Giving up TTC? :(

[wildworld]

I am 26, and my DF is 28.

My DF had ulcerative colitis, and for years, he was on medication, including steroids, which affected sperm count, sex drive etc. For around four of those years, we had been 'not trying, but not preventing'. I wasn't tracking ovulation or temping. The whole illness thing was a stressful time for us both; mainly DF obviously. I was on and off birth control a few times over the years. He had surgery over a year ago now and is rid of his illness. We have been ttc since then.

We are currently on cycle 14 (AF is almost gone), and since starting ttc in June 2013, I've been using period tracker to track ovulation, and strips from ebay. I didn't use the the strips for cycle 12 or 13 as I'm running low on strips, and I know when I'm ovulating.

However, I'm thinking of giving up ttc. I still want a baby, more than ever now if anything. But DF just isn't into it.

Lately, the most sex we've been having is only three or four times a MONTH, sometimes two. I'm lucky if it falls in my fertile WEEK, never mind when I'm actually ovulating. I work, but he doesn't as there is barely any work going where we live. I know he stresses about money but I do hope he gets work soon. He hasn't given me a proper 'reason' for not wanting to have sex (though he has mentioned money in the past.) When I initiate it in bed, he's always 'too tired' or my favourite, 'I came to bed to sleep'. Like really?!

As it's cycle 14 now, tonight I suggested we go to the doctors together soon to talk and get tested, and he just said 'we don't have money for all those tests they'll do'. I'm at my wits' end... like if he physically couldn't give me a baby, fine, but if he WON'T, that's something else.

What do you all think?
Dust to all who need it x

ETA: the reason I'm thinking of giving up ttc is because the months we BD'd when I was ovulating, I was upset to have still gotten BFNs. Now it's harder KNOWING I won't get a BFP. I've mentioned giving up to DF and he said 'whatever you like'.

 

[CrystalJMM]

I hate to say this but it sounds to me like he just couldn't be bothered with all the effort it takes to conceive. It sounds like he'd be fine with having a child if it just happened but doesn't want to put in the work...which a lot of us end up having to do.

I'm so sorry. I don't really know you could say or do to make him realize how important this is to you I just didn't want to read and run. I hope he changes his tune soon.

 

[BeachyFeelin]

I'm really sorry you are going through this. It does sound like he's just not into putting in the effort right now, so maybe it's time you just took a break and worked on creating a healthy sex life without TTC.

My OH is out of a job right now as well, his company went bankrupt a few weeks back and it has put a strain on him. He hates having to pretty much rely on me to take care of things, even though he does get unemployment, it's really a pathetic amount. All this creates for a very cranky OH sometimes when he is aware that I'm probably going to ovulate soon (though I really try and keep him in the dark as much as possible).

I think you two should have a serious sit down. Tell him what you want, and have him tell you honestly what he wants. Let him speak freely about it and listen to his side. It could be that he's just not in the right mindset right now to have a baby and he just needs some time to figure things out.

In the meantime I highly suggest you start temping to track ovulation. It really is the only way to confirm that you did O. OPK's only detect an LH serge (and sometimes women never get a positive). You very well may not be ovulating when you think you are and timing has been off. Create an account with Fertility Friend (my chart is in my siggy) and track your BBT there. Watch their tutorials, that way when it is time to start TTC again you will be well prepared.