Getting to that point where i dont know how to make things right?

[Laura246]

Sorry to rant................
Me and OH are just not getting on. i dont understand whats going off between us atm. is it bad to want to be made to feel loved and shown affection? cause i get know of it. OH has recently taken up the gym.. which in my eyes becoming abit of a obsession. if i want a night out to get some tea, its always after gym. which is fine but when hes at work till half 6 then gym till 8-half8 im past being hungrey. this is the biggest cause of our arguements bcus i have to eat on my own when hes going after work. he doesnt do alot round the house, always half hearted effort. after making an attempt to talk about it i just get that he need some time to himself and the gym is where he does it. yet he has never ever said this before.. im just getting so emotional and the anger that builds up everytime he bats away anything to do with us bcus of the gym. Thing is i buy him his own gym stuff at home and he doesnt even use it now.
I try talking to up but just get that im being mardy or hormonal. but seriously its not all that. im getting to the point where i dont want to be around him. bcus its all same old. id just like to come home and have something done or brought thats just unexpected. even a lil note saying i love you..
Another thing is that he doesnt talk about our baby or the fact that were engaged and nothings been said about our wedding. Im finding myself going into heard aching sob over it all the time. im finding it hard to accept the changes in my body and the hormones. he just doesnt understand a thing.
Is anyone else feeling similar things? or having troubles with there OH?
Just need some advice or something, even a nice hug LOL! xxx This maybe not the half of it but its a shortest version xxx

 

[pixeldust]

Have you tried talking to him? Like actually sat down and had a conversation about how you feel? Men are strange creatures, there may be something else going on he doesn't want to burden you with, or he may be having his own emotional stress over the baby - men aren't immune to feeling the pressures of impending parenthood any more than we are

Hope you manage to sort things out xx

 

[AllieCat]

ew, i dont like the sound of your mans attitude. If i where you i would become a bit of a stalker. I would ask to come to the gym with him, if he says no then thats suspisios.. but if he says yes you can see why he is so into it. It's possible that he is just enjoying time alone out of the house with no responsability so he can focus on himself... however its also possible he's using that time to flirt it up. Flirting isnt a huge problem, but its not very considerate to you. If he dosnt like to talk about his commitment to you or the baby i would worry...I would need to know why. Do some sluthing, because if he's using the gym to meet girls theres a problem... if he's using it as an escape then you guys need to make some changes. If it is his escape, maybe you could come up with a way he could escape but still be around. You say he has gym equipment.. but does he have a room he can use them where he can be alone? if thts not possible maybe you could make a deal that he has gym time, and family time.. and work out a way he can have alone time and also be with you sometimes... all or nothing is no good as you are with child and he needs to grow up!

 

[Laura246]

weve tried, just ends up me sobbing most of the time and not being able to get it all out. will try again. let this angry calm down abit xxx

 

[Laura246]

ew, i dont like the sound of your mans attitude. If i where you i would become a bit of a stalker. I would ask to come to the gym with him, if he says no then thats suspisios.. but if he says yes you can see why he is so into it. It's possible that he is just enjoying time alone out of the house with no responsability so he can focus on himself... however its also possible he's using that time to flirt it up. Flirting isnt a huge problem, but its not very considerate to you. If he dosnt like to talk about his commitment to you or the baby i would worry...I would need to know why. Do some sluthing, because if he's using the gym to meet girls theres a problem... if he's using it as an escape then you guys need to make some changes. If it is his escape, maybe you could come up with a way he could escape but still be around. You say he has gym equipment.. but does he have a room he can use them where he can be alone? if thts not possible maybe you could make a deal that he has gym time, and family time.. and work out a way he can have alone time and also be with you sometimes... all or nothing is no good as you are with child and he needs to grow up!

