Given the chance, would you have started having children younger?

[mamademarc]

I had my first child age 33, and it was a great pregnancy. Trying for number two however, is not so easy. I had a miscarriage at 35, and also at 36, and can't help feeling that age is part of the problem. Anyone feel the same?

 

[LoraLoo]

I had my first at 17. 2,3,4 and 5 followed without a hitch (we lost Eve our third baby but it wasn't pregnancy related)

We lost our 6th at 18 weeks pregnant, 7 was born healthy, 8th we lost at 15 weeks pregnant.

I'm 32 now, so it does make me wonder. I really struggled with the last pregnancy too very sick and tired but don't know if it's an age thing or a having a lot of kids to look after thing lol!

 

[OmarsMum]

Sorry for your losses, I'm in the same boat, I had my 1st at 31, I had 2 mcs at 35 and at 36 I had a 3rd 2 months back.

 

[loeylo]

I'm only 26 and pregnant with #1, but I had 2 miscarriages and an ectopic before making it this far. My first mc was at 21, my second at 22, my ectopic at 25 and my rainbow was conceived at 25 also. I'm definitely glad I didn't wait any longer as I do think my issues could have got worse. I'm otherwise perfectly healthy, don't smoke or drink and not overweight so it is a bit strange that I had such bad luck - all testing has come back normal!

I guess it depends on circumstances. I sort of wish I had started my family before my career as I'm still quite early in my career now but worried about the impact having kids will have, but at the same time, if I had waited we may have missed or chance to do so naturally so I have no regrets!

 

[lilmisscaviar]

I wish I would have started sooner. As a young'un I didn't know if I would like being a mom. I wanted to go to college but the hardest part was that I had no idea what I wanted to go for so I never even graduated with a degree. After I had a baby, all those feelings changed, and now motherhood is my full time job. Our first two were born in my mid twenties and were 12 months apart. We were going to wait on a third but we want a big family and sadly we are running out of time so we tried to push for a third as soon as we could (we would love to have four total) however this ended up backfiring on us. I became pregnant again less than 6 months after our second in September 2014 that ended due to low progesterone and I had a D&C in October, then conceived again in January of this year which also ended in D&C in February from a uterine infection I didn't know about from my previous D&C, and then once more in April of this year which ended in mmc in July from unknown reasons. We are going to ttc once more and then if it doesn't work out, which fx it will, we're planning on waiting at least a year before trying again.

 

[Marumi]

I think about this so much. I'm 33 and I feel I am running out of time for a large family. I would have wanted at least 3, maybe even 4 or 5...who knows. Point is that I wanted to make the choice and not nature to make the choice for me.
My miscarriage scared me. I was thinking "what if I will continue to have miscarriages?" I got pregnant right away each time, so I really don't know if my fertility is an issue or something happens to not sustain the pregnancy.
I had my first when I was 28, and did have to wait a while after because of health issues. Now my health seems better than ever. Physically I don't feel older then I did in my early 20's. But it still worries me that a remnant of a health issue could cause a problem.

If I had the choice...I would want my husband to be older (he is 7 years younger) and for us to have met in my early 20's. My first marriage would be eliminated and my life would have went much different

 

[ItsAWonder]

I try not to think about things like that. I had two miscarriages, then my DD and another miscarriage. Yes, I am 38 and yes that may be the issue but it also may not.

The reality is I met my DH when I was 30 and we were not ready to marry until we were 35. Having a family earlier simply was not an option and if we had done it earlier we would not have lived our lives the way we wanted. Our kids would then have suffered b/c we would be suffering.

The only reality is the one you have and thinking about "what ifs" will only destroy you. I believe in what is meant to be not what could have been.

I have now found out that it's not safe for me to try again and I am learning to accept that.

I have plenty of friends who did not start having kids until their late 30's and are now having their 3rd and 4th in their early 40's. That is their "meant to be".

Please know that I understand your wish to have started earlier and that the feeling is justified. However, I have seen these thoughts eat away at people to the point where they miss out on the life they have. I would hate to see this happen to you.

 

[Nikie]

I'm 32 and expecting my first - will be 33 when she is born (unless she's a couple of weeks early!). I really don't regret not starting earlier because OH and I simply weren't ready then. We have been together for 12 years, own a house, he owns a successful company so on paper people think we should have started a family a few years ago. But the truth is that we were both too selfish. We like dinners out, nice holidays abroad and freedom to do what we want. Now we have done that for a few years and are both incredibly excited for the next chapter with little Jessica! The only slight issue is that I'm not where I want to be career wise - but am so close it's not worth 'giving' up on it! So it will be on hold for a year and then I'll be returning to work. I think we'll be playing it by ear really. I would ideally like another baby in three years or so - will be so happy if I'm that blessed.

 

[minties]

I had my miscarriages when I was a teenager and in my early 20's, no problems with Thomas and Sophie (was 28 and 30 when they arrived.

 

[InTheVerse]

I do think that age isn't on my side. My husband is younger then me.

I don't wish I'd had children younger because I would have been with other partners who were not good for me at all, would have been shit dads and aren't the man I love who is my best friend.

Do I wish we'd started trying earlier? Part of me says yes but I know the strong relationship we have now, the thing that holds us together especially at the moment, would likely not have been so strong.

So no because there was no chance with my husband to start earlier.

I'm hoping and hoping we get pregnant again and don't lose another one when we do.

I'm so sorry for your losses, mamademarc.

I'm sorry for everyone else who has had losses, or is finding trying to conceive heartbreaking and frustrating.

 

[Moma Ali]

I started trying at 16 while planning my wedding and got pregnant at 19 so I dont think I could of started any younger

I had the forsight that most of my family struggled with infertility and re-occuring miscarraiges though took the unfortunatly correct guess that it would take me a while too... whatever the cause is it must be genetic to affect so many family members but they've never discovered a cause

 

[Wish85]

I'm 30 now. Had my DS when I was 28 and I'll be 31 when I have this one. I could have had children when I was in my early 20's if I wanted to but I didn't and I don't regret not having my first until I was 28 - it was perfect timing!

 

[KBCupcake]

DH and I tried as soon as we could pretty much. I was 22 and we had 3 consecutive miscarriages. Our LO was conceived when I was 23. I'm 24 now and we're not having another until another 10 yrs or so

 

[Deb_baby]

i had my DD when i was 18, sometimes i wish i'd waited until i was older so i knew about more and could gain some extra experience but i wouldnt change her for the world x

 

[skyesmom]

i wanted to have kids in my late 20s due to my career choices, etc, but lost one at 27 and one at 29 that drove me to a full blown PPD that wasn't diagnosed until a year later. Between healing emotionally, having the relationship ready to try again, some months of unprotected sex with no baby, we are currently on a break and in our early 30s.

I think our children decide too when they want to come.

My plan was to have them before i turn 30, mostly as my parents had us late and i felt the weight of their aging much sooner than most of my friends, as my parents are 10 years older than my friends' folks. but my kids had other plans. and you have to play along.

i think waiting for financial, career and especially emotional stability/maturity before having a baby is definitely a good thing, yet in the society of today it takes a bit of a toll on couples (and women more than men). In a sense: i think my parents had a huge gift to have their parents young, fit, healthy and ALIVE when they hit their 50s and their 60s even. When i think of my siblings and me, our folks would need to be some pretty damn fit 90-100 year olds for us to have that same luxury. That i think is the thing that sort of saddens me the most (and not so much when i think of the length of life, but of the quality of it).