Funny reply from Inland Revenue (yes, you read that right)

Discussion in 'General Chatter' started by Jody R, Jan 31, 2011.

  1. Jody R

    Jody R Well-Known Member

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    Apparently, this is a real reply from the Inland Revenue.
    The Guardian newspaper had to ask for special permission to print it.


    Dear Mr Addison,

    I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply to our latest communication, and also to answer some of the points you raise.

    I will address them, as ever, in order.

    Firstly, I must take issue with your description of our last as a "begging letter". It might perhaps more properly be referred to as a "tax demand".
    This is how we at the Inland Revenue have always, for reasons of accuracy,
    traditionally referred to such documents.

    Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the "endless stream of crapulent whining and panhandling vomited daily through the letterbox on to the doormat" has been noted. However, whilst I have naturally not seen the other letters to which you refer I wouldcautiously suggest that their being from "pauper councils, Lombardy pirate banking houses and pissant gas-mongerers" might indicate that your decision to "file them next to
    the toilet in case of emergencies" is at best a little ill-advised.

    In common with my own organisation, it is unlikely that the senders of these letters do see you as a "lackwit bumpkin" or, come to that, a "sodding charity". More likely they see you as a citizen of Great Britain, with a responsibility to contribute to the upkeep of the nation as a whole.

    Which brings me to my next point.

    Whilst there may be some spirit of truth in your assertion that the taxes you pay "go to shore up the canker-blighted, toppling folly that is the Public Services", a moment's rudimentary calculation ought to disabuse you of the notion that the government in any way expects you to "stump up for the whole damned party" yourself. The estimates you provide for the Chancellor's disbursement of the funds levied by taxation, whilst colourful, are, in fairness, a little off the mark. Less than you seem to imagine is spent on "junkets for Bunterish lickspittles" and "dancing whores" whilst far more than you have accounted for is allocated to, for example, "that box-ticking facade of a university system."

    A couple of technical points arising from direct queries:

    1. The reason we don't simply write "Muggins" on the envelope has to do with
    the vagaries of the postal system;

    2. You can rest assured that "sucking the very marrow of those with nothing
    else to give" has never been considered as a practice because even if the
    Personal Allowance didn't render it irrelevant, the sheer medical logistics
    involved would make it financially unviable.

    I trust this has helped.

    In the meantime, whilst I would not in any way wish to influence your decision one way or the other, I ought to point out that even if you did choose to "give the whole foul jamboree up and go and live in India" you would still owe us the money.

    Please send it to us by Friday.

    Yours sincerely,
    H J Lee
    Customer Relations
    Inland Revenue
     
  2. booflebump

    booflebump Mummy to Toby

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    If that's real, it's pretty hilarious :haha: xxx
     
  3. Arlandria

    Arlandria Love being Mrs.C xx

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    :rofl: I'd love to see the letter that they guy originally sent :haha:
     
  4. jenny_wren

    jenny_wren Queen Spammatha

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    I ought to point out that even if you did choose to
    "give the whole foul jamboree up and go and live in India"
    you would still owe us the money.


    that last bit is brillaint
    they should have printed the original
    letter, i bet the bloke pissed himself
    replying to it

    :rofl: :rofl:
     
  5. lylasmummy

    lylasmummy Well-Known Member

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    LOVE the last bit!
     
  6. Bittersweet

    Bittersweet Expecting no 2 after losses and premature birth

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    :rofl: that made me giggle
     
  7. iceylou

    iceylou Guest

    :rofl: oh thats good. like others luv the last bit. looking forward to seeing the response to the letter my sisters new accountant sent to our revenue ppl. wonder how they like a demand letter for money. 6 yrs of overpayment by my sisters old accountant, approx €120,000 due back to her woohooooooooooooooo
     
  8. Jody R

    Jody R Well-Known Member

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    So would I. I'm not sure which one would be the funniest. :rofl::rofl::rofl:
     
  9. xSamanthax

    xSamanthax DD1, DS1 and 1 Angel

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    Oh my that is so funny!!! where did you find it??

    :rofl:
     
  10. Jody R

    Jody R Well-Known Member

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    My friend emailed it to me and she's usually pretty reliable with these things. Real or not it made me laugh.
     
  11. polo_princess

    polo_princess ♥ Brookes Mummy ♥

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  12. hopeandpray

    hopeandpray Well-Known Member

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  13. rosie272

    rosie272 mum to charlie finn

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    'Give up the whole jamboree' :rofl::rofl:
     
  14. RiverSong

    RiverSong Well-Known Member

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    Oh if only I could write responses like this to people XD x
     
  15. NuKe

    NuKe mummy to 2 gorgeous girls

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    lmao! brilliant.
     
  16. MrsGlitz

    MrsGlitz Proud Mummy of 1

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    :rofl:

    I just had to Google it and it's published on the Guardian website, 2003.
     
  17. Tasha

    Tasha 4kids+2angels+16mc
    Moderator

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    :rofl: that is sooooo funny
     
  18. dani_tinks

    dani_tinks Mum to one of each

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  19. Nic1107

    Nic1107 Mommy to a toddler

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    :rofl: OMG that is brilliant! I would love to meet both writers; the writer of the original letter has an amazing way with words. :rofl:
     
  20. lucy_x

    lucy_x Mummy To Two Stunners

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    BRILLIANT!!! :rofl:
     

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