I have never thought of it as a flirting time. but i suppose when his Brother and BIL go then surely he wouldnt risk it.. does make me wonder some times... his gym stuff is in a bedroom with a door. so i dnt understand why he doesnt us that.. i do worry about the commitment thing now. before we moved in everything seemed perfect and up and a lil after finding out we were having a baby. but these past few weeks everythings changed. xxx

 

[BeachComber]

Like others have said, I would be a bit suspicious of what he is doing at the gym. Maybe you could drop in at the gym sometime while he is there?

 

[Sewergrrl]

Before your OH started going to the gym, did he show you lots of affection or write love notes and put them around for you? I have noticed that I feel differently about a LOT of things since becoming pregnant. Not saying you are, but I am SUPER hormonal and the slightest thing can set me off toward my DH. Things he's done since I've known him suddenly bug the crap out of me!!!

It doesn't seem likely that anything wrong is going on if he's at the gym for only 1½-2 hours a day. Now if he were going out strange times for hours on end, THEN I would worry. I have workout stuff at home but prefer going to the gym because there are fewer distractions there. It's also time to myself where I don't have to be wife or mommy for a couple hours. It just doesn't seem to me that your guy is out cheating on you like others seem to imply.

You do need to talk to him, otherwise you're going to resent the father of your baby before he/she is born. If he thinks you're overly hormonal, then maybe you can write down what you want to say and ask him to read it? That way it's straightforward and he can read it then discuss with you.

Good luck sweetie! You can work this out.

 

[Jaylynne]

I highly doubt he's cheating. He's probably using it as an escape. Maybe the idea of being a dad is freaking him out a bit and he's trying to work it out at the gym without having to worry you. Exercise is a place where you can just zone out and endorphins are a pick-me-up.
Still, there needs to be a compromise! Can he go in the morning before work? Will he let you go along if you wanted? Keep in mind he probably wants to work out alone without distractions if you go along. Maybe only 3x a week so every other day you two can eat together and do fun/special evenings before baby.
He won't guess what you're thinking and feeling if you don't tell him. Guys just don't. Talk to him when you're not upset or write a note if you think you might cry. Life is changing for him and he doesn't have bond with baby yet like we do.
Good luck

 

[Laura246]

thanks-- The letter thing seems the better option atm as im still just as angry. Ive mention him just going a few times a week but says he cant do that :/ hes just frustrating me alot atm. he used to send me lil txts saying he loves me. out of the blue kinda thing. or ramdomly say lets go here or there. maybe iam just feeling alot differently about things. xxx

 

[lalitas charm]

Awww you poor thing, I can see how that would drive you nuts. I think that he probably is kinda burning off something in his life and hopefully he will tell you what that is.

I can understand why he isn't using the gym equipment in the house, it isn't as challenging, he probably finds himself pushing himself more at the gym as there are other people and possibly friends there to challenge him while in the house he's on his own.

My DH is a bit of a gym bunny and does a lot of sports and we had some rows in the past. He's in the army and at 1 point was on the following teams: Badminton, tennis (which he's just ok at), squash, cross country, would go skiing twice in the winter and is a qualified mountain leader so would go hill walking trekking a few times in the spring-autumn. All of these things would take him away from home for at least 1 week's training (and drinking a hell of a lot) and 2 weekend's competing (and drinking) a year which when you count it all up is a hell of a lot!! As well as going to the gym almost every day

My approach when I was pregnant with DD was: "hey its brilliant that you do so many amazing things! but....... we are a family now, we are going to have a baby and we both have to make sacrifices, I'm sacrificing doing so much with my horses and you will have to start giving some of these things you do up. I'm not saying do none but please don't do all of them, choose what you enjoy most and focus on them. It isn't fair to me for you to be leaving me on my own all the time while pregnant (I have horrible pregnancies as well) and when we have a baby you will want to be here"

DH is still on the badminton team (he's really good at it) he still goes hill walking and does local competition/challenges rather than going away for all these weeks away. During the week he'll go to the gym in the morning before work on days he doesn't do PT with work and at the weekend weather permitting he'll go running in the morning. This is a good compromise for us.

