Going at it alone

Discussion in 'Single Parents' started by julievb13, Apr 12, 2009.

  1. julievb13

    julievb13 Member

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    I've been in the second trimester forum but I guess I should probably start here.

    To give you a little bit of background, I finally dumped my boyfriend 5 days ago. This breaks my heart, because I wanted it to work so much, I actually am crazy about him. But I'm not the kind of girl that can live a lie. I was miserable with him. Although he told me he was on board and that he was excited about the baby (after he left me when he first found out and told me I was nuts for not getting an abortion), his actions were much different. He would constantly go out and get completely wasted (at 30 years old), he goes to the casino every day to gamble (did I mention he's unemployed?), and since I've been pregnant, has not wanted to touch me (but is fine cozying up to his porn stash). All in all, I never really felt much affection from him. I have told him for months that I'd be willing to work on things if he would at least go see a counselor with me and try to work on his drinking problem. But he denies he has a problem and says that "therapy isn't my thing."

    So I left him. I left Florida and am now living back near my family in New York. He didn't even care that I left. He hasn't even called me once to check on me or see how I'm doing. And now I have to be subjected to my mother and her dissapointment that I'm going to be a single mom. I just feel so shitty today...and alone. He doesn't have a care in the world, and I am left with all my thoughts and doubts and worries. I'm sorry, I just had to get that out, I can't stop crying. It's like I've become that cliche and all I ever wanted was a nice family that wasn't broken like my own. I know I sound pathetic, but I keep blaming myself. Keep telling myself that maybe I should've stuck it out, or tried harder. I'm just a mess
     
  2. mz_jackie86

    mz_jackie86 Well-Known Member

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    Hey hun,

    Dnt feel that you done the wrong hing because you didnt, it takes 2 people to make a relationship work and if he wasnt willing then why should u suffer the whole time!
    You've shown your a strong women by having the courage to leave and once your baby comes along you will realise how strong you really are....and dnt listen to anyone especially your mothers dissappointing words cos single mums are great and i take my hat off to every single mum or even dad out there!!

    You will do a great job and although it willb e hard in the end it will be so worth it!!

    Keep your chin up!! xxx
     
  3. teen mummy

    teen mummy Amelias mummy

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    Its not your fault whats happened when you have found the right person you will know and nothing would come between you EVER! and obviously he wasnt that person and he needs to be man enough and stand up for what he has done and stat acting like a proper role model if he wants to be in their lives!
    anyway what im saying is that you can do it on your own, i mean millions of us are and tbh i feel better not havin Amelias father involved it gets to messy and he is on drugs.
    hold your head high you have done nothing wrong hun
    Hannah
    xxxxx
     
  4. CallieBert

    CallieBert Mummy to Braden

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    I'm 15 and I was with my boyfriend until I was about 4 months pregnant and he relised he didn't want to be a dad. So i'm going it alone, to be honest, i'm happier that way
     
  5. xarlenex

    xarlenex Well-Known Member

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    Broken families and better than unhappy fighting familys. Your baby would have only picked up on it from the minute he/she waas born. You've made the right decision. And you're mother shouldnt be dissappointed, she should be happy that you're not in a relationship for the wrong reasons. Your still raw from the break up, as time goes on I hope you feel better :hugs:
     
  6. amelia222

    amelia222 Well-Known Member

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    Don't blame yourself! You did what was best for you and your baby, don't ever think it was your fault.

    I did the same as you when I was 14 week pregnant. It finally hit me that I didn't want to raise a child with a guy who was that irresponsible, was always stoned (but he could stop anytime.......right lol), and was emotionally abusive. I moved back to BC from Alberta and now that I live with my mom I have been so much happier and I know that my baby will be raised in a much healthier environment.

    You can do this. You and your baby will be so much better off being surrounded by a loving family, even if that family isn't the typical two-parent type.
     
  7. Landingmach3

    Landingmach3 Proud Mama

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    You did the right thing. My ex was the one to pull the final plug...but we almost stayed together. He drinks a ton, smokes and is a workaholic. It sounds like he knew that staying around was the right thing, but he might as well be gone if he is going to act that terrible? My family was not happy for me going at it alone, but eventually they turned around and realized that I needed support. They will be there for you one day soon. And who says you will always be a single mom? Maybe someday you'll meet another guy who will love your LO just as much as you. Stick in there, hun. PM me if you'd like!
     
  8. lissaloo

    lissaloo Well-Known Member

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    hi been a single parent isn't all bad you make all the decsions you take all the credit for how well you have bought up your child and when you hold that baby in your arms for the first time all those doubts and fears will melt away you will have new challenges to face and as a mother you will take them on and be great !! your a women and what we do best is survive in every situation !! chin up hun as for your mother show her you can do it !!!
     
  9. shaunanicole

    shaunanicole Guest

    Apparently this guy was no good for you to begin with. Of course in a lot of pregnancies guys usually freak out at first and then slowly come to terms with the situation but they don't do the things your ex was. You don't want your child around him if he has a drinking problem, he is thirty years old and doesn't have a job which is really pathetic especially with him having a child on the way, and as far as him not wanting to "touch" you I hope he knows your not a disease. You're the woman carrying his child and he should have nothing but complete and utter respect for you whether or not you two are still in a relationship.

    I am sorry you are going through all of this but you will be fine. Millions of women have done it on their own before and there are plenty of us on this website going through our pregnancies alone. Just keep your head up for your own sanity and the baby's well being. I wish you the best hun! :hugs:
     

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