Getting Backlash for being Excited?! O.o (long rant)

[AshNAmber]

So I'm 33 and my amazing BF is 35 neither one of us have any children and this is my first EVER pregnancy . I found out very early on right at 4wks . We were not trying , we kinda had this motto of we love each other, we know we want to spend the rest of our lives together, so were not going to try but if it happens it happens. Well IT happened obviously .

I tried really hard not to say anything but giving that this IS my first time EVER being pregnant I kinda couldn't help myself. We made it 6wks. I saw my doctor she confirmed she did an US saw everything was fine so we went ahead and told our families (They are all super excited).

BF couldn't help his self he told his boss. Well his boss gave him a raise He said it was like he was welcomed to a new club at work .

I work in the lab at the hospital that my doctor is part of. Needless to say my blood work started showing up and slow whispers started. I just went ahead and got it out of the way and hell why not I'm excited about it anyway. I was almost 7wks. Well let me tell you. MOST of the people I work with are happy and excited for me or so I thought.

The other day I was talking to someone that asked me a question about when I was getting an US done and I was answering her and my other coworker turns around and tells me. "If I hear one more thing about you being pregnant I have no issues with kicking you in the stomach" I just turned and looked at her and was like WTH is wrong with you and she then goes on to tell me people are tired of hearing about it and quite frankly you shouldn't even be talking about it. That I'm not taking other peoples lives into consideration that I'm flaunting my pregnancy and that I'm not even far enough along to be talking about the stuff I was talking about (US,names and such). Then I had to hear that other women in the department had MC and some can't have any kids and so on and that I'm talking about my baby like I'm due any day now and that's according to her when I should have said something.

I was beside myself. I was hurt, mad and anything else I could have been. I get it I know most people wait until 12wks + . However there is no "right" time to announce what I thought and think is amazing news. Do I understand that something can happen so early on, well yes of course I do. I do not feel like I should sit in fear wondering if something is going to happen to my baby. Instead I'm focusing on what is going on now and not what could happen.. Today I am pregnant and as of 2 weeks ago I saw my little beans heart beat so I'm enjoying it. Why should I worry myself sick of something that very much could happen instead of being excited and enjoying what IS happening and that's my little mini me is chilling out making me nauseous and tired 24/7.

Am I taking this wrong? No matter what telling me she would kick me IS NOT OK!

So now I don't say anything about it at work. If someone ask me how I'm feeling I just say fine and don't go into detail even if I feel sick or tired. I shouldn't have to be like this.

 

[Mrs B.]

Try not to take it to heart... it sounds like she is one of the ones either suffering a loss or infertility. It is very hard to hear about other pregnancies when you're going through those issues. However, what she said about kicking you in the stomach is disgusting and totally unacceptable. Regardless of her personal situation and opinions that is a threat and should be immediately reported to an appropriate supervisor.

 

[AshNAmber]

She has 3 kids and 3 grandkids. So I know it wouldn't be her that's infertile. Maybe someone she is close to?
I know it's not the same but I would get a bit upset when I was trying for so long with my ex to get pregnant and nothing would happen. But I would never get mad at someone for being excited. I'm trying not to be so sensitive about this.

 

[Mrs B.]

Ah, yeah, maybe it's someone she's close to then. Or maybe she's a bit old school and grumpy it's possible one of your other coworkers has confided in her and she's trying to protect her from hearing about pregnancy stuff. Seriously though, her comment should be reported. Don't take her attitude to heart but that comment is so unacceptable.

 

[Trying4BbyBoy]

Yes please report her! Id Be afraid I mean who would say such evil cruel thing!

 

[Trying4BbyBoy]

Yes please report her! Id Be afraid I mean who would say such evil cruel thing!

 

[misspriss]

Frankly, I would report her. She threatened gross physical damage to your body and your baby's body. I see you are in the US, some states consider assault to pregnant women two counts of assault. That is a serious threat and should be reported to the appropriate HR person immediately.

I understand some people have pain from infertility, my sister does. She's said some pretty nasty things on facebook, but she would never say something to an actual pregnant woman like that.

At least most of the responses have been positive. This is my 3rd, I've gotten lukewarm to negative responses from the people close to me. I waited until 12+ weeks to tell my MIL and lambasted for not telling her immediately. (For the record, I told her about #1 at less than 4 weeks, but after #1 we had a loss - so we wanted to wait for 12 weeks with #2, she confronted DH about my dr appointments and weight gain at 11 weeks and was nasty, so we didn't tell her about #3 either, she confronted DH at 14 weeks after snooping through our room to look for "evidence"). People are just going to be nasty either way, whether you wait or not. But threats of physical violence are never okay.

