Going into 2nd month of TTC since miscarriage

[HopeAlways]

Well, AF arrived yesterday and ofcourse I was disappointed. After my mc in December I was hoping we would get pregnant right away like we did when we first started trying in Sept 2010. I guess my expectations were too high but I like to think of it as staying positive. On to TTC month 2 and I am not sure if I can emotionally do it all again. I used OPK's and symptom monitoring last cycle. In the beginning, it kept me busy from thinking of our recent lost. However once I knew we weren't successful this time I broke down emotionally. It reminded me of losing our angel and why it happened in the first place. I will never know the answer. I don't think I can continue to use OPK's and monitor my entire cycle. I am going to let God do his thing and see what happens.

Sending my thoughts and prayers to those of you going through a loss and trying again.

 

[sparklebunny]

Hi,

I'm so sorry. I know this must be so hard for you. This is what i expect will happen to me to. I had a mc in Dec and i hoped i would get pg straight away even before AF...it never happened. Now waiting to enter fertile period and i feel like i've already given up. I think you have totally the right idea. Leave it in the hands of God and it will happen. I think when you get caught up in the taking temperatures and everything, it just gets too stressful. My thoughts are with you

 

[Spoomie]

Hi HopeAlways

This is exactly what happened to me, in fact it felt uncanny reading your post. I miscarried in November at 12 weeks and once the initial shock had worn off I absolutely categorically convinced myself that I would be pregnant without even having a period and looked forward to annoying my GP by not having a LMP date for their forms. Therefore when I got my period on Christmas Eve (nice!) it hit me like a bolt out of the blue and I think I went back into initial grieving mode all over again. Apologies if this is too gross, but seeing that I was bleeding again just took me straight back to the trauma of the miscarriage.

I have wondered in the 2 months since if it is a defence mechanism, that it's just too painful to think too hard about your loss and the preoccupation with temperature, CM, vitamins, your Fertility Friend graph etc gives you a feeling of being in control and kind of displaces the grief a little. The emptiness of loss is just so great that the idea of having filled that void is very appealing. I have had 2 periods since my miscarriage and both have definitely slapped me in the face and set me backwards on the road to recovery, once you get your period the next ovulation date feels sooooo far away and your brand new graph looks so depressingly bare. Each time I have told myself that I will NOT get my hopes up next month and that I will obsess less and assume I'm not pregnant until I'm a few days late - whatever - in truth I'll still be studying my chart like a woman possessed for any signs......

 

[HopeAlways]

Thanks girls!! I really appreciate you sharing your stories with me.

Spoomie, you are exactly correct. By monitoring, using OPK's and charting we think we are in control but in reality we will never be in control. When all that hard work fails the pain just gets unbearable. I know time will heal all wounds but I don't know how long that will take. I just have to keep moving forward one day at a time.

Good luck to you girls. I will be sending you my thoughts and prayers.

 

[xSamanthax]

Aww so sorry hun, but good luck with TTC and i hope you get your soon!!!

 

[diverdi]

Spoomie you summed it up so well. I couldn't throw myself into ttc as I only had the chance to DTD a couple of times before my husband had to go back to Sri Lanka. So instead I symptom spotted like a mad thing, no AF yet but got a bfn on FRER on sat morning, 2 weeks after my husband went, so I assume I'm out now. I spent saturday morning crying and feeling like such an idiot.