 

[hubblybubbly]

here's a hug for you

I had lots of concerns about my OHs commitment and felt he didn't understand - how tough my pregnancy has been and how much I've had to change my lifestyle because of it, but he still continued doing as he wished.

Lots of arguing and crying later (and me nearly saying we shouldnt be together) we sat down for a chat, he became "pregnant" with me - gave up alcohol/foods we cant eat/hot baths etc - just the little things- things werent perfect but improved.

As time has gone on my hormones have settled a bit, and things are good. I hope they become so for you too.
x

 

[shanti01]

Hun, I am sorry that you are experiencing this. Girl, I don't think he is cheating on you. However, I think something is burning inside of him and he needs to deal with it and therefore he does not want to be at home as he probably needs to be "out of the sitution". Being a new daddy is just a big change for them as for us being a mommy and our bodies changing etc. Write him a letter and tell him how you feel, but with that also how much you love him. Ask him if you can help him with something and in return if he can help you as you are a team. My fiance went thru a tough emotional phase in which I had to support him and he again does the same for me.

I hope it works out for you two. xxx

 

[Anna B]

Sorry not to be rude but was the baba planned?

Speaking about what I'm like.. I know I go on and on about the baby, how rubbish I feel.. and I just think that guys don't understand.. and we feel that they should, and the more they don't the more we feel they don't care - they do they just don't get it. Imagine if when we had a baby we all had to use a surrogate - we wouldn't bond the same way either, as it wouldn't be us carrying the child.

My man told me once that it's so very difficult for guys to connect with something they cannot see or feel.
They don't get to experience feeling the kicks, so their bonding doesn't properly start until that baby is in their arms, and most - if not all guys cry holding their babies for the first time because it's at that moment it hits them like a truck and it all becomes real.

Also the prospect of becoming a father is so overwhelming.. and they really have no way to prepare.

I always advise first time mommas to buy a humorous book for their OH about the whole process of pregnancy/birth.. they are very well written and can help answer a lot of questions a guy may have but are afraid to ask.

Guys and Gals will always deal with these situations very differently.. men always retreat to their cave to think, while women want to talk. Don't be offended, just allow him space and he will come around a lot faster x

 

[shanti01]

Sorry not to be rude but was the baba planned?

Speaking about what I'm like.. I know I go on and on about the baby, how rubbish I feel.. and I just think that guys don't understand.. and we feel that they should, and the more they don't the more we feel they don't care - they do they just don't get it. Imagine if when we had a baby we all had to use a surrogate - we wouldn't bond the same way either, as it wouldn't be us carrying the child.

My man told me once that it's so very difficult for guys to connect with something they cannot see or feel.
They don't get to experience feeling the kicks, so their bonding doesn't properly start until that baby is in their arms, and most - if not all guys cry holding their babies for the first time because it's at that moment it hits them like a truck and it all becomes real.

Also the prospect of becoming a father is so overwhelming.. and they really have no way to prepare.

I always advise first time mommas to buy a humorous book for their OH about the whole process of pregnancy/birth.. they are very well written and can help answer a lot of questions a guy may have but are afraid to ask.

Guys and Gals will always deal with these situations very differently.. men always retreat to their cave to think, while women want to talk. Don't be offended, just allow him space and he will come around a lot faster x

Well said, you came to my point as well, just in a better way than I did

 

[katieeandbump]

Urgh poor u! Maybe he's using it as an escape.. But why can't you have something the same? If I was you I'd start having dinner dates with friends go out more yourself or join a club like yoga? A lot of people I know their men always do this when babys coming along, including my oh. I always remember his friends sayin to him when my 1st son was born they'd all go out to give him a break and he can wet the babys head .. Erm hello?!?! I've been carrying this child 9 months iv just shat something the size of a melon out my mary and now I've had no sleep for weeks and you think he needs a break ?!?! Woah! Tell him hun.. Letter is a good option! Ur more important than the shitty gym! He thinks he's going to come in ever day past 8 when you've got LO?! Haha! Men eh! They can be so hard to make understand! Xxxx