 

[DobbyForever]

That is absolutely not acceptable. I would have HR down her ass so quickly. It's one thing to say that she isn't excited for you or to ask not to hear about it, but to joke (idgaff it was a joke you are not close friends and you are at work) about harming you is crossing a very serious line. I, personally, would honestly file a complaint with HR that your coworker made a comment that made you feel unsafe and created a hostile work environment knowing you are pregnant.

I'm so sorry she rained on your parade. She just sounds like something is up her butt, but that's not your problem. The bigger person than me would pull her aside and politely but with a clear I'm not taking your shit time get to the bottom of why she said that.

Either way don't let her ruin your fun.

 

[aliciazh]

Like others, I'd say report her. When I was dealing with uterine cancer last year I was a bit touchy and hurt when I'd hear about other people, so my immediate thought was she is having difficulty getting pregnant, but I read your response and see that she's not. NOT appropriate for threatening you under any circumstance.

 

[xdxxtx]

That is one of the most disgusting reactions I've ever heard!!!!!!! I would not hesitate to report her. I'd honestly worry about someone who could go up to someone and say something like that. Disgusting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I understand that there will always be someone who's hurt and jealous over a pregnancy. Not everyone is so lucky, and it's hard for them. That doesn't mean we can't be excited about our pregnancies.

I've had a LOT of guilt. I have three people I'm really close to who are unable to have kids and REALLY, REALLY want them. One of these people is going through menapause now, and two others are about 40 and their time is running out, and nothing is working for them. So I feel guilty allllllllllllllllllllllllllllll the time!!! I hate having to feel guilty, but I would be upset, too, if I were in their shoes. If someone threatened me/my pregnancy, I would kick that person out of my lives. My FIL's wife said she kept praying that I'd miscarry my first pregnancy - probably my subsequent ones, too, but she was out of my life after the first time!!!!!!!!!! If I could have reported her, I would have! Ha! But I would NOT tolerate that ONE bit. NO way.

 

[spunky84]

My first thought, like the others had mentioned, was to report her. What she said is NOT okay regardless of her personal or anyone else's personal circumstances. That is not okay and is a direct physical threat. I'm honestly just livid over that.

It's hard with other people being around that have had miscarriages (whether recent or not) or are having fertility issues. I say that as having been that person wanted to cry over every pregnancy announcement or even just hearing talk of pregnancy, but that was something I would deal with in private and not expect someone to not talk or be happy about their pregnancy. You're allowed to be happy about your pregnancy, and especially don't deserve those kinds of comments or threats.

I'm so sorry this happened. It's just not okay.

 

[saraaa]

I would of drop kicked her if she said that to me!

 

[AshNAmber]

Thank you ladies

"xdxxtx: My FIL's wife said she kept praying that I'd miscarry my first pregnancy"

Who the hell does that!!!! That's just freaking awful. I wouldn't even know how to handle that if anyone in my or my BF family told me that. That's just horrible. I'm so sorry anyone told you that but even more so when its you freakin FIL!!!

I felt so bad when we told my BF's sister. She found out on christmas day she was pregnant she told all of us and her kids and then had a MC on New Years. Then here I go finding out 10 days later that we are. So it took her parents and my BF to convince me that she would be ok and still happy. I know it hurt her when we told her but she has been so super amazing about it. We even cheer her on to hurry up and try again so we can be preggy together.

So I went to my supervisor and asked what would happen if someone told me something like "I have no problem kicking you in your stomach" She asked me who said it. I asked what would happen and she said. That its a very serious threat because I am pregnant that it would be written up to HR and our hospital has a no tolerance for this so they would more than likely be fired. I said ok and she kept trying to get me to say who said it and I told her I would take care of it if I felt actually threatened I'd tell her. I have known this lady for 4 years. I know her personality and I know she would never actually hurt me or my lil bean. However she did hurt my feelings and I couldn't believe she told me that. So I pulled her to the side away from everyone and I was very polite...............sorta...........

I told her to sit and she sat and I said.

"I know your not the person to run to when exciting things happen. I know your not going to jump up and down over me having a baby or even if I was getting married. However for you to ****** tell me you would kick me in my stomach is unacceptable! I don't care how much me being pregnant bothers you. Would you want someone to tell you that when you was pregnant or your daughter with your grandchildren. No you wouldn't even as a damn joke it wasn't funny and you really hurt my feelings on top the fact that you could lose you damn job over saying something so damn mean and heartless."

