getting seriously anxious with chest palpitations

[cherry_pie]

Hi I could really do with some help. My ex husband walked out without explanation 3 days before christmas leaving me with no oil, a lot of bills and our 5 month old son. I got over him, pulled myself together and am now happier than ever. I have never been angry or bitter, accepting that it was probably the best thing for us, even if he didn't do it in the best way. I have always wanted our son to have the best relationship possible with his dad. I felt that me being reasonable would ensure a healthy working relationship for all our sakes.

I have always encouraged access however he is not meeting me halfway. He has him four hours on a wednesday and 6 on a saturday. I have been enquiring for 3 months about him having over nights however he kept setting up arrangements and then letting us down at the last minute. He works 2 jobs and despite living at his mums, does not pay me what he should be and has missed payments the past 2 months.

The problem really lies in how he is making me feel. Despite him refusing to meet me halfway with things and me agreeing to everything he wants even though its not what I want he continues to pressure me. He is always texting and his attitude really bothers me. He texts saying what time should he get him on his birthday despite it not being his access day. Its totally understandable he wants to see him on his birthday and thats fne with me but he should ask if its ok rather than assumign he can get him when he wants. Its hard to explain how he makes me feel, he is very subtle, i feel very threatened despite him knowing to to actually threaten me. I have put up with feelign like this for 6 months and its getting no better. I dont understand why he is so nasty when Im doing everything he could want. Iv never kicked up a fuss over anything. Its gotten to the point where im starting to be constantly anxious, always close to tears, chest palpitations and feelign sick everytime my phone beeps. Iv asked him to stop texting and if he has anything to discuss it the two days we see each other to hand over our son or if he needs to ring me, hes refused. I really just want a good relationship but hes constant cold hard manner is getting me down. I agree to everything he wants partly because I want to do whats best for my son, my ex will only see him when it suits him so its better for my son to see his dad rather than me refusing because he wants it all his own way, as he refuses to give up any overtime hes offered, but also because i am genuinly afraid of how he will react if i don't agree. I know this can't go on.

I'm just not sure what my options are. I work part time so would not be entitled to legal aid. The last thing I want to do is go down the court route, but something needs to give. I have a new partner, am moving into a new apartment, starting my masters degree and enjoying my beautiful baby so much. I just want to get over this but i feel im getting worse instead of better. I know my ex is doing things on purpose to upset me, im just not sure why. I can't go on like this, he is takign over my life. I just don't know what to do.

 

[Ceejay123]

TELL him not to text you, rather than asking him. If he then does, it's harassment. You don't want to go the court route, but he is not respecting you at all. I'd suggest go to a solicitor in order to seek mediation.. That way you would sit around a table with somebody impartial, talk about contact between him and your child, and him and you. If he breaks it - court. That way he's been given his chance. It sounds like you're being more than fair. x

 

[whatwillbe]

Hi hun, i dont really know what to say, but you have been the better person in all of this, i dont think i could of been, especially as it was him who left you, he's being an idiot, an if he's not even paying what he should be he has no rights to call the shots, maybe you could put it in writing to him, how he's making you feel? Your giving him every chance to be a dad, and if he's not taking them opportunities then thats his fault not yours, do you think it could be jelousy ? The fact that you now have a new man in your life and your doing well without him, he prob would have liked to think you couldnt cope without him? You are doing so well, and i think you need to set some ground rules with him, i.e as you said if he has anything to discuss with you regarding lo, either ring or wait till he comes to collect lo, good luck an i hope it gets better for you

 

[teal]

I agree about telling rather than asking. Sending you lots of hugs x