hi Burchy,

I would recommend speaking with an attorney to understand the legal processes that you are thinking about.

In MD (and all US states), you cannot just sign over "all rights". If you were re-married for a certain period of time and FOB agreed to a step-parent adoption then yes, he could, but the state requires the child to maintain both parents. Legally, your child will still have a father and he will maintain his constitutional rights (which means in the event of your death he can argue for custody) until she is adopted by another man. However, him being her legal father does not mean that he needs to be in her life (unless you seek public assistance/welfare - then the state will go after him for child support).

He could remain an NCP (non-custodial parent) and refuse to exercise his visitiation, or refuse to pay child support (which you could either go after him for it or not, that's your choice), but that's the extent of it.

Parental rights are only terminated over a legal adoption OR if the courts terminate it for serious cause (ie. convicted of child negligence, etc.).

Hope that helps.

 

[aliss]

Just to elaborate,

As an unmarried mother (I assume), you automatically have full custody of the child. The father must establish paternity and seek custody through the courts (any visitation before then is just out of your own graciousness), so you have, by default, full custody.

In MD, there is a possibility of terminating parental rights based on long-term abandonment/failure to maintain contact or support but I believe that requires years to establish.

Here is some further reading for you.
https://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/groundtermin.cfm

 

[Burchy314]

So her father can't just decide to come take her? Like if he came to visit her and tried to leave with her without my permission it is illegal because we have never been married? Because he always tell me that he can come take her from me and the cops can't do anything about it. If me and FOB stay broken up (we are trying to work things out) then I don't want him to have anything more then surprivised visits. I don't want him to have her over night because he litterally does NOT wake up to ANYTHING! Our daughter could be laying on his face crying and somehow he will still sleep through it.

 

[aliss]

So her father can't just decide to come take her? Like if he came to visit her and tried to leave with her without my permission it is illegal because we have never been married? Because he always tell me that he can come take her from me and the cops can't do anything about it. If me and FOB stay broken up (we are trying to work things out) then I don't want him to have anything more then surprivised visits. I don't want him to have her over night because he litterally does NOT wake up to ANYTHING! Our daughter could be laying on his face crying and somehow he will still sleep through it.

Yes. If there is no court-established paternity and custody/visitation then he has no legal right to show up and take her.

However - you mentioned you are trying to work things out. He can easily use this against you in court and the court will order visitation at a minimum. If you are trying to work things out with him as a couple, then you are telling the court that he is a perfectly suitable father.

Supervised visitation will not be granted unless there is what the court perceives to be a real reason (ie. police records of drug abuse in the child's presence). The sleep reason is not a valid reason in court unless he has a medically documented sleep disorder that will impair his ability to care for the child.

Again, you need to speak with a lawyer because you are sort of shooting yourself in the foot here - either he is an unsuitable father who is not in her life at all, or he is a father in her life and will gain visitation. You can't decide that he's not good enough while staying with him - the courts do not work that way. You have to make a decision and stick with it.

For all purposes, if he establishes paternity in the court and seeks visitation, he will get it. You do not have any legally valid reason to prevent it and you do not have any grounds for supervised visitation (unless there is more to it - that you have legally or medically documented that directly endangers the child).

I hope that helps. It's a complicated process but he does have the constitutional right to his child. I'm really confused by the working it out thing - this isn't going to make you look like you are actually concerned about his ability to care for her at all. You need to re-evaluate how important you think sole custody/no visitation really is.

 

[Burchy314]

Well he is a good father when he is with me. But when we broke up he became homeless, jobless, he has no car, nothing. And he started drinking and smoking again. It's like he is two different people. With me he is a good father, without me he has no care in the world and doesn't care if he dies or goes to jail. It's all really confusing. Right now when I say we are "working things out" I mean we are on good terms, we are able to talk about Jayden and other things with out fighting. He wants to be back with me, but I'm not sure if I want to be with him so I figured I would give him this chance so that he will stop threatening me with taking her. Like I said it's all really confusing. He has said that he wouldn't ever try to take her for overnight visits because he knows that's unsafe, but when he's angry he forgets that.

 

[aliss]

Well he is a good father when he is with me. But when we broke up he became homeless, jobless, he has no car, nothing. And he started drinking and smoking again. It's like he is two different people. With me he is a good father, without me he has no care in the world and doesn't care if he dies or goes to jail. It's all really confusing. Right now when I say we are "working things out" I mean we are on good terms, we are able to talk about Jayden and other things with out fighting. He wants to be back with me, but I'm not sure if I want to be with him so I figured I would give him this chance so that he will stop threatening me with taking her. Like I said it's all really confusing. He has said that he wouldn't ever try to take her for overnight visits because he knows that's unsafe, but when he's angry he forgets that.

Only you can make that decision But if you make attempts to get back together with him, it is 100% certain that he will get visitation unsupervised if he seeks it. And TBH, even if you don't, he will get it - if he fights for it. No, an actual homeless person generally does not get visitation but is he sleeping in a cardboard box or couch surfing? Because if he is sleeping in someone's house then that is fine. Jobless, no car, doesn't matter (although he would be imputed minimum wage for child support payments). Drinking and smoking is not illegal and unless it has been proven to be a danger to her (ie. him arrested for DWI while she was in the car with him) then that cannot be used against him.

Now, that would mean he would need to get a lawyer and petition the courts (he could try it pro-se but that is very hard, which means do it by himself). If he's not bothered with that, then it's best to just let sleeping dogs lie, iykwim? He has no rights in the eyes of the court at this moment, as you are unmarried without paternity/custody established in the court. So he is bluffing for now - unless he files with the courts.

Good luck!

 

[Burchy314]

Ok thanks for your help. I hope to be talking to my moms lawyer soon. She said she would, but she hasn't so I'm either going to make her or make her give me his number. But it makes me feel a lot better knowing that he can't just come and take her.