She then gave me this big heart felt apology and said I was right. She stepped way over the line and she looked at me and goes you know I would never and I said I know that's why I came to you and not went to HR. But I'm not going to let you talk to me like that. She said she was sorry again and ever since then she has been quite pleasant about everything.

Had she not apologized or made some other mean or unacceptable comment I wouldn't have thought twice about going to HR.

My BF says I'm to forgiving. I just know jobs are hard to find and sometimes people have a bad day. Which still doesn't make it right but I'd rather try to fix the issue then take it to the next extreme. I feel better now that me and her talked and I feel ok with talking about mini me again. I just don't over do it. As I know I probably do. But I'm excited so it's hard

 

[Mrs B.]

I think you dealt with that really well, and I think you made the right decision. What she said was totally unacceptable, but it's clear you felt it was a terrible heat of the moment mistake on her part. I'm really glad you stood up for yourself and made it clear you won't accept that behaviour again

Xdx: Woah, seriously? That is a disgusting thing for her to say to you. I don't even know how you react to something like that. Why on earth would anyone wish that on another person?!

 

[MindUtopia]

I'm glad you found some sort of resolution, but that is something I would report. There is one thing to "not be excited" but it's something else entirely to engage in abuse and harassment in the workplace. Beyond that, and actually I think this is an even bigger deal, the fact that even one single person talked about your lab results to someone else is a massive HIPAA violation and they can lose their job. I've work in a research capacity in a university/medical center and they just aren't allowed to do that. Who ever processed or viewed your records should be trackable and they should face disciplinary proceedings. In ordinary circumstances, the hospital could be sued and people would be fired. That's a really big deal.

 

[spunky84]

I totally agree with MindUtopia. I honestly hadn't even thought about that as I was more upset about what your coworker said.

I think that was very nice of you to give her another chance before reporting her. I'm not sure I would've had it in me to be that kind. Part of me feels like she apologized because she realized could be fired for saying something like that.

Honestly, if I were you, I'd still document it. Time, date, and details of what happened and what was said. I certainly hope that she refrains from threats in the future, but I would honestly get the details down on paper should she try causing any more issues.

I'm still in disbelief that anyone could say something so horrible.

 

[Mrs B.]

I also hadn't thought about the lab results. Your news shouldn't have started as whispers because the technician who saw it had no right to say anything to anyone. I agree too that you should document everything, just in case anything else comes up (and if it does... don't hesitate to follow through on that report). Hopefully it's the end of the issues and you can continue with no further problems

 

[AshNAmber]

I think I was to excited to tell everyone I didn't even think about the HIPPA thing honestly. I'll look into who saw it first and who said what and see how it got started.

As far as still reporting her. I can't just half way do it. Since it was a "threat" if I proceed action she will lose her job and I just can't bring myself to do that to her. She really seem like she meant it when she apologized. I did however mention it to my boss as I stated before asking what would happen. So my boss does actually know someone said something she just doesn't know who. I promise you if another comment get's made no matter how soon or down the road I will report it full force. I am a forgiving person but only so much.

 

[SonnyH]

I think you handled it really well! It was an unacceptable comment and she probably realised that quite quickly after she said. When you work every day with the same people, it is difficult to do things like report them to HR and create an atmosphere in the work place. It would make you dread going into work each day and that's not nice! Well done for having the courage to speak to her yourself and sort it out the best you could.

I fully understand how difficult it must be to hear of pregnancies when losses have occurred either for yourself or family members. But pregnancy is a fact of life and people around you are going to get pregnant and they have every right to be excited about it. I'm not saying I wouldn't be careful and cautious with my news around those I knew had experienced loss, of course I would and have done so with my cousin who lost her baby the day before I announced my pregnancy. My cousin told me not to be silly and that while she was obviously very upset, that she was at the same time delighted everything was going well for me. If any of your colleagues were genuinely getting really upset by your news, all it takes is them or one of their friends to have a quiet and polite word and ask you to be mindful around them.

I didn't announce early (bar my family and my boss) but I did choose to spend my first trimester feeling excited rather than worrying about what could happen. I took the view that I couldn't change what might happen in early pregnancy and so I just needed to get on with life. I was mega sick, so quite frankly the excitement and baby shopping was the only thing that got me through those dark days! You enjoy your first trimester the way you want too